We hammer a list into the wall
All dreams retreating on the road away from here
There is a gust of wind
An epic dump
Thoughts we protect
Keen as cats eyes in the night
Our hair a mess of tangles and dreams
We are waving
And most definitely drowning
Count our pennies one by one
Inner lines stuck to our body like clothes
A one-eyed river frames our room
We drift in and out of consciousness waiting for some relief
A kind hand
A tender touch
All dreams retreating on a road away from here
We hammer a list into the wall
Waiting saber tooth in hand for the mud to dry and fall away
The birch tree sways
Deep breaths and hollow dreams
We are alive
The sound of nails in empty walls echoes all around.
Our hair a mess of tangles and dreams
ReplyDeleteYou make each line so powerful!
Thanks Samyuktha
DeleteI have no idea what prompt was use to spark this but it seems very appropriate for the hurricane that is pummeling the south coast of Texas right now. Hello to you Jae. Hope you are well. If dreams can retreat on a road that means the road is still there and other dreams can wander in. Wishing you may dreams.
ReplyDeleteHi Dee good to see you. It's for the Sunday prompts..hope you are safe and well away from the storms thank you
DeleteI got the feeling we lost our direction. Distracted until we hear the "nails on the walls".
ReplyDeleteYes we are a little lost thanks Martin
DeleteOuch! This is so close to Stevie Smith's "Drowning not Waving" poem Jae, I think it may even be better! I would like you to keep on dreaming this way as I want to keep on reading such deep and descriptive poems such as this.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the generous comparison Old Egg.. I think we can only trail in the shadow of such a fine poet
DeleteProfound and powerful.
ReplyDeleteThanks Roslyn
DeleteBrilliant wordplay and imagery.
ReplyDeleteThanks thotpurge
DeleteHi Jae, I keep on re-reading this. The subject may be dark but it is written beautifully. Blow kisses to make these dreams come true.
ReplyDeleteThanks Totomai
Delete'A one-eyed river frames our room/We drift in and out of consciousness waiting for some relief/A kind hand/A tender touch' .. this is so wonderfully poignant!
ReplyDeleteThanks very much Sanaa
DeleteThis for me is a stand alone, and i luv it immensly
ReplyDelete"The birch tree sways
Deep breaths and hollow dreams
We are alive"
much love...
And best wishes back thanks Gillena
Delete"An epic dump" indeed. This list is epic, the ways of having the last word, an echo at last, the last ... WOW.
ReplyDeleteI've been noticing that hair has been entangled in your poems lately. I used to follow Alice, now I follow the hair.
"I used to follow Alice, now I follow the hair."
DeleteOutstanding comment.
Thanks Susan - hair is a big issue at the moment ;)
DeleteOh, man. This cracked me up:
ReplyDelete"An epic dump
Thoughts we protect"
That is poetry, to me. The nasty truth. The grit of it all. And isn't that exactly what most of our thoughts are, and where they end up? Poop; in the potty.
~Shawna
Thanks Shawna
DeleteI am dying to know what's on that list!
ReplyDeleteAha - it's a big list! Thanks magical
DeleteLove the melancholy and the existential truth to this poem - the last stanza is nothing short of brilliant ..
ReplyDelete"Deep breaths and hollow dreams
We are alive
The sound of nails in empty walls echoes all around."
Bravo!
Thanks so much Pearl
DeleteYou capture a loneliness in this that is so powerful. There is a sense of imprisonment that just gets stronger by the sounds that penetrate the walls.
ReplyDeleteThanks Bjorn
DeleteWe drift in and out of consciousness waiting for some relief
ReplyDeleteA kind hand
A tender touch ...such yearning in these lines...the tangled hair...tangled dreams, tangled self, tangled identities...such loneliness. Wish I could help smooth it out some.
Thanks for your kind words Toni
DeleteThere is plenty to protect while waiting for that road. You sound so lost Jae it makes me sad for I know there's no easy answer it just takes time which can be such a trickster. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteThank you so Bekkie
DeleteI love Susan's comment about following the hair.....clues.......i also really like the one-eyed river, and the haunting sound of nails echoing in empty walls.
ReplyDeleteThank you Sherrry xo
DeleteProfound and beautiful.
ReplyDeleteThanks Ayala
DeleteImpactful words that evoke a palpable sense of sadness and of feeling terribly, terribly - lost. 'Deep breaths and hollow dreams'... a brilliant line of poetry.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Wendy
DeleteSuch powerful imagery! (Tears at my heartstrings.)
ReplyDeleteThank you Rosemary
DeleteLove all the wonderful images in every line, 'one eyed river' is indeed an haunting image to me, then also "Thoughts we protect
ReplyDeleteKeen as cats eyes in the night"...
Thanks so much Sumana
DeleteThis poem, so full of imagery and feeling, makes me realize how much I've missed reading your poetry. I feel like I've returned to find a treasure.
ReplyDeleteVery good to see you back on the trail - thank you Myrna
DeleteEnjoyed the reference to Stevie Smith...waving not drowning.
ReplyDeleteSadly we live in a world where a kind word or a tender touch is not forthcoming. Humans have become so brutally self centred with the new age values of me moi and mine that solace can only be found in furry animals chocolate cake and butterscotch ice dream.
I love your comment - thanks Rall
DeleteLists on empty walls everywhere — a sad thought.
ReplyDeleteIt is a bit sad thanks Colonialist
Delete