Saturday, 14 February 2015

Folly

She crunches sugar in the wardrobe at night
Crack track
There is no going back
The weevils ran over our toes
Filled the pies
Held our memories like angel bugs
Skittering through our dreams
Left a sticky little trail
Clues
Cues
As if any of this is science

Perhaps it is not sugar
More like stone
Little pebbles of remembrance
Wrestling us down to the dark

You know that mirror 
There is a fog on it
I am glad
I wouldn't want to see myself too brightly
No and my socks are dreadfully grey she moans
I am sure my mummy kept them white
Like Rabbit's tail
And Snowdrop
Where shall we go
I don't know
But we can go anywhere
I know
So why are we stuck
Now who's asking questions
Shh
I need to sleep
Ok
She carries on crunching
I curl my toes
Act quiet
She is just a child after all

My head is never empty

She swallows
Maybe that’s where you’re going wrong
If you think it’s not empty 
Then it will never be empty 
She is right of course
My saintly little angel
High up on the shelf

He said it would be folly Alice
To fix me
Maybe he was right
You can only fix yourself 

But it hurts

I lie still
She crunches 
Steady as the ticking clock
Waiting for me to cry.








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64 comments:

  1. Old Egg14 February 2015 at 03:00

    That perennial problem of looking for an answer only to be told it is up to ourselves...and the clock ticks on. Rules, rulers and overruled if only we could walk backwards to find that place in the past where everything was OK. Great writing again Jae.

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  2. Jae Rose14 February 2015 at 05:09

    Thank you Old Egg..if it ever did....maybe it is in the future for me and Alice? I wasn't happy with this one...it was like chewing stone but thank you as ever for your unfailing support and insight

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  3. Arathi Harihar14 February 2015 at 07:40

    true ..we have to fix our self..may be we will find peace in the end..very powerful lines Jae Rose..

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  4. Sumana Roy15 February 2015 at 02:01

    "Little pebbles of remembrance / Wrestling us down to the dark"...only if we knew how to get rid of them...so our heads are never empty..heartfelt words Jae...

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  5. J Cosmo Newbery15 February 2015 at 02:38

    There is often little consolation in being told we can change/fix ourselves. In my case, it is clearly unskilled labour.

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    Replies
    1. Jae Rose15 February 2015 at 02:42

      I think your average builder or chippie could do a better job at empathy and kindness than most psychiatric workers...being up scaffolding gives you a bigger view of the world than sitting behind a desk after all..but no..not consoling really...thank you J Cosmo

      Delete
  6. Roslyn Ross15 February 2015 at 02:49

    Pull yourself together, so many say, as if you had pulled yourself apart in the first place.

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    Replies
    1. Jae Rose15 February 2015 at 03:12

      What a wonderful comment thank you Roslyn - one I shall remember and keep in my pocket

      Delete
    2. C.C.15 February 2015 at 19:06

      Brilliant insight, Roslyn!

      Delete
    3. Jae Rose16 February 2015 at 04:57

      It is!

      Delete
  7. Kerry O'Connor15 February 2015 at 03:11

    These lines seem to tap in to a very old story of unresolved pain. Damage done in one's youth has a long-lasting effect.

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    1. Jae Rose15 February 2015 at 04:13

      Thank you for your insight Kerry - it has a tendency to replicate itself as you get old too..unfortunately..maybe waiting for an 'answer' is like waiting for cupid's kiss - folly

      Delete
  8. kaykuala15 February 2015 at 03:23

    One has to accept it is a do or die thing in some instances What one decides that matters most! Wonderful write Jae!

    Hank

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  9. Brian Miller15 February 2015 at 04:32

    you have to want to be fixed...and be willing to put in the effort in order to be fixed...
    cause no one if going to do it for you...and if they do, it wont stick....

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    Replies
    1. Jae Rose15 February 2015 at 05:01

      Exactly..the answers are always within...although sometimes motivation is lacking....thank you Brian...wise words

      Delete
  10. Susan15 February 2015 at 04:59

    Never empty? And why should it be? Lobotomy is not a cure but a death. Instead, I like this joining, sharing, tolerating, loving each other you've got going here! SO sweet to be together if sleeping, if crunching, if remembering. It makes me stop writing this instant to hug myself! Myself when 5, 15, 22, etc. Now.

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    1. Jae Rose15 February 2015 at 05:02

      Lobotomy is not the answer you're quite right..it's about finding that shiny inside however hard the nights may be....thank you kindly Susan

      Delete
  11. Dr. Pearl Ketover Prilik (PKP)15 February 2015 at 05:29

    This Jae Rose is a stunner - even in a brilliantly shining body of work such as your own!

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  12. Magical Mystical Teacher15 February 2015 at 06:08

    The phrase "pebbles of remembrance" takes me back to the Jewish cemetery at Terezin in the Czech Republic, where visitors and relatives had left tiny stones on many of the gravestones. It was a sobering experience.

    Replay: To Double Your Whirling Pleasure

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    Replies
    1. Jae Rose15 February 2015 at 06:23

      Yes..the image came from the cemetery at the top of my hill...some things cross time and place...thank you Magical

      Delete
  13. Mary15 February 2015 at 06:11

    Can't help but agree with the idea that a person can only fix themselves...not always on their own, of course...actually I think that poetry itself is therapeutic.

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    Replies
    1. Jae Rose15 February 2015 at 06:24

      I agree Mary...and poetry and other poets definitely help ;)

      Delete
  14. Scarlet15 February 2015 at 06:26

    This line strongly resonated with me: You can only fix yourself

    Your words have grit & crackles ~

    Grace

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    Replies
    1. Jae Rose15 February 2015 at 06:28

      I like me the idea of having grit and crackles! Thank you kindly Grace

      Delete
  15. Gabriella15 February 2015 at 06:28

    I agree with you about fixing. Accepting that you have to be an active agent in the healing is the first step, isn't it? "My head is never empty' - this can be both a blessing and a curse.

