My Letter

J is sweet, like jam or jello

Cooling on a warm evening
Savoured and enjoyed

As the bright red raspberry 

Stains and tickles our tongues and teeth
J can also be sad, lost and uncertain 
But then Alice tugs on my arm
And back into over-land 

It greets us
Jovial and just about right
Alice sits at the table
I boil the kettle and let the scent of roses
Bounce around the room
The tenth letter
J is open to many iterations 

All of them part of me
Jumping like jelly beans in my pocket
I chose my name - 
Perhaps that is how it has to be 

But J is at the centre 
I think I am happy with how it defines me
And over joyed that I have truly inhabited all my J’s 
A body which is mine and something that nobody can take away
So delicately blessed with this little letter
And always trying to remember 
My sweet, red and sticky habits 
And after all that
Perhaps I can have a jolly good sleep - 

Perchance to dream.

Darkness

What is darkest, my body or my mind 

I still run away in my dreams

Scared and eloping

From those dangerous places

They locked me up in

I can’t see the building - dark and scary

I figured out escape routes

Ways to just get out

Now when I open my eyes

I am unsure whether it is daylight

Or another restless evening

Spinning head long out of 

Any dangerous dreams

But darkness can also be comforting 

Like a warm wollen coat

In the winter woods

And I have learnt that dark colours 

Do not attract unwanted attention 

Wandering eyes

Sometimes I wish to hide

Never get out from my cocoon 

I am glad I have her with me

My little lodestone 

Telling me that darkness will lift

Nothing lasts forever don’t you see, she says

And her toothy smiles are like moonbeams

Open and wide and forever 

Tempting me out into the light.

River And Trees

We lie down side by side

Looking up at the ceiling 

We can do it for ages and ages

Searching out stars and better dreams

There is sweet fruit in the kitchen

That will taste lovely too, I think

Like a whisper and promise 

Of something good to come

I like the wind on my face when I go outside

It stirs me like water in a glass

An icy cool drink 

To waken up my brain

To try not to remember 

Wearing no shoes over stone 

And of not quite matching the uniform 

Of girl, woman, sister, daughter

I will never forget his handsome face

But we are both older

And I am no catch 

I used to wish I had a telescope 

To see him from across the miles 

Now my plans are rough and ready

Get up, eat breakfast, have a shower, 

Read and write words

Perhaps in many ways things are better

I no longer need to run across the river

And into the ancient trees. 

For Shay's Word Garden 

Torch

When I am lost, I close my eyes

As if to sleep 

And dream of fireflies 

Lighting a path for me back to the other side 

The place where the stars shine 

And where I can find peace within myself 

A place to rest

I like the patterns of light

Slowly changing from blues, oranges and white 

I watch how they make my walls change

Either making things brighter and warm

Or cool, as if under water

Swimming freely in a sea full of mosaic fish

When I cannot close my eyes

I have to find other torches

Physical taps that help me walk forward

Rouse me from inertia 

They do not need to be big steps

I will walk to the front door

Smell the rain

Then a little further to where I can buy shiny apples

I have to remember how things were

What they are now and what they could be in the future

I hope there will always be a guiding light 

A path on which I belong 

The fireflies make me smile 

And what better way there is

To tumble into sleep

Eyes closed but light nearby.

Light In The Darkness

Sometimes I stumble and fall

Slip, trip, a hair’s breadth from the top 

Of the Rabbit Hole

I count my steps 

Watch my hands move

Try to keep everything in momentum 

A sequence of soothing movements 

Today there is rain on the window

I sit quietly watching it fall

It is like silent tears

Trickling down a porcelain face

Perhaps I am a little blue

Perhaps it is harder at times to find the light 

I do not want to reach the pits of despair 

I once resided in 

But without a portion of darkness

How would I know when it is light -

Either inside or outside 

I will wrap myself up in small pleasures

Comforting words

The same lucid dreams 

Sometimes I am just all right

And in my heart and head

I know that in itself is lightness

Enough to keep from me leaping into 

A senseless the void of darkness. 

Cat's Cradle

Can we make a cradle for Dinah, she asks

Of course Little Cricket

We spend the morning gathering up

Cotton and woollen scraps

Smiling and absorbed in our task

Our absurd little bubble

She really will look like a dear

Wrapped up and dreaming 

A little angel

I would imagine we look quite the pair

Calm in our task, fighting away our nervousness 

There is a blue print we must follow

A model of rules and clauses 

To keep ourselves safe

We do not mind that it might be seen as clownishness 

For what we do is never wicked

We do not get angry unless we are stolen away

We line up our letters

Like records of time 

For there will be no tombstone 

Words and stories keep us afloat 

Sometimes make us blossom

Our secret language a dialect of our life

We hook together the last stitches

And stand back and clap our hands in glee

Dinah will sleep well tonight

And perhaps if we try very hard

We will sleep too.

For Shay's Word Garden

Love Is Love

What is love

Such a simple word which 

Rolls off the tongue

But is so hard to describe

Like a butterfly flying

Trying to escape the fate

Of a pin pierced through its colourful body

Too delicate and beautiful 

To be wrenched from life

Love is in the small things

A smile from a stranger 

On my morning walk

A message from a friend

Being awake

And wanting to be so

Drinking sweet tea with Alice

I never thought I could give

Or receive love

Although my heart has always been open

Now I know I can do both

Love even comes

On the days when I’m alone

Being kind to myself

Reading new words

Getting lost in stories

Perhaps imagination is love -

The gift of knowing there can always be more

And so love is love

An act

A feeling

Or simply a doorway

That opens up to possibility 

Waiting there for me to walk through

On the day that I am ready

On the day I understand my needs.  

Landscape

Even when I stay indoors 

There is still a world to see

Moving clouds

Peachy skies

Leaves falling from trees

In the distance are fields

The grass looks pillowy and soft

Welcoming to afternoon naps

In the sunshine

With strawberries and cream

She declares

Her body small

But her soul fierce beside me

Sometimes we fall

But together we find our feet again

Carry on our adventure

Playing chess and croquet

Watching Rabbit’s bobtail fluff up and down 

Bouncing on before us

Sometimes the world is full of colour

Other times it is black and white

I have learnt to tolerate both

They are a measure of how things

Twist and turn inside

After our adventures

We find ourselves on solid ground

Underneath the willow tree

Back in time for a second tea 

I look out on a landscape 

One of growth and hope

Keep my eyes and heart open

Make myself ready to belong.