Rattle in the bushes of the empty night
Rain drops
Hail drops
Pin drops
Never stops
Like me
Like Dorothy
And my eyes will never shut
You know
There is a carcass or a wish to carry
We have been sitting still for one hour
Holding a phone with no one at the end
With a jello soul
Awkward
Wrong
Guarded and geeked
She chuckles
Cutting up other peoples stories and making them my own
Not until you jump
Silly
She fingers the frayed edges
wishing wishing wishing
Rattle in the bushes of the empty night
Rain drops
Hail drops
Pin drops
Never stops.
Concrete person with a jello soul...I fear I am the opposite. I'm so sorry I have been not - more surgery on my still broken foot and very strong IV antibiotics making me not fun, not poetic, and evidently just not. No jumping allowed unless it is into a swimming pool, or one of those ball pits they have for kids or onto a trampoline where you would bounce and Alice would giggle.
ReplyDeleteNo need for apologies...life knocks you off your feet literally sometimes doesn't it...always good to see you thank you..ball pits and pools...yes that sounds fun xo
DeleteLike the Pied Piper of Hamelin, Alice is leading you astray again! There is a parallel and heartrending sadness here where there is a rattle in the bushes of an empty night. But I tend to read all sorts in other's writing.
ReplyDeleteI think you read the bones and the leaves - so thank you old egg...yes Alice is in a precipice kind of mood
DeleteDon't jump! Not out of the skin which is that old bag for bones. Do jump into the dance, into the world of Dina, Alice and Dorothy, into songand into surprise! The repetitions of the bones and drops in the verses that begin and end this poem create a melody, a new and surprising one for me. It makes me think of Halloween trick or treating and thehope that it's all fun and games rather than real.
ReplyDeleteThank you Susan...I think it's Halloween real...but good to sing..and dance..even if only with the words...
DeleteDarling this is exceptional! Really wonderful! Hop scotch, thought drops, rain drops, hail drops, pin drop and never stops! It seems to be picking up speed as I read, just like a little train, I think I can, I think I can.....
ReplyDeleteThe little train that can...if it wants...yes quite...me and Alice should hope aboard...thank you kindly Annell xo
DeleteNot so bad to be a geek I believe, but not a geeked...so jump just in your direction then...
ReplyDeleteI tend to thank you humbird..but it always lands me in a pickle... ;)
DeleteThe pin drops, never stop refrain is good. With Dinah along firvthis adventure, who knows what wonderful things await down the rabbit hole? The visual of being in the car park, followed by concrete soul! Lived word play. Ready, steady...
ReplyDeleteGo or rock and roll....at the moment I'm mainly rocking..but not musically..sigh...thank you Amy...my jazz singer xo
Deletethey say dance like no ones watching do so and find your joy
ReplyDeleteA little sway in the bathroom never hurts absolutely so thank you Sheilagh..
Deletea rather sing song poem of an unplanned adventure... very nicely done... :)
ReplyDeleteUnplanned but rehearsed to a t...thank you sing-songedly Arushi :)
DeleteTo be a concrete person with a Jell-O soul is a state that few are able to achieve. And maybe they shouldn't. What do I know? ;)
ReplyDeleteI think the other way around may well be healthier - but what do I know either! Thank you kindly Magical :)
DeleteWOW! A spectacular write! I, too, love all the "drops". I so admire "I am a concrete person with a jello soul." What an amazing line. Also love "in case...there is a carcass or a wish to carry." Fabulous writing, as always Jae Rose. You are so talented.
ReplyDeleteThank you so Sherry - you know what I missed out lemon drops....maybe next time ;)
DeleteLove the refrain... drops are so melodious.
ReplyDeleteThey did seem to drop off the tongue quite sweetly..Thank you Laurie
DeleteI love:
ReplyDeleteI am a concrete person
With a jello soul
But I suspect it shouldn't have made me laugh.
I am very pleased it made you laugh Alice ...it is a rather silly idea after all as other Alice may say - thank you
DeleteI like the drops but I especially like the bit about cutting up stories and making them your own. That's what we do as writers, and a good story is one of the things I love to find in a friend.
ReplyDeleteThank you kindly Ann...the feeling is mutual....now where's the glue and pretty stick on stars
DeleteConcrete person with a jello soul... that line gripped me, J. You fill each poem with an incredible density of emotion.
ReplyDeleteThank you Kim...maybe the density comes from too much concrete weighing down all the fun bits....but eventually i hope it can be chipped away..little by little
DeleteI'm with Annell. Exceptional, even for you and you are exceptional. Thanks for sticking with it.
ReplyDeleteThank you Christopher - that really means a lot
DeleteOh this poem was so good. I enjoyed it much. I think we all have to jump, hit the concrete within us. And if our soul is jello, well there's always room for jello. Right?
ReplyDeleteYes...especially when mixed with ice cream! Thank you kindly Myrna
DeleteVery well done combining bit from several stories.
ReplyDeleteThanks very much GL
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ReplyDeleteI think you are too hard on yourself and unaware of your potency. I will lend your my eyes for a bit. When you see what's going on inside the carcasses you'll be dancing au joy on the rim of the moon...thanking God for all your thought drops rain drops just about everything. There will of course be a lot more rattling in the bushes at night and you may find yourself running in and out for too much of the time throwing buckets of cold water so maybe not such a good idea. You will do it in your own way :)
Yes but it's nice to have some different eyes and a helping hand to find your way...so thank you Rallentanda...for your sparkle and moonlight guide
Deleteyour though drops excites me every time I read them ,
ReplyDeleteFailure
That's lovely to know - thank you Cifar!
Deleteconcrete and jello..very strong lines..loved it
ReplyDeleteThank you kindly Arathi
DeleteI really liked this clever line:
ReplyDeleteI am a concrete person
With a jello soul
The 'bag' in your verse also made me think of Mary Poppins - where there was so much magic and hope.
And yet I can see myself where the character of this piece is... I was there. I may have bounced hard, but I bounced up and out. Jumping now, will be reserved for joy.
Thanks very much Jules...and for that last paragraph...it jumps out and resonates at a time when it really helps...i'm sure you know...Mary Poppins made me smile - I certainly do have both a spoonful of sugar and a spoonful of medicine..enough to make the grumpiest child sing I would imagine..thank you
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