A Donation of Shoes

She stands on tip-toes

Face pressed against the glass

Flapping her arms

Pretending to fly 

Or swim 

Through the clouds

I open the closet

Inside is a donation of shoes

They are flat and brown

With thick white laces

They look

Just like the lace

On my dress

She giggles

I pull at the edges

Of the thread

Thoughts linger in my mind

How many pairs of shoes 

Have I had

How many more will I need

It makes me confused

Sad

My shoes last forever 

She trills

Her hair shining 

In the morning sun

How wonderful it would be

To be beautiful 

I rub my hands together

They are cold and dry 

I am thankful for the 

Donation of shoes

I will put in brown laces

And call them my own. 

A Winter Twilight

We follow the silver path

Deep into the trees

Far away from the sinking fields

And the treacle black river

The fir cones

Scratch our naked feet

But we are happy

Running

Jumping

Laughing

What a curious sound

That is

She giggles

We could never be apart

I whisper quietly

Between splashes and cracks

She taps my shoulder

Leans in close to me

Tiny fingers patting down

Tap

Tap 

Tap

On my prickly flesh

Time to be chased

She roars with delight

So I follow her down

Deeper into the darkness

I look up

The stars are guiding us home

Over the fence

Through the gates

Back safe before the sun rises

It feels good

To breathe in this winter twilight

It makes us soar and sing

We have survived

Little Cricket

And we dance and sway

Celebrating

The dawn of a new day. 

Butcher

The butcher sweeps the floor

It smells like death

And fear

She sighs

It is a week before Christmas 

The animals hang in the window

We make out the shapes

In the dim morning light

I hope we won't see Rabbit

We follow the butcher's hands

They look hurt

Bloodied and chapped

From all the dicing and chopping

We wonder what he thinks

There is a fog in his eyes

Perhaps he feels nothing

Perhaps that is the only way 

To be a butcher

Somehow the scene is frozen

As if we are stuck

In a carnival of horrors

The smell of meat and sawdust

Turns our stomach

We drag our feet away

Walk by the church

It is locked

We imagine the minister inside

Praying to an empty congregation

So many people have their own disguises

I think

Packaged up in clothes and places

What are we

I wonder

Watchers 

She says

Adventurers 

I reply

The light comes up 

As we unlock our door

It is silent

The air is cool and clean

We slowly forget the butcher

And all that we have seen.

Bone Shadows

I feel her

Down in my bones

She is light and dancing

Like fairy cakes

On a summers day

Eaten with cloudy lemonade

Like oxygen

And blood

It is as if we have absorbed

One another

Learnt to survive

Solved puzzles

Squeezed through doors

Gone around in circles

Played

And wept

Laughed

And screamed

Do you remember when you sang

She asks

I do little cricket

I do

I lost my head

In a twinkling star

I remember the bridge

And the powder

The cans

And the liquid

It is part of me

My story

A shadow on my back

An iron hammered into my bones

That is why you need me to dance

She squeals

The page is slowly turning

Soon the past

Will turn from black to grey

It will never be forgotten

Perhaps it will be like a ladder

Stepping stones

Edging us closer 

Towards the sun. 

Gingerbread

A week before Christmas

We will make gingerbread

Ice them with peppermint cream

Press our thumbnails into the 

Warm sugary paste

Lick our fingers

Spin around in circles

Like two little children

Lost in a fable

Will we find our way out

Of the forest 

She giggles

Of course little cricket

We are too old for surprises 

We just need to snap our fingers

And click our heels 

To get back 

It is like landing after a sugar crash

Our clothes torn

Our hair wind swept 

Feet firmly placed

In this room we call home

She shuffles the deck of cards

I took out all the Red Queens

Hid them in a box

As if we could ever forget her

Beyond these walls

Are places we miss

Churches with mangers

Hills with wild flowers

And mud to jump in

Gravestones

To remember 

Water

To forget 

They are there

Even if the door is closed

And the curtains are drawn

Like a gingerbread house

She squeals

Will we be alright

She asks

Yes I say

We will always find a way.

'J'

She holds the letter in her hand

It shines silvery blue

In the pale orange light

Just like her dress

Or a fading star

J

She whispers

It has a curve and a straight line

I like how it rests 

In her palm

How the shape of it 

Curls around her tongue

j j j

I think

Such a simple letter

Too small to hold the weight

Of something great

That is why you added

The a and e

She giggles

It makes the same sound

But is bigger somehow

You

And me

Bound together

She passes me the J

I hold it 

It does not sparkle like it did for her

I feel the curve

Run my fingers up the spine

It feels real

But at the same time a dream

I wonder who gave me the J

If life may have been different

With another letter

I think it is perfect

She says

It has shaped you 

Held you

Pushed you

Brought you back

Perfect I think

Nothing else could suit me better. 

Mistletoe

The candle flame

Flickers and kisses

Our skin

We are sleepy

The dark skies and rain

Weigh down upon our shoulders

The weight of winter

Lurking like footsteps

On the stairs 

Our lips are cracked

Parched

Like old paper

The Red Queen

Has gone

Perhaps that makes us lonely

We liked how she lit us up

Like Christmas lights 

She dared to touch

Passed her electricity through us

Now our head is heavy

And nodding

We tilt our face up 

See the mistletoe

There are dancers in the air

Busy as our thoughts

We like the sharp green leaves

The red berries

Perhaps we should 

Wear it in our hair

She squeals 

Like a wreath

To remember those who have left us

And wait for those who still may come

We look into the candlelight

Watch it move with our breath

Gentle and warm

The heart of us

The small glow of life

That waits to be held.  

Lost Days

What day is it

I ask

The moon hangs on a spindle thread

In the middle of the sky

Glowing softly

Like warm skin

She claps her hands

And answers

Not quite yesterday

Not quite tomorrow

I wonder how many days

We have lost

Dreaming

Looking for signs

Falling out of our heads

No day is lost

She says

They all build up 

And make you who you are

I think as the room grows lighter

Have I grown

Will I ever feel right

At peace

How very dull that would be

She giggles

I grew once and then shrank

It was all part of the adventure

Just like your thoughts

I let her words rest in the air

It feels peaceful somehow

As if the ticking watch is a heartbeat

Slow

Steady 

Constant

No chasing or running

Just being still

Perhaps it is the music of days passing

Skies changing

Moon swapping places with sun

Light and dark

The days pass

Whether we want them to or not

Some we conquer

Some we lose

But always they are ours. 

