Poetica

For Sunday's Whirligig

We pave our life with books

Sweet poems

Named underneath 

The apple tree

Our mouth twitches

Aching for something sweet

Better than chocolate

Finer than honey

I hold her hand

As I shake

Swear I will never leave her

Her face is shiny

Golden

Like a perfect sunrise

I am hardened

Tired of running

Tired of being 

In this built up street

And so we craft poems

Poetica

The single thread

That holds us

Almost sane

We want more

But it seems foolish to wish

All there is 

Is this moment

These words

The sweet release of sleep

I cry silently 

Wishing she was real.

Choice

 For Poets and Storytellers United 

We have made many bad choices

So many

It is hard to count

As hard to count

As the marks on my skin

Perhaps things would have different

If we had been allowed to grow

She chuckles

Looking at the sky

Which is blue

With a few puffy clouds

We could sit and ponder all day

But we have to change

She whispers in my ear

Sweet as a dandelion

Blowing out time

You cannot undo choices

But you can make new ones

A pathway out of Wonderland

A safe place

Under the tree

By the river 

Home in time for tea

There is always time for tea

It soothes our throat

It is a dilemma

If the choices had been different

I would be a different person

And although I am unhappy 

I would not want to change the core of me

Of us

We are both good really

Although Alice has a sense of adventure

Without the need to self destruct

I drank the potion

She trills

We sink back into each others arms 

A little sad

A little resigned

But also with just the tiniest 

Speck of hope. 

Build

We build a sugar wall

Around us

It is not like concrete

It moves and sways 

It is a challenge

To build something firmer

We would like

To erase the marks on our skin

My breaths

Are like growls

Guttural and raw

So much to say

But no words leave my lips

It is what mother and father taught

I regret that they had me

That they consume my thoughts

And my being 

I will try and reclaim the night

From the bad dreams

And shaking limbs

It is like moving a mountain 

But we will try

Until the last breath leaves us

Until there is nothing

Left to build. 

Wind and Water

The wind moves through 

Her hair as she

Swings on the swings

Laughing

Just like a child should 

We are glad we are not in

The desert

The rusty water vane 

Standing idle in

The baking sun

The boys play with

Model planes

We see them

In black and white

We would like to swim

But our scars are too painful

Even soaking in the bath

Makes us cry

We crave for days

Gone by

Her dress floats

A manipulation of

Wind and water

It feels good to play

As if we are free

As if our fears and worries

Fade away. 

Television

For Poets and Storytellers United

We do not watch television

The noise and movement

Scares us

We would rather 

Remain still

Lost in our own world

Alice is the only person

I relate to

No silly

There are others

I swallow down the water

Don't want to believe

It is easier 

To live in our head

The real world

Is cruel and cold

No place for fragile souls

We tolerate music

Like the sound of the wind

Passing through our magical tree

The birds

And moonshine 

The light filters through

We draw the curtains 

And lie down

Sometimes reality

Is just too much

Perhaps we could escape 

If we chose the small screen

But we are are old and tired

Stuck in our ways

So much pain

And fear 

Nothing to help

Nothing to lose

Everything left to be

Let's pretend she says

And I listen.

River Roads

I wrap a shawl 

Around her shoulders

I want to protect her

Keep her safe

These rivers flow

So fast

Like a double road

Her shivers are like

A drum beat

Her wings are frozen

And bent 

Into her back 

Everything is misty

A blur

A streak of light

In a lonely sky

My head hurts

My eyes are as deep as pools

Like a hawk

We must fly

Crow sits on a stump of wood

We are all out of dreams

Floating down

A river road.

Secrets

I am an unrelating fool

The cross I bear

Is a bony secret

It is not by chance

That I live this life

It is calculated

A rumour 

A chance

I seek something

Exotic

A wild hat

A distant dream 

Something to erase the 

Mean rumours 

A secret haven

An exotic dream

But I am a fool

Wasted

Trying to sleep

Alice is my only friend

I seek her out

When days are dark

I wish for nothing

And everything

A cool secret

A distant dream

Everything is possible

If you let it in. 

Scream

My face screams

But I am not heard

Not by the people

Who should have heard me

I hang her blue dress

Out on the line

It smells like soap

The breeze makes the smell 

So sweet

We drink wine 

With our feet

Make pots

Dishes to eat off

We dream of yellow chairs

A comfortable place to sit

Trees on the horizon

A dappled sky

The old man waits for us

Hand on chin

The fireplace is cold

The frames upon it

Skewed and broken

If I could I would 

Paint my face

Take away the screams

Who would love me now

I wonder 

We open the door

A portal to another world. 

My List

 FOR POET'S AND STORYTELLER"S UNITED

We lie awake in bed

Compiling lists

Waiting for morning

I love her

She loves me

It all seems so easy

In black and white

But feelings are complicated

I miss people

But am scared of leaving this room

So many people lost

So many people 

Yet to find

We are lucky 

That our dreams do not fail us

What do you want

She asks

A safe place

I reply

A garden with an apple tree

A wooden swing

Cool breezes

And winter sunshine

It is good to wish

She sings

It proves you are alive

I miss Father

She whispers

I would rather forget mine

I think 

All I need is you and me

Sisters locked together

In thought and harmony.

