Sunday, 12 June 2011
'There's Opulence Basie'
In the end all the opulence will be floating in the scum. I can’t swallow at the thought of you in one of the suitcases floating by. I catch the tears in the tissue. Hear the end of time. It is deafening. I never thought I would be the one left in the golf shoes. The one who walks on blood. I wait for the knock. The car. The man in my room. I wait for you and know I am only half alive. Try not to think too much. I rode the bike in the empty house too. I sucked peaches waiting for a grown up to come. As you wait you lose the need. Lose being little. Lose the chance to be grown. Life is empty swimming pools. Dirt you wade through. Lines you say but don’t believe. I will always wait. I will always walk. This war will never see me close my eyes.
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21 comments:
Wonderfully surreal!
PS: The title leaves me all curious ... Any story to that?
These words really transport me. Haunting. I like "Life is empty swimming pools."
Beautifully done small piece. So much "bang" pack into so few words! Such a "big" sentence to begin, with the "end." And you are right, it seems everything man touches turns to scum. He doesn't have the golden touch, he has the "scum touch." This is very sad, and right away you follow up with the tears and the tissue.
As you invite the reader to the "end" you talk about the sound? Another "big" one. hummmm...the golf shoes?
Shoes, containers, vessels? Perhaps half life is better than no life? I have seen people move the "line." And by their actions, I think people value half life.
When you say "try not to think too much" makes me think of obsessive thought, the swirling whirl pool...
And that need is never lost, it is what we are, who we are, as we erase it, it will only return later somewhere else...I am reading Rebeca Solnit, A field Guide to Getting Lost, and she has quiet a bit to say about desire...you might like this book? And I love the "waiting" another thing we do...and sometimes we cannot close our eyes.
Really wonderful write!
so many children in so many wars
Thank you Leonard - 'Empire of The Sun' (the film)..had a lasting effect.. ;)
Thank you Mary
Thank you Annell..thought I'd write a paragraph instead of breaking it into smaller lines..I am glad you liked..I will take a look at that book recommendation..it sounds interesting..and yes, half is always better than none..you can top up half..
Yes Lucy, unfortunately so..adults stuck as children in wars too perhaps..
Jae
I love it when something we see, something we read, turns on our creative juices in the most powerful ways. Wow.
Now this was a shock. I thought I was having an issue since I just woke up and didn't have any coffee, I thought my eyes condensed your piece...
Wow, a lot of power in this little bundle, the sizzling and crackling energy that surges through and strikes over and over like a fist. A little personal for me too, I believe I have been there a few times in my youth. Great work Jae, thanks for sharing this little bundle with us!
Thank you Rebecca..it becomes part of our own story doesn't it..
Hope the coffee has set in now Leiffy - yes, something different today..I am glad you enjoyed the change in format..hope swimming pools now are filled with lovely warm, blue water..and eyes can be closed..
Jae
Beautiful Jae! Very touching. :)
This reminds me how often I feel that I'm just a tourist in my own life. Great write Jae.
I like that you wrote a paragraph this time. The prose makes the poetry read more like a novel or a memoir. You always have such and unusual take on the prompt. Makes me think...
This piece gives me the idea of a child who's had to grow up too soon, and wants to go back to the closed eyes of innocence.
'I will always wait. I will always walk. This war will never see me close my eyes.'
"Life is empty swimming pools" is such a fresh but disturbing metaphor. It holds so much sadness. You always manage to come up with unusual combinations and intriguing lines!
this is my first time at your blog, your writing is so intense and melancholy. Really enjoyed reading it
"I can’t swallow at the thought of you in one of the suitcases floating by" that line grabbed me...You are so good at creating atmosphere and evoking emotional response in your readers. The entire piece fits well with the imagery of the movie - a child who has seen to much, fighting to hold on to elusive childhood and losing it in the act of trying to hold it. Wonderful piece Jae :)
Thank you Serena..
Thanks Kate - what a great turn of phrase!
Thank you very much Grace - it was nice to do something a bit different..
Thank you Abigail..yes..very insightful..as always.. ;)
Thank you Linda.. happy to be unusual!
Glad you stopped by..thank you Priya..
Hi Dee - you always reach the nutty centre..quicker than me at least! thank you :)
Jae
Yeah, Miss Jae, you sure do get in touch with some of the finest, truest, deepest, most opulent (as in abundant, plentiful) lines ever given to anyone who ever sat down to write. This paragraph is spiked full with the eloquent nitty-gritty, the most beautiful dirt bubble what’s got power to leave the cesspool behind. No point in waiting but it’s what we do as we watch the need slip away.
Dear Miss A...much opulence back to you ;) 'dirt bubble'..now there's a thing to treasure..Jae
ms Jaerose, where does it come from,,,?
Mr Glenn..too much time alone probably..too many tinned peaches and far too much television..it's all inside..spilling over the top like a dustbin..jae ;)
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