Septic

We raised a ladder to the roof
Fat poured down the drain 
And we all become slow

You kneel keel
Too many questions
Burst out in a row

exhaust evaporate extinguish

Time is messy and mended
Never runs to plan
Pin down rabbit
Stop the watch

We will pack heaven in our letters
Send them in a dream

Our stomach growls
Kissed to raw perfection
I do love this part
When everything sinks and falls
She claps her hands
Pulls the daisy roots
From her hair
It’s so hard to explain why 

Tiny little runs of words
Like peeling skin
Which never heals

I lick you off my fingers
Sweeter than vanilla filling

I can’t tell if you shiver
Though the room is never dark
Cruel and kind
Mixed up

The bruise is the sentence
The word already written 

We will pack heaven in our letters
Send them in a dream

The chlorhexidine bubbles creep in through the window
Momma is coming home.

Saviour

The land speaks back
When war is coming 

god sal red

Rain washes dust off the flowers

I colour in the lines
Get to know your face

Vanilla 
Water
Dirt

Everything aches

The streets are sticky with people
The last of us

Do you remember
When I was delightful
And you were emaciated
How quickly we degenerated 
Fattened up

You are a good way
To pass a war

The minutes before you wake are so very long so very dull

I kiss your eyes
Save my cunning for the street

I like the conflict the gunfire
The sheer brilliance of our war

I can't be without it

if i stir the vanilla in the water in the dirt maybe i can swallow it consume it consume you clear the streets and declare this thing eternal 

Instead
I lie still 
Body
Cold
Dead skin floating around my eyes your heart my soul

The land speaks back
When war is coming

god sal red

Rain washes dust off the flowers

We will out live acid dust pain

I think they call it survival
But that was the language of another world
One we will never save.

Here

She clings to the cross
Hair like wind down her back
Blue car a dream
Take me with you
Take me with you
The stone stings
Grinds away her eyes
He left a warning
The best ones do
She followed
The best ones do
She threw away the letters
A pile of papers mounting up
Web of black ink on the floor
The more she looked
The less they meant
As if taking them apart
Broke their meaning
The spell
She left them there
On the floor
Adding up
Waiting 
For a response
No one came
They never do
The pale silver ate her skin
A quartet 
Loss love misery pain
Of course she followed
Once she had seen
Nothing else would do
It is natural
Nothing rivals
Loss love misery pain
It ground away her brain
Bluntly knocked the sense out 
And the feeling

plentifully painfully pitifully 

It is difficult she thinks as her fingers bleed
The mind is endless 
And yet all I ask is for is
An end

I dig my fingers in the wall
Make a connection 
Wherever you are
Wherever we will be
As I dream the blue car
You 
Are
Hair 
Like 
A 
Dream
Down 
My
Back.

Real

She is the base element
I am the flame underneath
She turned blue
When I was born
The safety engineer calls
Check the wires
Make no noise
We eat bread like stones
Never leave the sheets
The sun shone
On the day
We became enlisted 
Entwined 
There is no mother
Like your mother
The sign dangles over the empty boxes
Where chocolates once were stolen
Her lips are rough
They skirt the edges of my breast and hips
The pain makes her real
Authentic
Apple pie
In a desert
With no spoon
The days clock over on the flower
Spill like bread dust
Brick dust
Into our cocoon 
We will never leave
We never have to
She burns blue
Brilliantly 
As I shut my eyes
The white hand swings
On the red door
Warning
Keep out
The safety engineer is here
I start the fire
Like the phobia emptied out

Did I meet you when you were born
I was burning underneath

There really is no mother
Like your mother

I smile
Lick the blood on my hips
Make her real.

Run

I run every ten minutes
The clock cracks
Spills kittens on the floor
Such a fuss she wheezes
Maybe I could change the world
If I did the dishes
After I eat
Not before
Knock the dust from the apple tower
Chew crunch spit
Small strips of sugar on the bathroom floor
Keeps us
Just above
Just below
Never quite right
I wish bad words
I think
As it all spins
Like a bottle
They become real
She plops down in the wicker chair
Looks at me
As if when the thought ends
So will she
My face goes slack
Dribbles spit down my chin
She looks 
Wills me not to move
To wipe it off
To wipe her off
My body is cement
Squeezing in my mind
My dreams are for a city
One at the end of a rainbow
Emerald green gold
I want to knock the house down
Set it on fire
Run
Run
Run
Ten minutes
Ten years
As fast as I can
All I need to do is move
This world cannot fix me
It does not see the breaks
The cracks in the mirror
The lost wish
High up in the apple tower
Powder ash dust

i wish
i wish
i wish

But she never answers back.