Reconciliation

We steal kisses in the night

Fearful of the hands

That clasp us

We will perish 

And fall

Before the Red Queen

Finds us

Everything has a border

And an end

We should know that

By now

But still we sit vigil 

Holding each other's hands

Our thoughts

Do not have a border

No neat line

No beginning 

Or end

We are fearful of everything

Awake

Asleep

It does not matter 

We look out of the window

Hope for stars 

And moons 

Eager for rain

Sunrise

Warm showers

And sweet

Sweet dreams

She sits in my lap

And I sway

I am not eager

Or proud

All I wish for is reconciliation. 

Rain Drop

The rain has come

We clap our hands

All we smell is 

Petrichor

Perhaps now we will 

Go out

Let the soft water

Brush our skin

But we are scared

Of slipping

Falling

Letting ourselves down

We sit behind the closed curtains

Worrying

Dreaming

If only living

Was as easy as sleep

Our tummy is full

Our head is aching 

Maybe tomorrow 

We will go out

Maybe tomorrow

We will see our fingertips

Pressed into the clay

We do not understand today

We do not understand the past

Perhaps together

We can understand tomorrow. 

Together

We hold hands

Under a bulging

Grey sky

Alice hums a tune

I stay silent

As if I make a noise

I will scare myself

We are praying for rain

Something cool

To stop our legs 

From shaking 

Such a terrible place to be

As cruel as Wonderland

So many puzzles

And poisons that tempt us

I feel the beads of sweat

Roll down my back

So many fears

You worry too much

Silly

What is the worst that can happen

That sends my mind 

Into a chaos cycle

Today we will try

To make things different

To be better

She tightens her grip

And the clouds move

It may not rain but 

We have each other.

Dancer

Alice dances in the empty room

My room is cluttered

So many things

It is hard to find a way out

All we need is a bed

A chair

A clean window 

To look out of

A table to sit and eat

So many things to do

But my head 

Is a dead weight

I breathe in

The air is as stuck as my mind 

I wish that things were different

But find comfort in the familiar

She stops

Joins me on the edge of the bed

She is giddy

And floating 

So very pretty

I was never pretty

I shaved my hair

Became a boy

So Father couldn't hurt me

Perhaps we are both survivors

Coping in the only way

We know

How can we know any different

When all we have is stories 

And drifting memories 

She holds my hand

It shakes

Dance with me she whispers

And I get to my weary feet. 

Mindfulness

We sit still

Try to occupy our mind

The wise man 

Said to be mindful

We fill our mouth

With wire

Not chocolate

Or apple pieces

Everything filters

Through our brain

It feels as if we can never

Be present

Only in our dreams

Everything rolls out

Like a film

We judge it

Rate it

Cast it away

It is not art

She whispers

It is a slow

And steady decline 

A puzzle 

That will never be solved

A hypnic jerk 

A steady fall to the ground

The air is dead

No breeze or relief

We lie still

Perhaps in this moment 

Of nothingness

We are mindful

Perhaps despite everything 

We are being.

Feathers and Light

Alice sits underneath 

A tree full of blue flowers 

She sings to herself

She is the wise owl 

Upon my shoulder

Always there 

To lift me up

When it feels like

I am dragging a stone

Up the stairs 

The sky changes

One minute dark

One minute light

When it is light 

I hold my fingers up

Form a circle

A focus lens

To see the birds 

In flight

Colour hurts us

But we know we need

Blue skies

As well as light

To grow

Become

Take flight

It seems so easy 

But we are not strong

Fragile as feathers

Uncertain as branches. 

Raising a Poem

 For Poets and Storyteller's United

Alice sits on my shoulder

We have not been out

For days

Inside we raise poems

Sweet words

That carry us through the day

At Hatter's party

There was cake

Mother never taught us

How to bake a cake

Then it's time to learn

Silly 

She giggles

We would like a garden

A peaceful place 

To sit

Absorb the sun

Listen to the birds

Play on the swings

So many things to do

But all I do is lie down 

And wish for sleep

A long, long sleep

It will take a while

To be normal

She whispers

I hear her

But do not want to be normal

I want us to be special

I want our words to sing

And our letters to dance on the page

Every day we will 

Raise poems

Swallow them down like 

Sweet, sweet rain clouds. 

Fairy Tale

The sun peeps 

Through our curtains

We are lost in our imagination

Everything is true

But false 

All we know is pain

The sweet release of burning

When night comes

Tears fall down our cheeks

We look for the light of the moon

But it eludes us

We lick the salt

Off of our lips

Try to read

Take a breath

We would love to escape 

This torture room

Find a place in the city

A place where

Nobody knows us

We dream of stars

And sweet clean breaths

Life is nothing

But a fairy tale

I hope it has a happier ending 

She whispers

And I hold her hand.

