Let’s make a posey out of tangerines and ashes
She says
Clapping her hands
The black spider hangs from the white wood
The day is what you make it she says
I agree
I know exactly how today will be
I love that it is mine
Quick sticks Alice
Eat your apple
Finish your lemonade
Then we can play polly pocket powder
Ooh, like jelly babies
She grins
I like biting off their heads
Snap crack swallow
There is a sneaky little joy in being bad
We really are a fearless little girl
We think a lot
Discern a world which holds us and keeps us
Turns our ashes into being
Makes us up
Indefinite identity identify
I am glad she sticks with me
We are thick as thieves
Strong as glue
They will come eventually
As they always do
Try to steal her
With their papers and pens
I wish I wish the flames would lick them up
Not me
I hand in my resignation
Too sick to climb the polar star
Where she waits with honey and apples
Where our dreams are thick as butter
Come on shouts Alice
We can write ourselves pretty
Like lavender soup
I want to wrap our self up
Hide it in the tangerine box
Somewhere they can’t delete us
With their papers and pens
I must have dreamt deeper than I thought
She claps her hands
All tangerine wishes and dreams
The black spider hangs from the white wood
The day is what you make it she says
I agree.
This is the Blueprint
Kill the spider Monday
Choose an identity Tuesday
Collect the powder Wednesday
Power down Thursday
Come back Friday
She skips
And then
Find your power the blue star said
We both laugh
How very real silly is
If I stop
Will I fall asleep
Or wake up
You already know silly
Asleep is awake
And awake is asleep
See, easy as swapping yellow and cherries
So tomorrow we will have a yellow day
Of course
Yellow day always comes after I find you
Shoot the rabbit steal the watch
There are colours in the hole Alice
Bright ones
Like an explosion
She taps her foot nervously
And
I am scared of jumping
But It’s as easy as pie
Sometimes I don’t know which one of us is the parasite
Sometimes I wish the hole would be filled with concrete
Inside or on top
It barely matters any more
The rainbow caved in
Our nation fell
Imagination barely scares us any more
Nothing left we could adequately describe as an adventure
There is no exit here
No real blue
I breathe
We walk faster
So this is the Blueprint
Our past
Our present
Our future
See, you already know everything silly
She sings and skips happily along inside me.
They took down the tree
I lie lye lie in my bed
Watch the leaves fly away
Like gold dust falling from your hair
Like a dream dripping through my hand
Where will the butterflies land
She asks
I cross the ocean of my mind
Search for an answer that may keep her safe
I come back empty as a
Tin mine
Tin heart
Tin can
Tin man
There is no word to express what I do not know
They took down the tree
No more leaves will fall through our bed
I was too scared to keep a piece of her
To hold tightly in my pocket
I feel so very old
Nothing left to give
And then the tree was gone
It held our dreams
It kept us safe
Counted my breaths
Tick tock tick tock
Faint pulse
Caterpillar crawling up the stairs
Alive
I would like to cry
Where will the butterflies land
She asks
We look out the window
Search for what was never there
I look in her sea blue eyes
Fondle her coffee cup curls
Like our love
I will keep them with us
Just inside the gate.
Ring the bell and shake the stars mummy's coming home
I have been walking into lots of walls
We are the wall silly
See, we have a concrete soul
Do you get tired Alice
I ask
As she skips like a breeze beside me
Never
There is no point in getting in tired
Not once you learn there is no bottom to the hole
She claps and sings
Ring the stars and shake the bells mummy's coming home
I have been walking into lots of walls
The sun cuts through the blue sleeves
Makes the hairs they made itch
Something monstrous I can’t scratch out
Are you there Alice
Always
Silly
You made me and kept me
I am in you and of you
I am all of you and nothing
It’s just sometimes
You know
I think that it is just me
Everybody carries a ghost on their shoulder
Yours is not holy
She laughs and claps her hands
Our roots grew strong on rocky soil
Yes, we are big as sunflowers
And brighter than the moon
I hold her hand and try to smile.