Plastic

Plastic cats she says
I prefer ones with fur, I say
As if there is a choice
I need to sort the curtains
Out
Watch something to eat
Have TV
Is thought an indulgence
She chucks the cat over her shoulder
Carries on

Maybe I am thankful
That she keeps me awake
Stops me falling through the floor

Look in the cupboard I say
It is full
I am empty

Quite right
She says smugly
Standing up
Wipes the sticky hair from my lips

It really is beyond devotion
That
You
Stay

Hmph,
As if there is a choice

We stand up
Legs like jelly
Head thick
Turgid cloud
Full of rain
That won't come out

Do you know when this will end
I don't say it out loud

I don't need to any more

You know silly

Yes
I guess I do

So what will it be
Bigger or smaller
Bigger I say
Sit back on the sticky floor
My fingers crack as they move

vomit blood tears

Let's just get this done
Alice
There's always tomorrow
Right

Of course silly
This is us
Forever forever forever
She squeals with delight
Takes the dropper out

I wish I could put my hands around her
But they are stuck

Maybe plastic would have been better
I think as I lean against the bath
And wait for what I know.

Fly

I read the window where the flies fall
Thick as dust on the back of the chair
We count time
Ten fifteen maybe twenty years
The cotton scrapes my skin
A reminder of the things I never got to miss
I hunch retch catch my breath
Try and spit out this paradise
I am locked in a jelly castle
Trying to climb the walls
Trip skip bake a cake
High as a kite
Low 
As
Her
You never get to leave you know
She is sour as lemon drops
Stuck on the bottom of an unused bag
I will 
Never 
Let
You 
Count time
Ten fifteen maybe twenty years
Left
The cotton scrapes my skin
A reminder 
She sleeps thick as fog
Full up on the flies
I try and lift the head
It rolls 
This side 
That side
Finally gives up
Stares back from the pillow
Time cracked plates in a row
Shot down 
Sellotaped
Served up on a candy platter
I never got to run away
The head breathes
A motley bag of lies
It is better though 
Right
To be alive
A real joy to celebrate
The time
The dust
The flies
The cotton scrapes my gut
I would come to you
Lift your head
Comb your hair
Fill you up
I think this

I 
Think
This

Lying only the floor

That 
Only
I
Survived.

Up

The lights underground are purple
Like the sun wrapped in candy wrappers

She cannot exist without noise

We drink coffee on the industrial estate
Killing time
Before it starts
Funny how even the end must begin

Don’t think so much
Plays through our head
Fucking dumb
No thought is just that

pensive
punish
please 
please
just stop

me

She lifts the cloth from my eyes
They called my name
Clear as day
Not me
That name
The one reserved for the white bed
Under the white lights

i am scared
dark dry quiet
long since gone

Decrepit yellow chasers on the kitchen sink
Five o’clock 
Ring
All good people come to pray

I am not good
I am good at junk
Credibly terrible

It’s easy as pie
Do it or don’t
There is no failure
As the lemon and blueberry pie floats above your head
And you lie on the floor laughing

hair dripping on water
red alarm dripping on carpet
words dripping through scaffolding
sticky tape bandages 
that won’t hold me 

hold
me

up

i am stuck here
chased to nothing
gone

You don't see 

You don't see at all

How the woman has moved from floor to chair 
But still she cannot get up.

Bruise

I can’t complain about the sea
If you fall asleep you are 
Fair game
Hand print
No mercy
On the fresh paint
Blue wall
The bleak pull of silver
Like a trigger
Snap bang pop
Your letters are sweet
Where the wind licks six 
Gentle kisses round my eye
Banana milkshake
Espresso
Blue bag
Long roof
Candy spring
Fuel inside
Doubled to infinity
When they build the door
I will know that you are gone
That someone new will come
Maybe you are sealed in 
Up 
There
Plywood cage
A few taps and mumbles down the sink
Bad news travels
You see
I can’t complain
I am not the type
If I fall asleep you are
Gone
Easy I guess
Ticked off the list
Fair game
Everything in a blue bag
3am
Assault
Head
Rifle
Bruised
Silver
Swinging
Out at sea
Banana 
Coffee
Rain
I lost your hand
The candy made it sticky
You stopped to wash your fingers in the rain
I can’t complain
They say.