The world is a beautiful place
She says out loud
Her voice makes my hands shake
I drink my coffee
Stare at the pale white walls
Try to imagine beauty
This place is home
Paintings hang on the wall
The familiar scent of days passed spills out when I open the door
Which is less and less frequently
Where would I go if I left
There would be no red bed
No midnight snacks
No you
I stumble on the stairs
Carry out the last of the cans
In a way it feels liberating
She claps her hands with glee as I wrap up the black bag
I will go out
Buy more food
Try to look around me
Alice will wait here
Stand guard
Waiting for me
And that is home
She makes it beautiful
I want to hold her but instead
Lock the door to keep her safely in.
If I am reading this correctly, there is an undertone of personal negativity that is pervasive despite recognizing that some things, namely Alice, are full of beauty. The narrator seems to be feeling like the opposite, almost a hindrance. If so, I can relate, almost to the point where you feel like you're doing the other person a disservice. If not, please let me know. Either way, I enjoyed reading.
ReplyDeleteSomething about the last line feels ominous, like the safety that has been built up could easily be broken.
ReplyDeleteI'll feel breathless if I'm locked even if for safety. One could feel the suffocating pain in the lines. But there is always Alice. And in her 'there is glee'. Love this dark beauty Jae.
ReplyDeleteSo powerful! Both the desire to see the beauty and the need to stay protected, if only to protect part of you. Those walls could be movie screens--where we try to imagine a new and safe world. This is my new favorite of all your poems.
ReplyDeleteThis is beautiful and honest Jae and the last line made me catch my breath and tore at my heart.
ReplyDeleteI do so hope Alice is always there for you, keeping you safe.
The kindest of regards
Anna :o]
The world that we build for ourselves is indeed a beautiful place. Its comforts and embraces are beautifully cherished in your words. But, yes, sometimes we need to step out of ourselves to experience the beauty (if there is any) outside too. I can't tell you how evocative this verse is and how I relate with it.
ReplyDelete-HA
The world is indeed a beautiful place. My constant prayer is it remain so....
ReplyDeleteThis is my new favourite of yours, too, my friend. Yay, re taking the bag of cans out. Brave girl! So sad the lines about trying to imagine beauty. I know how hard it is to see it, when one has so much pain. It's as if we look through a dakened lens at such times. I have been there. I applaud the courage of going out for groceries, and I so know the feeling of home waiting for us on our return. I am always so thankful for my little nest, wherever it may be. I have to go out too today for some groceries. I will be thinking of you as we make our treks. I am glad Alice is there for you - kept safe, and keeping you safe.
ReplyDeleteLove the revelation that our narrator is unreliable by that chilling last line! Great write!
ReplyDeleteI love a voice that makes your hands shake and try to imagine beauty. And that while considering, where would I go, I stumble. The slow unfurling of the relationship as the chance for liberation lessens each day. Only going out for food. And locking her in. I love everything about this, especially all the dark secrets sending their tendrils of meaning out despite the door being locked. Brilliant exploration of a connection that's complicated. Blessings, Victoria
ReplyDeleteThis reaches a personal level for me. I am a mixture of recluse and social butterfly. The more time I spend at home I feel a certain safety my surroundings never change, but the butterfly me flies against the walls and wants to go out into the world to bring a little of it back in.
ReplyDeleteYou have this wonderful gift Jae, of writing words that are etched in our minds and form these dystopian pictures which make us feel so much about the world that are lived by these two characters; Alice and you against the system. It is always a delight to visit your "Brave New World".
ReplyDeleteIt's Alice that makes the world a beautiful place and she is being protected from ugliness.I too tend to spend more time at home, where everything is beautiful, the way I like it, familiar, unpolluted by the outside world. These lines are so powerful, Jae:
ReplyDelete'Her voice makes my hands shake';
'The familiar scent of days passed spills out when I open the door
Which is less and less frequently';
and
'I want to hold her but instead
Lock the door to keep her safely in'.
Wondrful to have Alice to come home to. xoxoxo
ReplyDelete