Fraught

Fraught is the silent endurance
Of being home
But not home
Time slipping but stuck
Grazed skin lies
Played over and over again
Gravel scraping down bones
So I don't know me or why or how

Honourable is the silent endurance
Of being home
But not home
Of wanting to wash in powder and dust
But sitting on my hands
Alice bound tightly in the back of my throat
waiting waiting waiting
To explode

To do what I want

Nocturnal is the silent endurance
Of being home
But not home
Not able to move or scream or stretch

To do what I want

I ache and wait for the night and the day when I will be safe and sure as a snake
Basking in my candy venom
Home in me on me all about me

That is what I want.