Dream Watching

We open the window

Look out at the midnight sky

Dream watching

She calls it

I feel the heat of her hand

Nestled in mine

I wonder what we will find

She squeals 

She stands on the tips of her toes

Pushing at my body

Almost slipping out

I am like a shell

Quietly calling for my dreams

Maybe if I find them

I will open up

Reveal the treasure 

Inside my soul 

Float away

Like a drifting star 

She has eyes like a hawk

I can sense everything she sees

It feels alive

Full of energy

The dreams of youth

Not burdened by the knowledge of days

It grows cold

Our skin prickles

She does not want to leave the window

But I guide her softly back to bed

Our heads sink into the pillows

Warm and welcoming

We close our eyes

Wait to feel heavy

To sink into all our dreams 

Those we have watched

And those we have found.  

Lesson

She hands me the silver spoon

On it rests a flash of honey

It has dribbled onto her fingers

And is stuck to her face

She wants me to swallow it down

If it were tea or cake

I would feel happy

But honey makes me sick

The way it sticks to your tongue

Makes you feel as if you cannot breathe

But I do not want to disappoint her

So I have learnt a few tricks

Ways to keep her happy

The honey rests on my tongue

Congealing and heavy

I close my eyes

Slowly it melts

She smiles at me

Maybe she knows

How much I dislike it

We do not have many secrets

After all

She claps her hands

As I swallow

I pour myself a glass of water

Sip it slowly

Wash away the residue of sweetness

Perhaps I would do anything for her

As she does for me

Love certainly is a lesson

We both think quietly 

As we drift off into a sugary sleep. 

Winter Morning

We watch the winter sky

Fall down 

Our faces windswept

Chapped and grateful 

If we listen carefully

We can hear Rabbit's watch

Ticking and tocking

We can't be late

She giggles

We cannot fool him 

For much longer

I reply

We take a sip of juice

Cinnamon and tangerines

It is like sunburst on our tongues

The scent is winter

Crisp and urgent

The flavour

Tart and bracing

Perhaps a day will come 

When we are not tired

I never feel tired

She squeals

I sit still and remember

How it feels to be excited 

Full of life and hope

That never came to me 

When I was young

But she passes on the feeling

Like electric blue

Her hand in mine

Welcoming in

The crisp new

Winter morning. 

Celebration

The cake is slowly rising 

In the oven

It smells sweet and warm

Like rainfall on a summers day

We watch it through the glass

It's like magic she squeals

We are having a celebration

A party to mark the days that were

And the ones that are yet to come

We set the table 

A red check tablecloth

A porcelain teapot

Cups and saucers 

Shiny spoons

And knives and forks

We blow up balloons

Pink and blue

Pink for the colour of her skin

Blue for the colour of her dress

She huffs and puffs

Falls over

Dizzy and happy

We tie strings around them

Let them float

As high as the ceiling

As wide as her eyes

For a while we forget that

It will only be us at the party

We seem to be enough for each other

And all her friends are fading

She twirls and sings

Perhaps it feels like a birthday

A real one

Where everything is special

Soon enough the cake is cooked

I lay it on the table

The top is golden

The bottom filled with cream

And jam

I hand her the serving knife

She cuts two slices

We sit back

Let the soft sponge 

Melt on our tongues

It is heaven

This is a very fine party

She declares

Silently I agree

And let the day drift away

To become a shining memory.

Cornfield

We make a nest

In the green cornfield

The sun has made the stalks

Bristle and crackle

They scratch our bare feet

We slide through

The rows of corn

Sink into the green grass

Lie underneath an open sky

Where the specks on 

The butterfly wings

Catch the light

Blue and tender

Magical

Alice sings to herself

Her voice makes me smile

It is good to be on the

Other side of the door

I am not sure how much longer

We could wait there

Wishing

Hoping

Dreaming 

Moving our body

Moves our mind

Opens up a bigger world

Reveals doors and windows

To pick and choose

Just like Wonderland

She giggles

We do not think about

Where we will go tomorrow

Or any days ahead

All that counts is today

Making it through day and night

Enjoying the sun

Lying quietly

In our green cornfield. 

Carnival Dreams

Alice laughs

That girl is silly

Dressed all in black

Her heart cut out 

Into a red balloon

Which she holds above her head

Does she not know 

The Red Queen

Is the Queen of Hearts 

She asks

We are lying under a blue sky

I like my dress

She mutters

It is fit for any adventure

Her white pinafore

Shines and glows

Her shoes are like mirrors

I am in soft cotton

It eases my skin

Makes me feel wrapped up

Cared for

The trees move

The leaves are nothing more

Than skeletons

From time to time

We drink a sip of tea

It tastes divine when taken 

From the china cups

Time passes

Another day slips by

Silent and unnoticed

Calm

Far removed from night

And our frantic

Carnival dreams. 

Distillation

Summer has drifted away

As imperceptibly as grief

She was a courteous guest

Full of light

And orange skies

Now winter comes

It turns the sky blue

Gifts us with moonlight

We like the distillation

The crisp lines

And bitter cold

We blow on our hands for warmth

When dusk draws in

We escape in the night

Visit stars

Take wing and flight 

In our dreams we are graceful

Unburdened by our aching flesh

Our skin still tears and burns

The pain comes

And goes

We wear soft cotton

To wrap us up

Like clouds

She giggles

For a moment everything is clear

We know our place

Understand our time

Accept what will be

In the end

We still miss her of course

But life is simpler

Without the Red Queen

We can play and dream

And that makes winter

Very fine indeed.

Hurricane

We open the window

Stick our heads out

Let the eye of the hurricane

Touch our skin

It feels electric

Charged

Painful

Do you remember when

Pain kept us alive

She giggles

Her words get swept away

In the current of air

I like that

It feels almost like a celebration

A casting away of the old

An opening for the new

The leaves crackle and burn

The flowers bend

We are alive I think

Isn't that curious 

She says

We stand at the window

Right until the light fades

The sky is too crumpled

For stars

The wind has made us ready to sleep

We drink warm milk

Cuddle up in the red bed

The hurricane has passed

Now a gentle breeze

Rocks us

To and fro

To and fro

I feel her hand reach for mine

This was a better day wasn't it

She says

Yes 

I reply

A better day indeed.   

