The Uses of Sorrow

 Mary Oliver

 “The Uses of Sorrow”

Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness. 

It took me years to understand
that this, too, was a gift. 

My box of darkness now glows with sunlight 

I am glad I have seen both light and dark

It makes my substance rich 

A brew of mistakes 

And more recently triumphs 

An understanding of life and death

A knowing of pain 

A joyful movement into peace

I wonder who would gift darkness

And then I remember 

All the faces

All the contorted grins

Of people who wished to harm me

They would not have taken the time 

To wrap up darkness

To tie it neatly in a box 

And hand it to me

Rather they poured rain clouds

Thick fog and mists

All the darkness of their perversities 

Over me 

Like a storm they did not expect me to survive

But survive I did

And I am sure in some way that makes them

Even more angry 

But I no longer have time for their anger

Their bitterness 

I want to hold onto to light for as long as I can

I want to give the people who have always loved me

Light in return, the hope they invested in me

The desire to see me grow and flourish 

For these people I treasure 

And I am glad that now I can see them 

That the sun has supplanted the fog

And so my fingers are strong enough to close the box

To understand the nature of the gift 

I take her hand and we close our eyes 

Dream of lighter days

Build up our internal sunshine 

Glow in each others arms. 

Little Ghost

My little ghost is happy

She sings and swings her legs 

Sitting on my window sill

Looking at the clouds and sun

Lost in a world of her own making

Our world - a house of words

And hoping

And a little dreaming too she giggles

I like how she drifts in and out of sight

At once alive and eternally at peace

Sleeping an untroubled sleep

She haunts me

But beautifully

Like a bee haunts a poppy

Full of colour and love

She is my constant companion

And trusted friend

A cool hand to reach for in a thick forest

A spirit to guide our way back onto the right path

The one that is leading us to brighter graves

A sense that we have used time well

That we will find other souls in trouble

And watch over them carefully

When the time is right

When our days here have passed

When our pain and suffering has been replaced

By contentment and peace

I sense that we will always have each other

No matter if we are here or there

Or somewhere in between 

We must no longer fear the past

It made us who we are

Perhaps death itself is like a dream

If it is we will be sure to guide our 

Thoughts to hills and flowers

And fading suns

Be happy in our hauntings

Be somebody else’s special little ghost. 

Horses

Once we dreamt of horses

Running in a field

We felt they were friends

They were black and slick 

Fast like silver 

For a magical moment we felt alive 

As if we were fully awake 

And never asleep 

The animals were real to us, alive as well

They made our heart beat

Stopped us feeling that 

We had a belly full of bones 

In the morning, after the dream, 

It rained and we walked by the railroad

We imagined we were on the beach

Searching for sea shells

Instead there were only empty cups, wrappers 

Discarded and forlorn 

Signs of life in movement 

We walked on and on 

Under the weak yellow sun

Spotting crows and hawks 

Some birds near others flying high 

The time of horses was a dark time

We were lost - locked in and up

As if in jail either physically or in our head

Our body ached 

Our nerves jangled

We could not make sense of the world

Or ourselves 

Perhaps the horses were meant as a sign

One that we have never worked out

They felt at once part of us and removed 

Spirits or guides 

Warnings or sign posts 

We are glad they have fallen from the night

We are still busy running in our dreams 

We wake up when a thought scares us 

I reach for her hand, a little shy

The room does not feel empty with her 

It feels safe and soft

A place where we have much work to do

To fix our broken, sweet hearts. 

For Shay's Word Garden 

Chasing The Moon

It is hard to chase the moon 

When your head is spinning

It lies, soft as ripened fruit

In the misty night sky

We imagine that it glows

Because it holds everybody's dreams

All the lumps and bumps on the surface

Wakings and delight 

We are glad that every night

The white beams cast a glow

Over our sleeping bodies

Like an angel, a protector

There to keep us safe

Until another day begins

We imagine its scent

Sweet like flowers

Or juicy strawberries, warm and plump

Eaten on a summer’s day 

Our head spins less often now 

But still we find it hard

To fully chase the moon

To surrender to its beauty

And reliability 

Often we are eaten up by worry thoughts

And the delicate light does not touch us

But we are getting better

At sorting out fact from fiction

Illusions from reality

We reach out for each others hands

We are warm and cosy 

Sated with words

And new opportunities that this world brings

Always, we will chase the moon

Hang onto it like a lost lover

Feel its beauty and absorb its magical light. 

Leaving The Desert

The air is cool and fresh 

It kisses our cheeks

Helps us walk on 

We no longer get tired

When we move

Not physically at least

Perhaps we refreshed our souls

At the oasis 

A crashing moment in time and space

One of both fear and relief 

A realisation that we had to get out 

Put our feet on a better path

Leave the ache and soreness 

Of the desert heat behind us

Reconnect with the world again 

Speak

Smile 

Reflect 

People must wander, about our journey 

Some we feel safe to share with

Others we must protect ourselves from

Learn to mother ourselves

Take care of the things that were lacking 

The past, a desert in itself

The people as hard and dry as bones

We like to search for blue and green now

Evidence of life

And that we are part of it

We are not ashamed of what has been 

But take pride in how far we have come

It has not been an easy path

And there are still many more steps to take

But we are glad to emerge

To find ourselves back in the world 

No longer lost and lonely

Burning in the heat

At mercy to the sun. 

Once And For All

We cradle the butterfly in our hands

The world is much kinder now

But it was never once and for all

The ambulance and the hospital bed

We do not wish to chase phantoms 

We would like to scatter them, like ashes

Watch them fly like giddy kites

High up on the breeze

A flapping remembrance 

A memorial flag

To all that has been and what we wish to recede 

We look at her delicate wings

The turquoise and black 

So very beautiful 

We are sad that she will only get the day once

That there will be no marker of her demise 

A funeral, a display of pink chrysanthemums 

Alice whispers - we will remember her

And that is more important 

I wonder how she became so wise

Puzzling underground

Sitting on my window sill 

I let the butterfly wings kiss my palms

Then open up my fingers

She is groggy at first

But then she flies

We turn back from the empty street

The hedges and trees

Our bedroom light is on

Ready to welcome us

Like a torch, a beacon of safety 

A home we have created

And are making better every day 

We both sink into silence 

When we pass through the door

We have a lot to remember, 

To process, but we are learning to fly as well 

I guess all journeys have their before and after

And I am glad we have each other 

And the world around us to guide us on our way 

That perhaps in time the past will become the past

Something we can say is over

A day that is behind us once and for all. 

For Shay’s Word Garden