Erratic and Unpredictable

Erratic and unpredictable
I kept the page
Took a picture
The chaos patterns are clear as spiders chasing me never stopping never shaking off fingers sticky and relentless like a eucharist every day at 10 but no amen.
Ringing up in my head the till a total a calculation
My shopping does not register an omen of sorts bananas crackers nuts
I shake the hand of another man
I know in three days I will regret it but the days empty out like disposable names I have to catch them in somebody’s hands I keep his handshake don’t wash it off let it carry on my food my coffee my face I try to find the words in my shoes like the holes will heal the light stop shining through me luminous terrifying as the 3am gunshots
The people who summed me up are gone now I fracture myself rip myself into tiny pieces and glue me to a page no name fits as it should no letter illuminates the picture
You can make anything a reality
But I am always the missed phone call the missed doorbell the missed opportunity
I would like to lick up the webs pin myself down
Erratic and unpredictable
But I know it was not true
All I am is plans accomplished liar consummate cheat a calculation of letters and words carefully balanced so the calls don’t get through and the doors stay unanswered. I am invisible like my shopping. An empty bag paid for not with money or kind. I would trade it all for Amen. Four letters. One word. A hand to shake the light and keep me from the dirt.