The Things I will Remember

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Perhaps when I close my eyes for my final slumber

I will remember you - your shining eyes - blue as the moon

And the glorious halo of spirit you carry around your body and soul

I don’t think I will remember words - perhaps word pictures -

Snap shots of remembrances that don’t quite capture the spirit of all that is -

And all that was

I hope that as my breathing slows and I close my eyes

I will feel peace - no more fighting myself, just gently rolling in and out

Like an early morning tide - my work complete but still room for others to continue

To make the world what they choose to fulfil 

I will remember the sea of my youth

Sitting on rocks and gazing at the movement when all else was stuck and rigid 

Perhaps my next place will be a valley full of the smell of roses, growing wild 

A field Alice will be free to dance in - for she will live on

Of course, there will be fear - but I sense there will also be a peace

A resolution and not the painful one others envisaged for me

A natural closing down and letting go of pain and hurt

I wish that for everyone - One final dream that will last for an eternity 

And keep us warm and dry and most of all, happy inside. 

Twilight

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Perhaps this is the twilight of my life

A little sunshine in a world of fog

A little clarity after many years of cloudy thoughts -

And pain. So much pain

I gather my senses under the moon

Wait for lighter days to come 

Look for stars, listen out for the owls that rest on the tree

Perhaps it is the time to cast away bad feelings

To celebrate the little joys of ageing 

I hope in time I will move forwards - in mind and body and spirit 

Perhaps every day each tiny step counts

No need to click my red shoes three times anymore

Less need to reach for her sticky, jammy hand

And so today I will breathe - as if it is my first day, and one of my last

I will gather the extended light and feel the sun and moon bathe me

I will never be washed clean but I can make my soul shine. 

Silent Night

https://newwhatsgoingon.blogspot.com/2025_12_17_archive.html

How I ache for a silent night - 

To have the whole world and all its possibilities laid out bare

Of course, I would still like to hear the owl calling at three in the morning 

But to have peace outside would let me feel safe inside

It seems there have been no truly silent nights

The thoughts linger - I rehearse in my mind - the words -

Her beautiful voice and big blue eyes - her honesty and pain inside

It makes me want to cry - to erase the marks on my skin

I love the way she sways as she sings

I like hearing her - in my head - to guide me through 

Another night - another day

As it is, I rise at one in the morning 

And sleep at four in the afternoon 

Anything to avoid the monsters inside - and out 

And so I run through the words and my lips move soundlessly along - 

They fall like honey - tough to get out of the jar -

All is calm, all is bright - sleep in heavenly peace - Silent Night.

Looking Back

https://dversepoets.com/2025/12/16/poetics-tuesday-looking-back/

Looking back it seems to have been a year of ups and downs 

Like a see-saw, or maybe a swing - not that I have played a lot -

One step forwards, two steps back 

But always still here - with Alice, in our own private Wonderland 

I sit and contemplate - perhaps this is as good as it gets

Do I want more - or is less just good enough 

I have wrapped my words in a red cover

Wished I hadn’t - but glad that it has gone from my head - separated out -

Left my thoughts, no longer to be dwelled on - that is good perhaps 

I will also see the rise of the solstice sun

And my days will be brighter - outside -

Even if I can’t manage it every day within myself - 

Find the lowest point of the moon - 

And the warmth of a new and brighter sun

And so I sigh, lie down and breathe - where does time go

Minutes, hours, days, weeks, seasons, years  

Always some good, some bad 

Perhaps I should look forward rather than looking back - 

Perhaps I should just learn to be - neither here nor there.

Hibernate

 https://dversepoets.com/2025/12/15/quadrille-238/ 

As the light fades I snuggle down

Warm in my piles of blankets and thick, soft pillows

It feels magical - this winter -

This world of buttered toast and milky tea 

This place I have found (and created) where 

I feel safe enough to hibernate.

