The sun shines prison bars on the carpet
Here I am again
Back
At the start
Or the end
Not quite sure
Which way is up
Up
Climbing up the walls
Like poison
Poison ivy around your house
don’t say good bye don’t say hello
Not generous enough to speak
I sit
Head down
Down
I went down
Six months
The penalty another twelve
A reward
They say
one sheet twenty words one hundred and twenty minutes
over and over and fucking over until I slowly disappear
gone gone gone
How terrible the headaches
How terrible that people ache
Around them
I sit
Head down
Down
There are no people
To ache
In my head
Up
Climbing up the walls
They are more
deserving
real
just
I am not there
gone gone gone
How terrible my head aches
How terrible people make me ache
The sun shines prison bars on the carpet
I do not move them.
This creates such a stark image. I can see you sitting on the floor with those shadows. Even though there is despair at the end, remember, you can just walk away! The prison bars don't have to be moved; you can just move yourself!
ReplyDeleteHow often we actually imprison ourselves. Feel trapped to do anything. I hope she can see the sun instead of the shadows.
ReplyDeleteThe repetitive images of sunlight, prison bars and headaches are very moving.
ReplyDeleteFortunately shadows aren't real. We all live the lives of Plato's cave-dwellers, believing in shadows because we know no other reality. It takes a great leap of faith to say "I may not know what reality is, but I know it isn't this."
For now, perhaps it's best to be like a cat and cozy up in the sunlight, ignoring the shadows as unworthy of consideration.
It is terrible when people ache, but dark is just as inviting as light, without it, the latter is dust.
ReplyDeleteThis poem forced me to read quickly, it felt as though I was running rather than climbing. Recently there were words like 'like' and 'love' here and I hope that this one is just a dream. :)
Thank you Linda..i wasn't quite sure how to end this one..whether it was me that moved or the sun...
ReplyDeleteThank you Dandelion Girl..at times I think she can..
Thank you Ann..cave dwelling can become an occupation if not a preoccupation..nestling up like a cat is sound advice..thank you..
Thank you Archna..maybe because this was written on the back of running out of a door..knowing the bars would follow but still..running..made me smile that you felt that..need to go back to find the liking and loving..thank you..
ReplyDeleteClimbing up the walls is something I have been familiar with..my very peculiar sense of humour (insanity)
ReplyDeletehas always saved me. Make friends with those shadows . You can transform them into anything you want. Show everyone and everything that Commander Jaerose Rules!
I am still so amazed at your talent. It's so raw but so real too.
ReplyDeleteThe prison bars will vanish if you move or, block them from appearing. At least now the choice is your own and not someone else's. I wish you could find some respite at times, from you! But then, Jae is the person with such a gift and talent for sharing her inner most thoughts in such poetic fashion. Just remember Jae, if you move just a little, the bars disappear.
Beautiful put in such raw emotion Jae.
ReplyDeleteAmazing how we trap ourselves sometimes lost in pain of the past or present when we have the power to take charge and say no to the cage.
Thank you Captain Rallentanda..insanity is indeed a saviour..and climbing boots..or beer..and valium..anyhoo..polishing my pips and insignia.. ;)
ReplyDeleteI will remember..thank you so Daydreamer..
Thank you Sheilagh..
Once again the hurt comes through your writing in a way that few of can understand. Your character shares the pain in the writing but they do not share any trust and are thus alone. The prison bars are of their own making and are the hardest to break down. This piece is beautifully written and I am amazed at the utmost power of the words.
ReplyDeleteHow awful are our people aches! And I love the line about sun shining prison bars on the carpet. Such a sad poem, but so wonderfully written.
ReplyDeleteMother earth will move the shadows as she spins around the Sun. Call to her for advice on how to cope here as you have obviously chosen a difficult earth challenge.
ReplyDeleteThe start. The end. Gone. Here. Up. Down. I guess the only thing that matters is The Now. The moment. Doing one's best in that moment, as you have done with this verse. Always.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful. Love the up up and down down resonating throughout the piece. This one resonates throughout the piece, pulling us into the ache, the pounding up up and down down, and this prison that we are in.
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ReplyDeleteJeez, Jae, you are really maturing as a poet. This is wonderful stuff. I am usually out of breath at the end of your lines these days.
ReplyDeleteHow odd that we both have headaches in this week's poem. I swear I did not read yours until just now.
Thank you OldEgg - sometimes through good intentions (I hope) people add weight to those prison bars..maybe because they don't know what you are trapped in..exits are easy to spot from afar..keys easy to find..if you're not lying on the floor..
ReplyDeleteThank you kindly Tracy..
Thank you very much Tigerbrite..j never tends to hike the easy path..
Thank you - always - Kim..
Thank you Di..hope you left without feeling too giddy..
Thank you Christopher - I believe you! Shall go and read..great minds as they say.. ;)
Shadows of bars are pretty hard to move. Like moving the sun out of the sky.
ReplyDeleteIt's a bad place, but eventually it'll change.
walled in. and it can happen anywhere. this is so compelling, especially building a moat of poison ivy around the house. the repetition of aches was just right to make me feel a throb where it comes to me. experiencial is what this was.
ReplyDeleteTerrible sadness and pain in this piece. I hope happiness and light replace them soon.
ReplyDelete"The sun shines prison bars on the carpet." I hope sometime soon the sun will shine something else. Your poems always make me feel, Jae! And as someone else said, you really are 'maturing' as a poet.
ReplyDeleteMany times the prison bars in life are mere illusions. We can break free. This is such a sad piece. I hope the headaches stop soon. Prayers and best wishes, Jae from me to you!
ReplyDeleteI love this piece! It speaks to me, or perhaps it speaks for me? Either way, I am moved by it and I find it wonderfully unsettling yet comforting in a way that says, "we know these bars, and we know the ache."
ReplyDeleteThe sun casts prison bars
on the carpet
but
between the shadows
there is light and
in that light...
there is hope.
The ache of hope
outweighs the aches
caused by others,
and chases away
the head aches caused...
for me anyway,
or perhaps by me,
and sometimes because of me...
by the shadow of the bars
so
I lift my head
and look up
up
and I see
in the dapples of light
glittering flecks of house dust
and I find
peace.
Thank you Alice..hope so..
ReplyDeleteThank you Ed..hope the feelings were only brief..
Thank you Angel..
Thank you so Mary..now just have to mature in life!
Thank you very much Belva..
Thank you T.Autrice..and for following..
Jae
Beautifully done Jae. It reminds me we see what we see... do we create it, like a blank canvas before us? I see you on a beautiful orange and blue oriental carpet, you with a veil, could that be the prison, like a young woman from the east, full of mystery. You were wearing those little silver shoes that turn up at the toes. Suffering a dreadful headache, from too much fun last night... hope you saw the full moon last night. I slipped outside about midnight, and I couldn't help but think of you and hoped you were seeing it too. I loved the ''dapples of light and the glittering flecks of house dust.
ReplyDeleteAnnell I am sorry you slipped..i did not slip in the gravel..only inside.. j x
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