There was a man
Who built my bones
With powder and with spit
So now I cannot stand
There was a woman
Who held my bones
But would not let them grow
Out grow
Her
So she ground up my flesh
And my bones
With spit
And fury
And the powder
Turned to dust
Turned me to dust
Like the lorry
That grinds the glass
Which I follow
Searching for the perfect piece
That shines up high
In the sun
But really it just hurts
The man and the woman left
Many times ago
But I do not forget
What they taught me
I grind up my flesh and my bones
Hold the dust together with sticking tape and time
But really it just hurts
In the bath
As the water washes under the last nerve
I have lots of sticking tape
And time
I keep it on the counter
With the powder
And the food
I cannot swallow
My fingers worry the spots on my stomach
In the night
Like a constellation
Under which I cannot sleep
I wonder if the man and woman remember me
The taste of my flesh
And my bones
The taste which is always there
In the back of my throat
So I cannot swallow
It makes me sad
It makes me sad
And I think
In the beginning
I should have said
I do not want to be
At all.
There is always a path out of the labyrinth within. That man and that woman who engineered it need no longer possess, control, define. Look for the path out, Jae. There is something better, worthwhile, beyond the powder-, spit- and meanness-littered maze.
ReplyDeleteThank you Kim..the irony is if I had truly followed 'them' I would have exited via the gift shop many years ago..yes, i hope there is a better path..
ReplyDeleteIt strikes me that what someone else does to us we may end up doing to ourselves at some time. Leave the influence of this man and woman behind. Their teachings were harmful. There IS a better path.
ReplyDeleteThis is one of your most amazing poems yet.
ReplyDeleteWe each have the power to build our own body, our own life, and our own family of chosen friends.
The world is full of people who would confuse us, sometimes for evil purposes and sometimes with the most loving intent imaginable. Beware anyone who tells you there is one true path and you must follow or be lost.
Life is art, not a math formula. It's not for anyone else to say what your masterpiece must look like. It does, however, have to be beautiful and true in your own eyes. A wise teacher can advise you on how to be a better artist, but what you make is yours alone.
oh Jae, but if you were not at all, there would be none of this body of work that makes people think and feel and learn and reach out. There is a purpose to you and your writing, and a greatness to the spirit behind it. Even in despair there is love in your words, for the little one who could not be totally ground down. You will not blow away because you are anchored here with us by your voice that we hear.
ReplyDeleteThis one's gritty and glorious. Are you published at all?
ReplyDeleteThis one is raw and completely shatters. I guess there are times when you have to embrace all of it, even if it is only empty and dark.
ReplyDeleteFor the one who does not want to be and often talks about dust, I hope that some of it still sparkles and might be used to wish upon.
Your poetry is so strong it about comes through the computer at me. Powerful, excellent and so, so sad.
ReplyDeleteThank you Mary..word by word..
ReplyDeleteThank you Ann - that means a great deal - thank youthankyou ..many paths..even in a day..or a blog post..
Thank you for being part of that anchor Dee..(ps i am surprised you see love..but also pleased..perhaps i'm not all dust)
No Ben..just a blogger..thank you..
Thank you Archna..as always you see sparkles..even in the dust..and gently try and reflect them back..
Thank you Chris..
Jae
Dearest Jae, you have followed pieces of my blog for some time now, enough to know that I bear witness to the truth, that no matter how dark life is, or how broken one may be, there is ALWAYS hope, there are ALWAYS new paths to be found, there is ALWAYS light waiting to be embraced.
ReplyDeleteI have seen time and time again thru your writing that no matter how much hurt you carry within you, you are strong, you have survived! You can use that strength to shut the door on the past and to move forward with what you only imagine now might be a life of happiness and peace. It's there waiting for you, I promise!
It is my belief that we have chosen, long before our birth, the path that our life would follow. If that is true, you chose to learn much in this lifetime, and our Creator gave you the strength and wisdom to make it thru. You are blessed to be here, and we as a whole would be less without you! You have always been, you will always be, there is merely a stopping off place! :-)
ReplyDeletePowerful and tragic!
ReplyDeletethanks for the visit to my words. I had forgotten how powerful your words are...how much they make me think...how they take me to a world and worlds that my mind finds intriguing. You always tickle my mind and make me think
ReplyDeleteJae, I commented before but it didn't "take." This one says so much about the kinship I feel with you. "Like a constellation under which I cannot sleep." The figurative devouring of you. The taste at the back of your throat. Honey, if I had the power, I'd make all those bad things go away for you and for me, too. Yet what you have done in channeling your pain, time after time, is MOVE me like no other poet can. It's that shocking shard of vulnerability... you are very special to so many people. Don't forget that, OK? Love, Amy
ReplyDeleteThank you Josie..for your kind thoughts and comments..if we have 'two shoes'..we can make a path..
ReplyDeleteThanks for your visit Greta..
Good to see you gs...(do you still go by 'oldgrizz' too?) hope the thinking stopped after a while..
Thank you Amy..i will try hard not to forget..hugs back..
this is so touching.....and I see your strength here....
ReplyDeleteThank you Sreeja
ReplyDelete