I took Alice to the hospital today
We keep secrets
Code see
The withered arm
Concrete body
Jello centred soul
You cannot kill what you do not know
We keep secrets
Words like ouch and anxious
It’s a test
You know
To hollow us out
To stitch us up
To help
corrode our soul
To turn us into fluff
She claps happily
But concrete fluff cannot be blown away
She claps happily
They make us eat
Soulless food
Dry bread
Yellow cheese
It makes us gag
Like we are being swallowed
Why don’t we just spit it out
The meal we need is in our bag
We can just eat it
Like we do at home
I look at her
My soul
And I honestly can’t say why
We just do
I say
Because we are not allowed to be
Because we are not allowed home
They pester us for blood
We turn it into sugar
Spit it on the dry bread
Screw it up like ruined paper
We are ruined
I think
Inside
But this is fun enough
I took Alice to the hospital today
We keep secrets
Code see
You may observe us
But you will never kill what you cannot know.
My bare bones
Rattle in the bushes of the empty night
Thought drops
Rain drops
Hail drops
Pin drops
Never stops
You don't need to pack a bag for a misadventure silly
Like Dinah
Like me
Like Dorothy
You just close your eyes and jump
The bag is empty Alice
And my eyes will never shut
It is there just in case
You know
There is a carcass or a wish to carry
The car park floor slashes our knees
We have been sitting still for one hour
Holding a phone with no one at the end
I am a concrete person
With a jello soul
Awkward
Wrong
Guarded and geeked
No wicked for the rest
She chuckles
I'd rather sleep towards the sun today
Cutting up other peoples stories and making them my own
This will never end will it
Not until you jump
Silly
She fingers the frayed edges
wishing wishing wishing
My bare bones
Rattle in the bushes of the empty night
Thought drops
Rain drops
Hail drops
Pin drops
Never stops.
The rain breaks the earth
It smells nice
Like worn sheets
In the dream she took me home
It was safe there
In the soul's pasture of her long blonde hair
I did not want to wake up or leave
I wished through yellow that we would be locked together for all time
She planted a rose in the edge of my mouth
Like turkish delight
Sweet sticky melting
Planted like a ball in my stomach and mind
The dismal truth that it will sink not grow
Forgotten for one moment
The chairs were soft
In her home
Orange glowing gentle black by the fire
She stroked me in the spots that hurt
Love so strange it meandered through me like a bullet
I could not speak
I sunk signalled sighed
Do not leave
Yellow wears off wears out
Thrusts open the curtains of reality like a pile of thundering horses
Relentless
Hard
No time to stop
The rain breaks the earth
It smells nice
Like worn sheets
Like her
It was safe there
In the soul's pasture of her long blonde hair.
He kneels
Takes a photo
Red butterfly on the black wheel
Its wings wide open
His face open wide
We have our own gods
Mine does not stay
Not for the whole day
She cannot be bribed with cake and lemonade
We are drifting on the sea
Heading for something stronger
More not better
The powder is in me on me
Absorbing my breath
I am happy to give it away
It is better than losing you
Your quiet breath
Your heart
Filled me
Love
I suppose
I sit in these blank rooms
Listening
Watching
Sceptical cynical
Not wanting to be
Here there anywhere
I have a storm inside
Thick as cherry pie
Invisible invincible indecipherable
Strong enough to clobber them real
Maybe I like to keep it quiet
Just in case
Just in place
We are so very heavy Alice
Heavier than those cakes
You know
The ones mummy used to make
But there was no mummy she whispers
Ah yes
That is why we are
Cooked
Caked
Half baked in yellow butterfly pies
I crumble quietly
Blackberries and apples boiling on the stove
Disappearing into sugar sweet sleep
There will be no photo of us
Your little blue dress will turn to dust
My thoughts crumbled with them
A tornado
No landing
No Toto
No home
We are so very lost Alice
I whisper
I wish that we were here
That they would kneel and capture us.