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    Replies
    1. Jae Rose15 February 2015 at 06:30

      True on both counts - thanks very much Gabriella

      Delete
  16. Anonymous15 February 2015 at 07:20

    Those little pebbles wrestling us down to the dark. I know them. Thanks for this, it resonates.

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    Replies
    1. Jae Rose15 February 2015 at 07:26

      Thank you too Brenda..nice we felt some connection through our poems today

      Delete
  17. Poppy15 February 2015 at 07:21

    'You know that mirror
    There is a fog on it
    I am glad
    I wouldn't want to see myself too brightly.'

    Neither in the fog, nor in the bright light of day, do I wish to see myself, sometimes, and like the reflection in the mirror, which I try to avoid, so do I detour the things that need 'fixing' in my heart and in my mind... sometimes.

    Very thought provoking poem.

    Poppy

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    Replies
    1. Jae Rose15 February 2015 at 07:27

      Yes...sometimes it is better not to look..although perhaps we a
      Ready know what we will see! Thank you Poppy

      Delete
  18. Anonymous15 February 2015 at 07:27

    superb.

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  19. Anonymous15 February 2015 at 08:36

    creative and beautiful.

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  20. Anonymous15 February 2015 at 08:50

    I am in total agreement with J Cosmos, when it comes to self-knowledge and awareness, we are all unskilled labor. Perhaps that is the purpose of life? And perhaps why it comes at the highest cost. Its reward is the freedom to make different, better, even wiser choices and that is priceless as well. But, I also agree with your comment about psychiatric workers. When one puts a price tag on empathy it becomes something much less, maybe even undesirable. Yet, your courage and honesty brings empathy from each of your readers, lifting all of us a bit higher in that circle of life. Thank you,

    Elizabeth

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    Replies
    1. Jae Rose15 February 2015 at 08:52

      Thank you too Elizabeth...what a treasure of a comment xo

      Delete
  21. Sherry Blue Sky15 February 2015 at 10:40

    I agree - in a stunning body of work, this one has extra impact. I love the crunching in the wardrobe at night and "Held our memories like angel bugs / Skittering through our dreams". and the "little pebbles of remembrance".....your closing line pings at the heart.

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  22. Sherry Blue Sky15 February 2015 at 10:42

    p.s. and I echo what Elizabeth says - your courage and honesty lifts all of us, who read your work.

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    Replies
    1. Jae Rose15 February 2015 at 10:43

      Thank you very much Sherry - in so many ways :)

      Delete
  23. Audrey Howitt aka Divalounger15 February 2015 at 10:51

    I feel new to your work, but what little I have read is stunning--your words touch all of us who have felt deep pain--

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    Replies
    1. Jae Rose15 February 2015 at 11:01

      Thank you Audrey - and much appreciate your return visits

      Delete
  24. Unknown15 February 2015 at 11:54

    The struggle. So real and fully relayed here. Always happy to read your words and hear your voice, J.

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    Replies
    1. Jae Rose15 February 2015 at 12:00

      Thank you kindly Kim...always happy to see you too :)

      Delete
  25. humbird15 February 2015 at 14:38

    'if you think it’s not empty
    Then it will never be empty ' ~ how true is it. Power of thought, affirmation, visual of happy self - this is where restless Alice's curiosity helps I feel... xx

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    Replies
    1. Jae Rose16 February 2015 at 04:56

      Yes..she is the light in the dark night...thank you kindly humbird xo

      Delete
  26. C.C.15 February 2015 at 19:08

    This is powerful.....and this in particular is simply gut-wrenching:
    "Little pebbles of remembrance
    Wrestling us down to the dark"

    ReplyDelete
  27. Ann (bunnygirl)15 February 2015 at 20:38

    I'm glad your head isn't empty. The trouble isn't with our thoughts, but with how many of them we believe. Keep the mirror slightly fogged, but not so much you can't see.

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    Replies
    1. Jae Rose16 February 2015 at 04:58

      that sound like a good approach thank you Ann - you really are so very wise (as Alice may phrase it) Thank you

      Delete
  28. Donna16 February 2015 at 05:56

    'My head is never empty'...this is definitely my problem I think. In order to fix myself perhaps I should imagine my head as empty, free, peaceful! Words to really think about here.

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    Replies
    1. Jae Rose16 February 2015 at 06:41

      Thank you Donna - glad I'm not the only one to find it tricky!

      Delete
  29. Torie16 February 2015 at 08:24

    Wow, Jae Rose. Very powerful. So many great lines and such feeling in this. 'You can only fix yourself', that is real truth right there! I loved reading your words today :)

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    Replies
    1. Jae Rose16 February 2015 at 08:45

      Thanks very much Torie - good to see you today :)

      Delete
  30. Jennifer Wagner16 February 2015 at 09:51

    I like your use of fairy tale to illustrate some hard real life stuff. Great work.

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  31. Drew Doyle Storm Snyder Minow17 February 2015 at 09:14

    excellent word flow.

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  32. Jae Rose18 February 2015 at 02:48

    Thank you Loredana...yes indeed...a little helping hand is a comfort too

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  33. Gen Giggles 18 February 2015 at 04:29

    Very interesting, eating rocks of memories, a great visual.

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    Replies
    1. Jae Rose18 February 2015 at 04:48

      Thank you GL sometimes both are hard to swallow!

      Delete

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