In-Between

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I am neither here or there -

Grown or small

Adult or child 

Lonely or happy 

Sober or not

I have occupied this space for so long

I have settled on the sharp edges of its ledge

I am imagine myself high up

Reaching for the clouds and moon, maybe even a star 

Which I could hold under my chin like a buttercup 

See if he loves me or not (if I have remembered the wish well that is)

I take a deep breath, perhaps being in-between

Opens up windows and closes doors

Now my door is always locked 

No one would find me I think 

But cast the thought away in colouring pencils and other pretties

Perhaps I can do this - take a deep breath 

And decide on the brightest way ahead

No more liminal space or doubt

I can move forward and look back

Or move backwards and lose my footing

I sigh, so many decisions but no movement inside

I need honey and berries to fill up my soul

To find my feet and settle my worries - to find the best path to shine again -

If indeed I ever shone before.  

Pebbles

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Tiny pebbles line the path 

They will soon echo under booted feet

As another season fades and falls

Soft as dying leaves

Bold as shiny pennies

I clean my teeth - two minutes, twice a day

No looking up to rinse -

There is a mirror above the sink

I palm a little cold water -

Gently smooth it over my scalp 

Three months now after it went missing

Birds nestle in twig and feather nests

In the morning they will sing

I look forward to their song

It lifts me up like a sunrise

I place my hands around a milky cup of tea

Contemplate the silence now she has gone

Perhaps all tiny pebbles piece together to form a road -

And then I will belong. 

Binding

https://dversepoets.com/2025/12/09/come-sew-with-me-sort-of/

Our souls are bound together

The threads of our joining glow like moonbeams and stars

It was happenstance I found you

And I doubt I would still be weaving words if I hadn’t 

I whisper thank you, thank you, as the night falls

Hoping it will wrap us up in an embrace

Give safe journey in our sleep and maybe rosy dreams

This is my binding, my link to reality 

Which, at best, is fragile

I really do not know anything at all

Perhaps to think so is progress

Perhaps it will make fresh building blocks, clean slates 

Bind our edges - make us neat and tidy

Brushed up in our Sunday best

Hopping from foot to foot in agitation and anxiety

Not quite belonging, not quite being, not quite stitched together. 

My Country

https://dversepoets.com/2025/12/08/prosery-dark-and-stubborn-country/

My Country 

I cross the fields of my dark and stubborn country. Roaming the emptiness and darkness within - and without. I like to walk. To move. It feels like a dream. Monochrome and definite. Far better than the squealing lights of day. And reality. There are no horses or sheep. It is too dark to graze the fields. Perhaps in time I will reach the stone cottage that promises an ending. But for now I am happy in the mists of in-between. It feels liberating not to have a beginning and an end. There is no music in my head. Just poetry and motion. Like an owl I will scatter my dreams and ambitions amidst the clouds. Adding meat to the bones of emptiness. My feast and famine. My journey. A place where very step must count.  

Perfume And Milk

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Perfume and Milk

I love the smell of your skin

Warm as milk on a summer’s day

Full of life yet to live

It is a perfume of comfort - of home and belonging 

Of all the things we lacked

Of all the things we tried to build with sticks and stones

It really has been a battle hasn't it 

One which I feel slow to win - and quick to lose

I hope there will always be hope though

Of brighter days and warmer feelings 

I hope I will never lose you - that I would not bear 

If I have to lie down right now

Count the seconds, minutes, hours - I will 

We have both cheated time and destiny so for each other we can be strong

Whilst Wonderland tumbles around our ankles

Smashed up and forgotten like The Yellow Brick Road

So many tornados and rabbits 

It’s hard to keep track - what is real and not 

What we are meant to know and not

Who we are, who we were meant to be

All so confusing and tiring

The little bottle says drink me and just for one moment I do. 

Resistance

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Resistance 

It is so hard - not tripping back into the comfort of shadows

So easy to do what you know, have learnt, to get by

It feels like every second, every minute, every hour is a test 

Will you?

Won’t you?

Just make up your mind

Half in, half out is a dangerous space to be in

Perhaps the only thing to do when the dark embraces you 

Is to look up and breathe, turn your lips into a smile 

Using your fingers if needed 

As if you tell your body to be happy

Your mind will follow too 

It is all so very hard moans Alice

As she pales and fades on the window-sill 

We no longer look out it feels

Trapped inside in so many ways

We have tried to create a home

Colourful lights and books and apple pie

But something is missing 

A hole that was never given a lining 

Maybe we should paint that lining silver we mutter with all the strength we have left

After all, it is said that joy is an act of resistance.