Worn Away

I am tired

Dog

Dog

Doggedly 

Tired

The blood comes through my socks

To the heels of my boots

I am grinding

Around

In

Circles

I will not wash

Away

The

Blood

It is mine

An element

Inside

Which

Makes

Me

Glow

Pale

Dark circles

Under eyes

Underfoot

Nothing will douse out

The fury

Not now

I could run

But

They would find

Me

Well

The body of me

I left

I left

Many circles back

Locked in

Locked up

I would

Like to fall into

The powder

Red

Cloud

Sleep

Bed

But

Then

They would

Dog

Dog

Doggedly

Hold me down

Like naughty

Not child

Less

Nothing

I am so tired

So tired

Turning circles

Leaving myself

In mud and blood

And compliance.

All Apologies

Thank you to you all for leaving your lovely comments..

I am sorry I have not been able to get back to your own pieces..

J is scrabbling around in a time loop and is busy trying to keep her pieces together...

Mainly that involves walking around in circles..so my blog schedule is all a flutter..

Hopefully normal service will resume shortly..

Pieces

The queen’s head is in pieces

The ginger cat smiles

The black cat is afraid

I cry

In a jar

Tears collecting like pennies

Unhappy

Reach a line

Bottom

Or

Top

What is the limit

I do not know any more

My boots are wearing thin

I am wearing her thin

Stealing her

Her happiness

Breaking her into little pieces of glass

And powder

I can’t stop

I can’t stop

These trips

Are not flights

Not sublime

They are

Cold

Raw

Bitter

Malevolent

I hate myself

I hate myself

For hurting

Her

I would like to hold them

Hold her

Make the black cat smile

Let the ginger cat

Help me fix the puzzle

Fit together the impossible

Broken head

The queen’s broken head

Is in pieces

Everything

Is

In

Pieces.

Ground

Thirteen pieces of black skin

Changed

Everything

And

Nothing

No glory silver

Crossed my tongue

Fuelled my belly

I will walk

In

My

Grounds

Hear

Me

I will walk

In

My

Grounds

Heave power

Like

Blades

And I will catch them in my mouth

Chew

Swallow

Fury invalidates metal

I have every right

To be

I can go away

Without

Moving

See

I have

A

Mind

I can go away

I can go anywhere

Wherever

You lock me

Mock me

Burn me

Piss on me

See

I have

A

Mind

I can go away

I can go anywhere

I can ponder how my boots are getting rough

How they need to be polished

And that will be my time

My thought

My thought

Me

Listen

I will walk

In

My

Grounds.

Pine

I find ten pence

On the bathroom floor

It is covered

In something

Not quite mud

Not quite dust

Surely not powder

I wash it

With the hard soap

Clean it

With the hard paper towel

Keep it in my boot

With my running bag

Disablement

Power

On

Doors

Locked

Thick with magnets

No return ticket

No real place to run

To run

Wet and cold

Plastic

Behind the garage

Anything

Just to make time go away

Just go away

Nestled in the pine tree

Looking at the names

Of children

Who are lost

Wake up

Wake up

And run

Then you will be found

Except no one else can find you

They just take the plastic from your pocket

Turn the key harder

It is fallen as pine

Needles

Trying

To do

The

Job

Yourself

Walk out

The fury

Burn it through

Your boots

She changed direction

That’s good

Except circles only run one way

Stars

Half moon

Like candle light

Off with her head

She can’t look up

Faces at the door

Face the door

Lights

clunk clunk latch

Hiding

On the shower ledge

With the buttons bells and bag

Take your time

Take yourself

Rip the paper into strips

Glue a ladder

Climb it

Then

forget forget

Rest underneath the pine tree

silent

shh

All is quiet

All is gone.

Magic Story

I am delicate in my rampage

Soft as apple toes

I weave down hills

Tumble

Tumble

Fall

Into locked doors

Doors which

I cannot

Remember

Opening

Closing

Taking down my hood

My wet clothes

Grandma is not home

Nobody is home

But there are many wolves

Teeth braced

Ready to rampage

To turn my cumbersome flesh

Into

Well

Something

Good

I wish for the wolf at times

But know he will not come

The pictures get lost

The words broken

I leave trails

Crumbs

If you like

But they are a cumbersome lead

To where I am not

I am not

Anywhere

Anyone

perhaps perhaps

but there are many red capes on the hooks

many bowls of porridge

many towers to tumble down in hair

I wish I could let down my hair

I wish I could fall from the tower

But this is the magic

Story

Not the morbid one

The one in which I am both stuck in

And writing out.

Buttons and Bed

I like it when day

Light

Falls

And we can mumble

Like buttons

Words

Dry

Dispensed

Left

Open

Like a bottle

Of thread

My fingers can’t

Unravel

I wish

I wish

For the red bed

For my self

Like a feather

Falling

Falls

Like sun

Down the hill

A plume

Of colour

Wasted

I wish

I could come

To terms

With this

Fall

So many minutes

Stuck

In the bottle

Wedged

Cotton

Wool

Ether

Not sleep

Sick

On the side

Of the tiles

I wish

I wish

I

Was

Not

This

Hold on to buttons

Even out thread

Place it neatly

In a shiny bottle

And rest

And rest

In the bed of red.

Status Update

Dear All

Jae is in  a safe place right now

Unable to write many words

But am thinking of you. Missing our words. And dialogues

And very much hoping to be back soon

Much thanks for all your support

Jae x

Underneath

I can feel it 
In the floor
The child says
And she is right
It is there
Underneath
For a moment
The noise stops
The last remaining 
Birds sing
I rest in the bench
Like there is nothing
Left to do
Like the passing of air
Is enough
I feel very far 
Away from
You
When 
I am
Outside
I feel very far 
Away from 
Any

One
When
I am
i
love
you
Jesus leans to the side
In supplication
Like a miserable wish
I will make my house smell of vanilla 
Sweet
To chase the rabbit away
I will chew the dust from my fingers
To prove
To prove
I am ready
To keep the yellow and black snake 
Behind glass
To stay awake
In the silent nod 
Of cold
Of empty

I can feel it 
In the floor
The child says 
And she is right
It is there
Underneath.