Dreams

In our head we sing a song

It stops us from

Rocking and shaking

So many lost years

Gathered up in words

We hope he is watching

Over us

The safest place 

We know

Is sleep

We drink to dull our senses

We miss the powder

Very much

But at least we have each other

She whispers

My hands are raw

My body bruised

Perhaps today

There will be an epiphany

Perhaps today

We sill sleep

Without those torturous dreams

We are looking forward to winter

Even going down the stairs 

Is a challenge

But we must try

Make our dreams become real. 

Missing

We lie still

Outside

A fire is raging

We dare not look

The window is ajar

Stars and air

Seep through

We would like to go outside

But our fears stop us

We drink

Try to sleep

Anything to stop

The voices

Nothing works

All we crave is powder

The sweet release of dreams

A clean shirt

An ironed frock

How simple 

And difficult 

They become

We hope for better days

But know they will not come

Our destiny is written

In the stars

In the fireworks 

We missed. 

Fireworks

You missed the fireworks 

The nurse said

Sister came running

Mother held the bag

We do not remember 

Consciousness

Only sleep

Sweet deep sleep

From two to five 

We slept

Like a  baby

Safe and sound in our bed

We wish for that time

For a beginning 

And an end

Instead we linger

In between

Not quite alive

Not quite dead

All we wish for is powder

But that is a dead end

We do not want to lose

Any more 

Than we have already lost

Perhaps the fireworks 

Will come again

Perhaps we will 

Look out of the window and 

See them

Until that time

We will sleep

Wrapped up in our own nightmare

And bliss. 

Song

The birds sing in the tree

Baby pigeons and wrens

The curtains are closed

A soft breeze 

Kisses our skin

We shake

Without the powder

Such a difficult

Journey to make

At least we can do it together

She says

Holding my burnt hands

It is all I can think of

I whisper

The obsession

Is a soong

A relentless pattern

Of self destruction

I wonder when it will end

We have friends

True friends

Who tell us 

This moment will pass

Then we must try our very best

Says Alice

I turn on my side

And pray.

Stars

The stars shine 

Through the open window

We breathe in 

The night

Sweet swirls

Sisters of light

The moon glows

Casts a shadow

On our wall 

We are tired of the damp

It hurts to breathe 

We are tired of living

Empty and sore 

The words no longer

Sparkle

We orbit a universe

But it does not 

Feel like our own 

Ideas no longer sprout

We are nothing 

But a pencil shaving

An artist's sketch

A silent star.

Owl

The owl hoots

Outside our window 

Our bones are heavy

All we crave 

Is sleep

We cannot look sideways

So many scars

We cover our face

Miss the powder

Like a dull ache

We cannot crack a joke

The feast is on the table

But we cannot eat 

Our spirit is hollow

And sacred

The sun brushes our skin

All the power lies

In the light 

We will spark a candle

Make a wish 

Blow it out

Wait for night 

And the soothing 

Song of owl.

Music

Alice dances

Lifts her dress

And sings

Hatter has a shop

Full of records

We are scared of him

No silly 

We look forward to 

Seeing him walk 

Down the street

We haven't been outside

For days

We are in our head

Enjoying the silence

Missing the powder

But knowing we have to 

Stop

Wake up 

Take a trip

Drive a car

Play the violin

Anything to stop the voices

We will hum

In our sleep

Take the pain away

With music.

Creativity

We have been trapped

Underground for far

Too long 

Alice is sleeping

I am praying for stars

And sweet moons

Gemini 

She squeals

That is my birth sign 

Split personality 

Always up and down

We would like to be

Happy 

Safe

And alive

But the demons chase us

We are grateful 

For our imagination 

Telling stories 

Into the darkest nights 

We have friends 

But no memories 

Such is the curse

Of powder

Perhaps we will wake up

And it will all just be a dream

A story to tell 

Anything to keep us thinking,  

Cape

We wrap a black cape

Around our charred

And burnt body

Our pupils are huge

High on powder

Craving the taste

Of salt on our lips

We sat by the seaside

Ate ice cream

And sang 

We are not sure what we

Have become 

The scent of pine 

Trees lingers on our fingertips 

There are deep waters 

Ahead

The wind will blow us

To shore

We have not looked

Up for so many days

Our bones are growing 

Weary

Tired

And thin 

Flies gather on the window sill 

We are knee deep in sorrow

Waiting for the end to come. 

Dreams

The sun shines

Through the window

We are halfway 

Between sleep 

And dreams

Mother came

Father left

We are alone 

And happy

Sweet powder

And long dreams

We dare not look up 

Reality bites

Like a saw in the night 

We cut and burnt

Our skin

Anything to make us

Feel real 

Stories come and go

But we are stuck

Lying down 

And drowsy

We are looking forward 

To sleep 

Sweet dreams 

And stars

Are we really alive.