Nowhere

She holds the bible

In her right hand

It is well worn

The letters so well 

Cared for

They feel like ashes

Falling between our fingers 

We are standing on a hard floor

Behind a rusted door

The windows let in the night sky

The stars are far away

Leading a trail between

Nothing and nowhere 

It feels like a dream

As if we sold the Red Queen

And left behind our bed

How very grim indeed

She sighs

I unfurl the bedroll

See a glass of bourbon

Half drunk

Left behind too

I take a sip

It burns

As I swallow it down

Harsher than a prayer

Sleep abandons us here

In the morning we will

Walk away

Carry on our own journey

From nowhere to nowhere

But always with each other. 

Findings

We found the letters 

In the dirt

Dug them out

Made words

Created a story

Some parts sang

Others cried

But still it was our adventure

I remember the letter squares

I stole

When words

Were still unknown

And I was younger than her

I tried to eat them

Hid them in my pockets

I liked the colours

And the cardboard

They felt strong between my teeth

Now we lick the dirt from our hands

And we are grown 

We really should know better

She giggles

It is strange

How time moves

How moments crystallise

And only make sense when looked 

Back upon

I would like to swallow 

Sweet letters now

Make a rainbow of words

Erase the story

That we have become

Write something

Special and new

One day says Alice

One day we will. 

The New Song

We sing the new song

Like a thrush

Welcoming the morning 

Giddy from the darkness

Of night and dreams

Time always moves

Like notes and sounds

Birds calling

Rain falling 

There are days when 

We want to go backwards

To know what comes first

And to forget how things will end

We imagine ourselves flying

Wings spread out

Soaring on the currents

Free as birds

She giggles

We would climb as high as we could

Then plummet down

And down

Just like falling into the hole

Stomachs sinking

Heads pulsing

Like a heartbeat 

Life itself

Of course it is just a dream

All the tea parties 

And riddles

They are like a game

But they keep us safe

Let us adventure

Take us away

On the breeze of

A sweet new song.

Rosary

She holds the rosary bones

In her hand

They seem too big for her pale 

Little fingers

She passes them from

Finger to thumb

Quietly counting

As they jangle and click

She furrows her brow

Concentrating

Do you know how to pray

I ask

Of course

Silly

Mother taught me how

She said prayers were like secrets

I stay quiet

I hope those secrets kept her safe

From the man who wrote the story

She sits framed by daylight

Looking out the window

I watch her hand fall

The rosary bones drop to the floor

I wonder who died

To help keep her secrets 

Whoever it was must have been 

Very special 

As special as her

We watch the clouds stumble 

Across the sky

The leaves float off the trees

A silent russet carpet

Perhaps when we are ready 

We will jump in them

Our secret hope

And prayer.

Possibilities

We place our hands

On the screen door

The glass is cool

Like rainfall 

Night is almost upon us

It floats around our edges

Like treacle

We open the door and listen

We expect to hear owls

And stars

Things which define darkness

Night knows better

It paints a picture

A silent history 

A path of light to lead the way

It is so bold

So certain

That we cannot escape its meaning 

Underneath the stars 

We grew

We leave fingerprints on the glass

Spider webs of possibilities.

Price

How much are words worth

She asks

Chewing the top of her pencil

A fresh white sheet of paper 

Sat in front of her

I try to think

But am as blank as the page

Maybe a penny or two

She says

I am not sure words are worth pennies

You cannot trade them or save them

Of course you can

Silly

Look at me

I am remembered

I consider

Is she a person

Or a collection of words

Strung together to form a story

Preserved

Like a bone in amber

There for people to enjoy

And use

I wonder if her story was a price to pay

She never gets to grow

Or learn how to

Paint her own Wonderland

It was all made for her

Not with her

She reads my thoughts

We are writing new places every day

Syllable by syllable

Line by line

I look at her paper

It is no longer empty

A beautiful trail of pencil letters

Fill it up

And for a second we know 

That words are worth the weight of gold. 

Swallowtails

The swallowtails swoop and twirl

Dancing through the rooftops

And the trees

If we close our eyes 

We can hold onto the sparkle 

Of their wings

Not as bright as the monarch

Or viceroy's wings

But still they light up 

The dull sky

Flap away the rain 

Lighten up our dreams

We follow their trail

It is as certain as a freight train 

We lose ourselves in the pattern

Back and forth 

Back and forth 

It is soothing

Like the steady tick

Of a pocket watch 

Ordered and tidy

Like letters neatly written 

Within the margins

No sagging ink marks

Or overcrowded lines

To spoil the story

Of course every thing which flies

Or falls needs to rest

So we open our eyes

Move away from the window

Let the dance of colour

Fade into the distance

The fine song of movement linger in our ears

Perhaps this was a good day 

She whispers

I nod silently 

Perhaps it is little cricket

Perhaps it is. 

Walking Away

I cannot imagine walking away from her

I know the weight of her body

The warmth of her skin

The way she feels

As she sleeps in the crook 

Of my back

I know how her hair smells

Honey and lavender 

How she shifts from side to side

As she dreams

I look forward to her laughter

Her sense of adventure

At the break of every day

I wonder if she knows

This is not where she was meant to fall

How the tea party never ends here

And we are all a little mad

Of course she does

Alice knows everything 

The wind brushes the window

Soon it will be light 

The rain trickles

Makes a splashing sound

Perhaps we will jump in puddles today

Or just lie still

Cocooned in our world

Listening to each other breathing 

Breath is life

I think

Our lives breathe together

As if we are one

And Wonderland has taught me

That you can never walk away from yourself.

Sheltered

There is a faint rainbow in the sky

We watch it fade

Like petals falling from flowers

We walk with nowhere in mind

Always turning circles

Trying to find a place where

We are sheltered 

Perhaps if we had known care

We would have found our place by now

All these steps are a diversion

The urge to move as strong

As turtles swimming across the pond

Perhaps we should catch them

She squeals 

Just like little boys 

I have the urge to laugh

But hold it in

It does not feel right to smile

When disease is in the air

She holds out her hand

It is as soft as the gentle rainbow

I give her mine in return

Calloused and worn

In that moment of connection

We have found our sheltered place.

