Wednesday, 16 July 2014

Fraught

Fraught is the silent endurance
Of being home
But not home
Time slipping but stuck
Grazed skin lies
Played over and over again
Gravel scraping down bones
So I don't know me or why or how

Honourable is the silent endurance
Of being home
But not home
Of wanting to wash in powder and dust
But sitting on my hands
Alice bound tightly in the back of my throat
waiting waiting waiting
To explode

To do what I want

Nocturnal is the silent endurance
Of being home
But not home
Not able to move or scream or stretch

To do what I want

I ache and wait for the night and the day when I will be safe and sure as a snake
Basking in my candy venom
Home in me on me all about me

That is what I want.


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41 comments:

  1. Susan16 July 2014 at 10:11

    Taking the lesson from the snake--a karate form--could change that entire home/not dichotomy that you draw so carefully here. Explosion and hiding both destroy a self--at what price a home? This poem shows the shuddering cost.

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    1. Jae Rose16 July 2014 at 13:50

      A shuddering cost is a wonderful term that hits home loudly...I will have to research the karate form..It is a tricky one..and the snake made me think..i don't think I have ever included one in a scribble before so thank you

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  2. Brian Miller16 July 2014 at 10:37

    another powerful write...
    the repetition is spot on...home but not home...wanting to find that home in you...safe...the alice bound tightly in the back of the throat is a great touch in this...

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    1. Jae Rose16 July 2014 at 13:51

      Thanks very much Brian..it isn't one that sits comfortably with me yet..but maybe that's how Alice feels too

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  3. Sheilagh Lee16 July 2014 at 11:01

    I hope you find 'Home in me on me all about me' soon

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    1. Jae Rose16 July 2014 at 13:52

      Thank you Sheilagh - good to see you...I thought you would be on holiday this week

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  4. humbird16 July 2014 at 12:36

    Oh, I just wish you to have this one moment? or more? how long till new nudge? to feel 'save and sure'...I guess it is up to us, as long as you allow yourself...

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    1. Jae Rose16 July 2014 at 13:54

      Allowing is the key word I think humbird..we must strive for that moment...I am sure it will be worth it thank you kindly...

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  5. Old Egg16 July 2014 at 15:10

    The crux of this is this character is not happy where they are, they are seeking something better, but it seems unattainable. You hit the nail on the head with your penultimate paragraph of being comfortable being oneself. A powerful write once again Jae.

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    1. Jae Rose17 July 2014 at 06:47

      Perhaps that's one of the best things we can hope for in life..thank you kindly Old Egg

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  6. Alice Audrey16 July 2014 at 15:33

    Is there ever any true freedom when the goal is self destruction?

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    1. Jae Rose17 July 2014 at 06:48

      No..which is probably why she is a bit cross and crazy! Thank you for slicing through the pie Alice

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  7. Sherry Blue Sky16 July 2014 at 17:29

    I so understand that feeling of being home but not home and how much one has to keep the words stopped up tightly inside, for the sake of peace. I hope you find somewhere you feel at home, if only in your own wonderful heart.

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    1. Jae Rose17 July 2014 at 06:49

      Thank you very much Sherry - it's not the best feeling is it..my heart has its flaws but thank you kindly for saying ;)

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  8. J.N.T.16 July 2014 at 18:18

    May your wishes be granted. that last line about candy venom...my sweet tooth is bugging me now for some shave ice I saw on my way home earlier today. good night!

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    1. Jae Rose17 July 2014 at 06:50

      Thank you James..we don't really do shave ice here (it never gets that hot)...but sounds good for an overheated brain! Good night to you too

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  9. Sumana Roy16 July 2014 at 20:31

    any moment any space is 'home' with the right mind-set...i like the expression "candy venom"..

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    1. Jae Rose17 July 2014 at 06:51

      Home is definitely a feeling..thank you Sumana

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  10. Ann (bunnygirl)16 July 2014 at 22:10

    Home doesn't feel like home when we have to live contrary to our memories of what home was like before. Making new connections is hard. Sometimes the best thing is toss all the clutter and commit to the new.

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    1. Jae Rose17 July 2014 at 06:52

      I definitely like the idea of ridding the place of clutter...tidy house...clear head..thank you Ann..if only the internal clean ups were as easy!

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  11. Unknown17 July 2014 at 00:54

    Snakes are a bit scary... Quite scary actually ... I wonder what they feell... But for anyone to be out off there natural habitat can be scary...

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    1. Jae Rose17 July 2014 at 06:52

      Very true...and I hope not to encounter an actual snake - not in my home at least..thank you Arushi

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  12. kaykuala17 July 2014 at 04:11

    To be home but not home appears to be testing oneself. It is the feeling of warmth, laughter and security that makes a home pleasant! Nicely Jae!

    Hank

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  13. kaykuala17 July 2014 at 04:17

    Of being home
    And not home!

    The home is where the warmth, security and laughter are secured to make it a home! One needs to feel at home! Nicely Jae!

    Hank

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    1. Jae Rose17 July 2014 at 06:53

      That is it in an essence! Thank you very much Hank

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  14. J Cosmo Newbery17 July 2014 at 04:36

    I can but hope you get it. Except the snakes.

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    1. Jae Rose17 July 2014 at 06:54

      Cheers to both those hopes..thank you J Cosmo

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  15. Arathi Harihar17 July 2014 at 04:59

    candy venom.. loved you lines Jae Rose

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  16. rallentanda17 July 2014 at 06:27

    I hope you find home.
    I hope I find home
    But if I don't
    I'll be buggered
    If it going to stop me
    from enjoying things
    that I love
    You do not have my permission
    to graffiti this poem
    over your front door
    (oh alright then)

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    1. Jae Rose17 July 2014 at 06:56

      Cheers to that Rallentanda..I would never steal your words..they would only sound right coming from you! Thank you..and a big fat hairy bugger to all those who stop us on our quest

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  17. annell417 July 2014 at 06:33

    I think Alice might not like being in the back of your throat, perhaps you might invite her out to play…go to the zoo, see snakes? On the other hand, I don't really like zoos, perhaps just go to the park and look for a snake? Perhaps he makes his home there?

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    1. Jae Rose17 July 2014 at 06:58

      Thank you Annell...not the best place for her to be..but we have smoothed down her dress and tidied our hair..not sure we will go snake hunting but may well look at the clouds and the trees xo

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  18. Myrna R.17 July 2014 at 08:15

    What a lovely poem. I like the idea of home being in us, all around us. You give the sense of feeling out of place, uncomfortable, yearning to find that home. Hope you do get to do what you want, find freedom.

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    1. Jae Rose17 July 2014 at 09:20

      Thank you Myrna..maybe comfort and home will come hand in hand..

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  19. Unknown17 July 2014 at 08:53

    This is very cool. It conjures up visions of a demon or other creature of the night displaced outside of its element.
    Thanks for visiting The Netherworld.

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    1. Jae Rose17 July 2014 at 09:21

      I think that sums it up perfectly thank you Naila...although i am probably not cool in the real world ;)

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  20. PT18 July 2014 at 02:28

    ache and wait for the night and the day when I will be safe and sure as a snake
    Basking in my candy venom
    Home in me on me all about me

    surely that is what anyone wants...the freedom to be one's true self
    nicely written!


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  21. Gen Giggles 18 July 2014 at 04:13

    Oh I liked it. The simple shedding turned into a poem. Very well done.

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    1. Jae Rose18 July 2014 at 05:18

      Thank you very much GL - like shedding a snake skin - thanks for pointing out!

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