 

October

October is coming soon

Perhaps we will carve 

Pumpkin heads

Make angels out of fallen leaves

We like it as the air grows cooler

And the winds make our feet quicken

And when it gets dark

She squeals

Remember when the bat flew in

Its silken black body 

And outstretched wings

It barely made a sound she says

I did not think it was real

Not until it flew

Then I turned on the lights

Opened the windows

Ushered it back into

The velvety night

It would be nice to tend a fire

To hear the wood crackle

See the flames rise and fall

Orange

The perfect colour for October

The peach glazed sun in the sky

The white clouds

Crisp blue skies

We sit and watch the light fade

Content

Closed inside

Happy within ourselves 

As if we are wrapped

In the finest blankets

We are glad

October is coming soon. 

Passing

We strain honey in the fading light 

It flows thick and heavy

Like tar

Soon darkness will fall upon us

Close around our shoulders

Like a warm coat

Alice never had a coat

I think

Do you get cold

I ask 

She shrugs

Perhaps she is always too busy 

To feel the weather

Or too young

We are lost in the moment

Hands moving as one

Fingers sticky

Faces dreamy

It is a precious rhythm 

One we cannot break 

It feels like

A passing mystery 

We both think of toast

The honey sinking into the warm grains

A hot cup of tea

Our tummies full

Just before sleep

Soon it is too dark to see the molten yellow

We wipe our fingers

Carry our treasure to the table

Quite magical 

She says

In passing.

Backbone

My little backbone sits 

On the top shelf

From down here

Her legs look as frail as matchsticks

As if she would snap 

When jumping down

But she is strong

And has experience in jumping

Maybe that is why she likes to climb

She hears me thinking

I like to be close to the stars

She says

In a clear, strong voice

How grown up she sounds

As if she has become something more

I wonder if I am more too

I am not sure if she was meant to stay forever

Helping me

Supporting me through

Dark and light

Now the skies are brighter

I worry that she will leave

Never 

Silly

She squeals

Hopping down

With a graceful thud

Nimble as a cat

Beautiful as a feather

She grasps my hands

And spins me round

We dance for a while as the night 

Grows thicker

I take a deep breath

Relieved that she will stay with me

Keep the sun shining

And the tea hot and sweet

We fall down tired

Her head next to mine

I suppose we have both survived

Many jumps

Perhaps they glued us together

Fused her bones with mine

Together we are as tough as metal

Though our souls are gentle as flowers. 

September

Alice wraps her shawl 

Around her shoulders 

The waves roar 

The sky is rumpled 

The blackbirds line up 

On the gate 

Their wings wave in the breeze 

Like a greeting 

She exclaims 

Moving her arms as if 

To conduct their song 

I like it when she wears a smile 

Today we planted seeds 

Plunged them deep into 

Rusty soil 

I expect it will be a sparse crop 

September bears a tiny sun 

A small display of rain 

But when it is gone we miss it 

We huddle together and run 

Closing the door behind us 

Rubbing our feet and hands 

Ready for a feast of jam and tea 

And a sleep full of dreams

And wishes.

Legacy

How would you like to be remembered
Asks Alice
I do not think I will be
Little cricket
I am not the same as you
You are special
Preserved in words
For everyone to treasure
But you make words too
She says
Straightening her dress
It is different
You are a story
I am fragments
Tiny blades of glass
Stuck together
To form letters
Perhaps you are a shorter story
I look at her eyes
So keen to please
Shiny as polished moons
Perhaps so
It is hard to disappoint her
The sun is creeping
Through the room
Casting shadows of trees
And leaves
They dance on the ceiling
Play on the walls
Alice tries to catch them
With her hands
Giggling and squealing
Unaware that her last words
Have already been written
Whilst mine are still to come.

River

Sometimes it feels as if our
Heart is drowning
All caught up
In the eddies and the surges
As the heart is lost
The body lies on the bed
Heavy as a bulwark
Stopping the thoughts
Spinning our wheel of luck
Dredging up the fundamentals
Of our being
In the mix of mud and metal
We pan for our good points
And our faults
We find something new
Every day
As time turns on
We edge away from the river mouth
Wash our feet
Dry them gently
With soft cotton
The warm water soothes us
Makes us ready for sleep
And that we love
She sighs
Contentedly
As we move away from the water
Our heart feels stronger
A heavy beat on dry land
We breathe
Slow it down
Close our eyes
And listen to the gentle
Lap of the far off river.

Phoenix

Alice stares at the ashes in the hearth
The taste of rotten pennies
Lingers in my mouth
The light faded many hours ago
Now the room is full of ghosts
And noises
Creaks
Shudders
Bangs
Do you think it was a phoenix
She asks
I doubt it little cricket
I reply
Maybe if we wait for morning
We will see it rise again
I roll over on to my side
Prop my head up
With my hand
I feel so very tired
Even though I have stopped
Perhaps I have many years
Of lost sleep knocking on my shoulder
The ashes must be cool now
Alice pokes at them with her fingers
Just burnt tinder and paper
She sighs
Nothing magical will appear from dirt
She wipes her hands
On her pinafore
Lays down next to me
I can feel her soft skin
And her gently beating heart
Somehow she lights the room
A pale blue glow
Like a winter sky
I close my eyes
Imagine what it would be like
To rise again.

Adjustment

We step into the red room
Our eyes adjusting to
The dimpsey light
We keep our backs to the door
Just as we have learnt
There is a broken stepladder
Resting on the wall
Beneath a broken window
Somebody must have tried to
Get out
She whispers
And they did not have much luck
I reply
We use our fingers to feel around
There is broken concrete
Sawn up wooden boards
A trail of clues
A pathway of things
That tell a story
A change from our own
I suppose
Perhaps the Red Queen
Was here
Growing old
Decaying
We do not see her any more
We miss the electricity of her hands
I hear munching
Alice holds an apple
A juicy snack
I hope it is not poisoned
That is a very different story
She chuckles
And we open the door
Step back outside.

Cotton

Can we have a rest
She asks
We have been folding cotton squares
Since sunrise
Now the skies are turning grey
Of course I say
And she leans back into her chair
With a heavy sigh
Sometimes I forget that
We get tired
It is as if time floats along in a dream
Seconds chasing minutes
Hours chasing days
I pour her some cold milk
She gulps it down
Smiles and swings her legs
Underneath the table
She looks out of the window
I keep on folding
I have to keep my hands busy
To still my head
Otherwise the black thoughts come
And once they come it is hard
To make them leave
We sit in silence
Together
But apart
For the moment at least
Shall I tell you when it is time for bed
She asks
Yes little cricket
I reply
She takes my hand
Cups hers around my ear
Whispers
It is time for bed now
My hands stop moving
My body feels heavy
I let my limbs sink into
The cotton sheets
That lay upon the bed.

Photograph

Remember when we sat
On the edge of the bridge
Our feet dangling
Casting shadows on the water below
People say it was a dark time
But we never felt so alive
It was as if everything was framed
Caught in the corners
Of a photograph
One carefully folded in our pocket
Tenderly treasured and touched
An idol
Our own religion
A momentary epiphany
We set light to the papers
The bones in our fingers
Working on their own
We sculpted the cinders in our hands
Climbed up to the roof
Danced and sang
Took our clothes off
To let people see
She giggles
It really was magical
A time of grace
I am glad we lived it
Glad that we survived.

Foundation

Alice cuts the butter into tiny squares
They shine like marigolds
Under the fluorescent light
What are you making little cricket
A wall
We have walls I say
I want to build my own castle
The butter is melting
It leaves a greasy trail
On the porcelain plate
Alice looks flustered
Her face pink
Her eyes beginning to water
I want to keep the bad man out
She whispers
I nod
You will need stronger foundations
I say
And a place to keep your bricks cool
She rests her hands in her lap
I make some toast
Wait until it shines golden brown
Lay it on the table to cool
As I sit down I see the bricks
They have melted
Alice wipes her fingers on her dress
Looks to me for an answer
My walls will keep you safe too
She nods
We cannot let the butter waste
With a swift move she dips the toast
Into the yellow liquid
I think my castle is quite delicious
She declares
And we smile and feast
Safely tucked inside.

Apple Season

It is apple season
We take turns with the knife
Sitting inside the sun soaked kitchen
The rays shining in from the porch
A cotton sheet covers the window
So we do not get too hot
Or scorch the precious fruit
With each turn of the blade
Thin strips of apple skin
Fall into the shiny bucket
They make a tiny wave of noise
A release as they fall
Drip
Drip
Thud
We will mix the skins with cinnamon
Make a heady brew
Drink it
Like an elixir
Underneath the stars
We are left with the crisp
White flesh of apples
So glowing they could almost be alive
Perhaps we should make a pie
She says
Maybe
I reply
I imagine my teeth sinking into
The juicy flesh
The juices cool
Waking up my mouth
Loosening my tongue
Refreshing and delicious
Our hands hurt from peeling
Our backs ache from sitting
But there is a joy in seeing
The skins separated from the fruit
A job done
A day well spent
A solution we rarely find
We wipe our hands
Carry the buckets
To the sink
Pour water onto our treasure
It creates a mist
The smell of apple season
Lingers in the air.

Day

We dine on stars for breakfast 
Have tea and scones for lunch
Then comes the darkness 
And we
Swallow screams for dinner
She sits and thinks
What about supper
She asks
Mother says never to sleep
On an empty stomach
Warm milk
I reply
As pearly as the moon
And thick as daytime clouds
That sounds just right she says
And hops next to me
Nimbly
Full of youth
Just another day
One of us grows older
The other lives in an electric storm
Frozen
Not petrified 
Or burnt
I would play my days differently
If I could
Erase the marks 
Write a history
With happier things
We do not get a second chance
We cannot undo what is done
We can only try not to do it again
How curious she says
How very complicated 
To be grown
Yes I think
As we drift off deep into
Buttermilk dreams. 

Daisy Chain

I braid her hair with daisy chains
Summer is wearing on our soul
I have had enough of it
She sighs
Me too little cricket
I say
As I let the plait fall through
My sticky fingers
She sits up suddenly
I lie still
Too old
To follow her moves now
Did I fall through the mirror or jump
She asks
You fell down the hole
And jumped through the mirror
I shift slightly
To see her face
It was magic I whisper
To the foggy skies
I will have to tell her
Again and again
Not that I mind
It is all part of our storyline
She wiggles her toes
And stretches her feet
I feel as if we must sleep now
To ward away the heat
Our breathing is heavy
Our thoughts a thunder storm
We hope for a keen wind
To carry in the end of summer
Rain to ease our soul.

Storm

Alice counts the thunder storms
Clash
Clash
Bang
She squeals with delight
I hold my head
Wait for the rain
In the silence
I am explaining
A few things
Time
Space
Being
All wrapped up in one large bang
It is peculiar
How the days turn
How night always comes
How we tap our toes in time
To the second hand
The window turns grey
There is no air
I think I can't breathe
Remember all the times
When I couldn't
Not on my own
Life is quieter now
Less catastrophes
A peak and trough
That is not so steep
We are happy lying still
I think
Slowly growing older
Turning grey
Just like the sky
She giggles
With one last roar
The rain falls down
It smells fresh
Washes away the morning
Remember that word
I ask her
Petrichor
She says proudly
Another word
Bound up in our bag
Ready to be used
When the time is right.

Tango

Let's dance a tango
She says
Grabbing my hand
The night is black
She is young
And the stars shine around her
Like egg yolks in a pan
Her hair brushes my cheek
And for a moment
I think
If only this could last forever
We spin and twirl
Spin and twirl
Until we are dizzy and fall
Flatten ourselves to the floor
The hills and the plains
Far away from our door
Tell me what you want
She asks
Peace
I say
She chews her fingertips
In concentration
I think she is looking for an answer
It is not as simple as falling down a hole
And wanting to get out
But it is she exclaims
That is your answer
Your story in essence
Is the same as mine
I stay quiet
Knowing she is right.

Happiness

What makes you smile
Asks Alice
Words I say
Without hesitation
Sometimes they are soft
Like honey melting into warm bread
Sometimes harsh
Like broken bottles
But always they find us
Like a treasure hunt
She giggles
Some words have sound
Some rest silently
Wrap around us
Leave us spinning like a bumble bee
She claps her hands
I know what she likes
Cakes
Stars
Tea
Cats
Anything with form
Belonging
Do I belong with you now
For the time being little cricket
Does that make you happy
Yes I say
Without hesitation
We settle into the day
Watch time turn
And light cast shadows on the walls
It is peaceful
Gives us chance to gather up
Syllables
Vowels
Letters
Tomorrow we will arrange them on paper
Let them speak
Tell a little story.

Heart

She comforts my heart
With her smile
Her eyes glow
Like fireflies
You can see them shine
From a mile away
It is hot
We are both sleepy
Sore from lying still
We crave the rain
A spell of wetness to ease our pains
The sun was unforeseen
You will get used to it
She whispers
It is a pity I cannot advise myself
Quell all the torment
And the worries
I curl up small
Just like her
As if I copy her
I will become her
But would I really want that
To never be allowed to grow
There is more than one way to grow
She interrupts
Age is not growth
Not necessarily wisdom either
So we wait for the sun to fall
For our self to unfurl
Underneath the starry cool sky.

Metaphor

Alice sits on the window sill
The sky a blue and white blanket
Falling around her shoulders
Her long hair a flowing golden river
Her feet tap out a silent rhythm
A steady pace
As if she is calm
Each kick of the heel
A punctuation mark
Not a question mark
She giggles
All our life is fiction
Perhaps today there is less conflict
A fight we can edit out
To love and belonging
Do you know the plot
She says
No little cricket
We just take it a verse
A poem
At a time
Let our mood guide the way
That sounds just right
She says
I am glad I am in your stories
It is as if I belong
Like I can be shared
You exist to everyone who believes
I reply
She hops down as the light fades
The ink on the paper disappearing
Blows me kisses
Gentle as the flowers of affection.

Spider

The spiders are busy
Spinning their milky webs
They are our friends tonight
We spend a longtime watching
They give us a magic
We cannot explain
Twisting and turning in the air
As if they know when to start
And quit
Alice looks harder
As if she knows someone
Will give her advice
I am incoherent
Happy in the silence
Sometimes our life feels demented
But it is ours
The rain will come and
Wash the webs away
We will stay
Wrapped up in the misty sky
Breathing gently
Waiting for morning to come.

Sugar

Alice chews a shooting star
Whilst sitting on the moon
I watch her fizz and glow
Sparkle and twirl
All the best things in the world are sweet
She squeals
I run my tongue over my blackened teeth
Fearful they may fall out
Just as we dreamed
She says
There are sugar mice in the cupboard
Jellybeans in the drawer
Strawberries slowly ripening
In a crystal clear bowl
When the fizzing stops
She jumps down
Falls next to me on the bed
Her hair sticky
Where she wiped her fingers
Tomorrow we will brush the sugar out
For now we will enjoy the buzz
The feeling of being full
Drowsy
Sleepy
Glowing.

Reflection

We peer at our reflection
Playing with the mirror
Your face looks stolen and faded
She says
My hair looks silver
Long and knotted
Hers is laced with
Daisy chains
It makes her look
Fair and free
We will play until sun fall
Make our payment to Hatter
If we do not he may well
Deliver us a cruel joke
She whispers
Secretly we know
Everyone is a friend
The light pours through the window
We drink iced tea
To cool down and stay awake
In a few hours the moon will come
A kinder light
In which to look at ourselves
A fresher breeze
A tonic to our aching skin
Look she says
The mirror is changing
A shadow falls on its curve
How pretty we are
She exclaims
And for a brief moment
I think
Yes
How pretty we are indeed.

Sight

They say we see the little things
Caterpillars on leaves
On trees
Never the forest
Nothing passes us by
It makes our head ache
Ten of diamonds
Eight of clubs
Rainbows
Rabbits
And cream
All the world is signs and symbols
There to be read
She says
She sits on the shelf
Swinging her legs
Another night of
Broken dreams
Visions
Pictures
Clues
Today we will eat honey
She declares
I am stuck
Find it hard to reach the kitchen
I fall asleep
She settles
We live in harmony
Seeing the same things
Knowing the same things
Together
As one.

Passport

I clutch my passport
For a while
I had to look at the name
And the picture
To tell who I was
We cast wishes into the sky
Like kites
Brushing the clouds
Ushering down the rain
A steady river of water
My face is hot
I place my fingers on my cheek
The heat transfers
The tears cluster on my finger tips
The grapes have turned brown
Forgotten in the bowl
The weight of the world
Feels to be descending
We lie still
It is too dark to read my name
See my picture
If you can't see who you are
You can be anyone you like
She says
I take a deep breath
Try to believe.

Red

Things were different back then
She says
Out of nowhere
Remember when the Red Queen
Touched our shoulders
Sent waves of blue electricity
Down our spine
Now the bed is changed
Red to blue
And the Red Queen
Has left forever
Never forever
Alice says
No one leaves Wonderland
But this is real
I protest
As real as me
She chuckles
She pours some tea
I lie in the fresh blue bed
It feels nice
I suppose
Sleep is even better
It comes
Eventually
Just like it did back then
We sip tea
Look at the rain out of the window
The words mark time
Different
But the same
A story in process
Slow but sure
Known and unknown
How we wish for that strong arm
On our shoulder.

Braid

I wash and braid her hair
It falls down the middle of her back
Soft
Smooth
Pretty
It is these simple times
Which grace us with joy
Quiet
Slow
Swimming
Thoughts unjumbled for a moment or two
A pause in the parade of worries
Not quiet blissful
Not quite bad
Things which make us calm
In the distance we hear the gate
Blowing open and closed
In the breeze
It is a steady rhythm
Like a heart beat
Lub-dub lub-dub
It makes us feel sleepy
As if we have just filled up
On cake and tea
How many days have we slept away
She asks
Too many little cricket
Too many
Best we move then
She declares
As if it was as easy as braiding her hair.

Pavement

We hit the pavement
Like the flies hit the window pane
Skip
Trip
Fall
The concrete is smooth
And cool
It soothes our aching skin
The rain drops shoot through
Our veins
Bzz
Like electricity
She giggles
She knows everything about the light
We lie still
What better place to be
It is quiet
Not too soft
Not more than we deserve
We can roll on our backs
Make patterns in the clouds
Truth is we can't get up any more
We are dead still tired
Rigid as the pavement
As unyielding as the mossy pillow
We have forgotten how to get back
Not like the flies
They always know where to go
Towards the sun
She claps her hands
But the sun is fading
And the concrete moves from smooth to rough
Cool to cold
We must move
Before the stars come out
We crick and shake our bones
Prise ourselves up
Head for home
Wherever that might be.

Belly

She rolls onto her belly
The edges of her form
Floating and soft
Like butter on bread
The kettle bubbles quietly
Just in time for tea
Tea will be wanted
Well worth waiting for
We will open up the gates
Light the fire
Forge a welcome for Hatter
He is funny
She chuckles
I wonder what would happen
If he lost his hat
I pour the tea
Swallow the sweet sugary brew
It makes my head spin
Alice sits up
Yawns
Stretches her arms
Ready for the next chapter
I turn the pages of our book
Mark out the words
In red ink
The paper feels special
Our writing too dull to do it favours
We need a spark
A good start
One day it will come
We just have to keep trying.

Unexpected

Well that was unexpected
Shrieks Alice
The sunlight dapples her cheeks
The postman delivers the post
The flowers take a turn
Fall like silver on a thermometer
We do not want to lose their petals
The colour filled us up
Just like cake
Or tea
The Red Queen is painting her house blue
It seems dark
But she will light it up
We miss seeing her
And Hatter
Slowly
Slowly
Life takes shape again
We preferred the quiet
It was easier to understand
People make things confusing
Rushing like Rabbit
Speaking nonsense like the Cheshire Cat
We have no choice but to join in
It is how you survive
She says
Licking her sticky fingers
Keep your expectations low
And something magical might just happen.

Dusty

Her lips bruise mine
Gentle butterfly kisses
Like corn dancing
In a dusty field
The sun light brushes the page
Weightless like music
A fiddle trilling
A full bar
My joints ache
Too many hours
Scrunched up
Not thinking
Rather
Trying not to think
Running as fast as I can
From the wedding
You really are curious
She giggles
You run but lie still
How will you ever leave this stuck place
Unless you move
She skips and dances
Free as a rainbow
I am too tired
Worn down
To join in
I would like time to stop
Go back
Make different choices
But events have already been
Written in the sky
You can puff them away like clouds
She blows
Like puffing out a birthday candle
I smile
And reach for her hand.

Succeed

When all else fails
I turn to Alice
Skip through windows
Tear down doors
And jump through mirrors
Of course
We giggle about our adventures
They really have not been pretty
All the rooms we have been locked in
Being locked in our head
The potions we drank
The cake they made us eat
It really was a dark kind of
Tea party
Nobody touches us now
I think they gave up
She whispers
Me too little cricket
Me too
In a way it is better
We do not expect the world now
And it does not expect us either
There is comfort in that
A relief
We will always skip
Trip
Fall
And pour out our successes
On paper.

Daughter

Her name is brave
Fiery chips of soot
Muttering on her tongue
I give her due reverence
And she shudders
We pause the choke hold
Separate
I am hers
And she is mine
We cannot travel to the other's homeland
We pass like ships in the night
She giggles
If I ever have a daughter
I would like her to be just like you
I say
Strong
Wise
Knowing
Not pretty and sweet
She says
That too
Perhaps
I think strength is worth more than pretty
She ponders
My brave little soul.

Music

The music plays under a sky full of stars
Alice sings along
Her voice sweet as sugar
I tap my foot
In time to her trills
We have a song for each frozen moment
As if our feelings
And being
Are captured
The playlist changes
We have a tune to get us through
One thing
Then another comes along
But we are lucky to have them
It is like chapters
Built up to a story
An electricity
And a prayer
I hope she does not stop singing
Even when the stars fail to shine
Perhaps the noise keeps them shining
Perhaps the music let's us see
It really is a wonderful
Synchronicity
Feelings
Music
Words.

Foremothers

We learnt our lessons from our foremothers
They took root
Like string
In the lines of our realm
They send healing thoughts
It unfolds like a spirit
In our heart
We try to absorb their wisdom
Let the wind from the coast
Caress our face
Time is slippery
A distant memory
We try to hold each day
But they fall from our hands
You can't hold memories
Silly
They are not made of concrete
They are not tea and cake
How lovely that would be
We hold our tummies and groan
Nothing fills us up
But we are huge
Tomorrow should be a special day
She whispers
I pretend not to hear
Part of me wishes we could just sleep through
Forget about all our losses
And sorrow
But we will wake up
We always do
Trip
Skip
Fall
We hope there will always be someone
Able to help us up.

Stopping

It only takes a little bit of self discipline to stop
It is your hand that picks up the bottle
And pours
You make it sound so easy
It is
Silly
You have stopped many bad things before
I stop and think
She is right
Of course
Perhaps I am scared
Perhaps I am lazy
But it feels so hard to lose
It is like a friend
A time killer
Familiar
Safe
In a strange way
What will I fill my days with
Words and pictures
She replies
How nice that would be
To get lost in a story
Follow my lead
She giggles
I will leave the bottle
For a while
Stopping has to be little by little
I decide.

Laugh

We laughed when we met
Bodies entwined
Like taut poems
A gift of words
Turning like tongues in the ground
We lick the earth
It makes us feel connected
A lesson our elders taught us
Before they died
Rituals and habits
Thoughts and beliefs
It was a happy day
She says
Smiling
I wish I could remember more
The time she came to me
All I can think is she came
When I needed
And that was a long time ago
We look in the mirror
Decide not to jump through today
The sun shines
We hear people returning to the streets
We preferred the quiet
But must learn to love the noise
It will be ok
She whispers
I giggle in return
A tiny teardrop dripping from my eye.

Fear Itself

We run scared
Scarred
Sacred
Into the night
Our breath like tiny puffs of smoke
Set upon the dark sky
In the moonlight
You can see the marks on my skin
Each mark is a moment
Put together they tell a story
A life story
One of fear
And suffering
It is hard to think of a different body
A before
I was your age when I began
I never learnt to stop
Nobody ever taught me to
They sent us to the darkest places
Imagined we would come out light
But it only made things darker
More painful
More nightmares to catch us
Perhaps one day we will stop
It is inevitable she says
We cannot run forever
Let's just keep moving to morning
I say
Then we know it is safe to sleep
We hold hands
Breathe deeply
And carry on.

Magic Tree

We will plant a magic tree
She will have strong roots
Buried deep in the earth
And shiny bells and ribbons on her branches
When the sun shines
Her leaves will shade us
When it rains
We will hear the sound of gentle weeping
We hope that war never comes
Again
It would stop the bells
From trilling
Make us all mute and full of sorrow
Alice raises a skinny hand up to the sky
What type of tree will she be
Poplar
Oak or
Maple
Oak I say
Certain in my answer
That seems like the strongest tree
And there will be acorns
We imagine the magic tree
Well into the night
She makes for happy dreams.

Hair

The streets are lined with fallen birds
No pretty feathers for her hair
Then we shall give her
Ribbons and bows
Alice claps her hands with delight
The sun sparkles off her auburn locks
Her skin pale and glowing
The fine necklace draped
Like silver around her neck
We can only dream of being such a lady
We imagine her voice
Soft and lyrical
Perhaps she sings
Or trills sweet poetry
Well into the night
There is much to find in a face
Says Alice
I look at hers
Blue eyes
Sharp and keen
All ready to match her dress
Long hair we happily brush
I wonder why the birds fell
She asks
We all fall down in the end
If we are lucky someone will have painted our face.

Potatoes

We dig potatoes in the afternoon sun
Grateful as the soil
Scatters through our fingers and toes
We plant three more seeds
We hope with grace
That they do not fly away on the breeze
Perhaps they will grow
Perhaps they will rot in the ground
We hope for another bountiful harvest
Alice looks over her shoulder
Down the country lanes
Lost in the bright green fields
We have nowhere left to dash
No more truckled dreams
Every day is lazy
Like a soft dream
Time ticks on
We grow old
Not wise
How many wasted years
Hours
Minutes
Seconds
Do not forget the words
Says Alice
Put all together they are you
And your story
They mean a lot
Thank you
I say
For helping me tell my story.

Worry

It is hard to let things be
She sighs
Each worry builds upon another
Until it is like a tightly
Wound ball of string
Bound in our stomach
Impossible to get out
We listen for drips and bangs
Electricity and water
We lie to ourselves about the shape of our body
It is unrecognisable
Huge
She giggles
Easier to lie in bed
Than try to change
Except that makes us unhappy
If only we could find the end of the string
Pull it
Straighten it out
Like a story unfolding
We miss the Red Queen
Her truth and hand
Upon our shoulder
We wonder if she will ever come back
We wonder if the world will ever be the same
Let us eat cake
Lie to ourselves and play in wonderland.

Tooth

She leans over and fills our tooth
It is like needlepoint
Alice squeals
All about filling holes
And making smooth patterns
She is all smiles and clapping arms today
Her face is happy
Her fingers nimble
It feels like help is stacking up
Becoming open to us
Like ripping off mittens
As the weather turns warm
Sometimes I am afraid
I am not unharmed
It is a mix of good things and bad things
I run my tongue over my tooth
It feels smooth and strong
All the better for eating tea with
No gaping holes for the tea to sting
For a while my lips are numb
That makes me think of all the bad things
I could do
Instead I wait for the feeling to return
It is all about waiting
She says
Being patient and safe
Seeing the good things when they happen
I match her smile
And together we wait for a very special tea party.

Dandelion Street

We walk down Dandelion Street
Kiss through paper masks
We like the quiet and silent footsteps
But it is sad
Full of losses
People gone before they are ready
Do you remember when we last
Held hands
Of course little cricket
You are my touchstone
Warmth
Comfort
Friend
You will help me through everything
She smiles
I can tell from her pale eyebrows
Poking out
Behind the mask
Raised and strong
We wonder how long people will stay at home
It feels like forever
There is nothing more we need
A bed
Each other
That is a kind of happiness
Perhaps
So we kick down Dandelion Street
Ready for our next adventure
Ready to take off our masks.

Splash

We run and splash
At the end of the world
Toes dipping in the ocean
Boys wear helmets
Girls wear hats
We let our hair flow free
For one glimmering moment
We see forgiveness
A door and a prayer
All our thoughts spiral downwards
Pulses through our veins
Beats in our heart
Perhaps we are happy
She says
Playing in our head
Being free
Stories float through our thoughts
Endings drift away
I hold her hand
And we swim in the sea
Let the salt heal our skin
The freshness reawaken our nerves
And bones
The sun is trying to shine
The clouds look puffy
And full
We should go home before the rain
Just one more minute
She squeals
And so we stay.

Butterfly

The butter-
fly flaps her
wings
We are watching
from the bedroom
window
All is quiet
All except
the tiny
bell
Ding-
Dong
It chimes
We are happy
inside
Warm and cosy
Full of
dreams
and
hope
That is new
She whispers
Some day
Some way
Things had
to change
Let's pretend
She says
That all is well
And we sing
sweet songs
and dream
There is cake and tea
Hatter and dormouse
A world outside of
this
We close our eyes
Finally
come to rest
The butterfly
Flies
Away.

Bumble Bee

The bumble bees rustle in the leaves
For a moment everything
Stops
The light hits the grass
We sing a new song
Make new wishes
We are like dancers in a field
Wild and free
But only in our mind
She whispers
Not much will make us stir
We ignore the garbage
Focus on what we need
It is a fine dance
Familiar and homely
Not taxing on the body
Cool when it is hot
It is a fine synchronicity
A work of many years
Mainly we lie still
Take in our powders and potions
It makes us a little bored
There are no new stories
No people to watch and observe
But we like the silence
That is golden
We can almost hear the bumble bee's wings
Busy on a mission
Happy in flight
We like the thought of life continuing
We like the thought of being slightly removed from it
Distance makes the heart grow stronger.