Help me is stitched
Into the seat of the babies pram
It is already too late I think
Maybe I got the words wrong
Like the faces in the windows
And the bugs falling off the walls
A name echoes through my veins
My flesh crawls
I can’t find it
Pin it down
Scratch
Scratch
Scratch
It out
My fingertips are sticky
Like jam
She squeals
But not as tasty
How can emptiness weigh so much
A word echoes through my veins
Turns my blood to granite
Hammers my soul to rust
Let’s go out collecting
Her voice howls through me
To the place where I am sinking
My head hits the table
My hand slips the knot
It’s fun
Remember
Turning circles in the dust
I am tired Alice
Once there was a woman
Now there is a ghost
She holds my hand
And wipes my head
I know you are afraid
That’s why I am here silly
Your existence is a story
And I won’t leave until it’s done.
How we all need someone to hold our hands so we don't feel abandoned. Sometimes they are close, sometimes far away but always they make us feel better as the story of our lives is being written. What an insightful piece this is Jae.
ReplyDeleteAnd thank you for your insightful comment Old Egg...long live the words!
DeleteBeing abandoned is the worst fear a person can have.
ReplyDeleteYes..thank you Amrit - especially when you are abandoning yourself
DeleteHow can emptiness weigh so much...indeed!
ReplyDeleteThank you Gail
DeleteEmptiness weighs so much because there is no one to help carry it. It's hard to find someone worthy of helping pull the weight. It requires patience.
ReplyDeleteWise advice..thank you Ann...maybe there are already people lending a hand
DeleteThe whole thing is exquisite, as per usual for you Jae, but the second stanza is just brilliant! The imagery of flesh crawling because of a name echoing through your veins and you can't find it as you try to pin it down.....simply divine. Not only that, but the repetition of "Scratch" is so cleverly placed and used. Can't say enough great things about this. Really wonderful.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much CC - always glad to see you and hear your thoughts..
DeleteYou words have the power to make the reader empathise with the tragedy.
ReplyDeleteThank you Viv
DeleteThis is like a feverish dream that only is resolved (hopefully) by that awakening in the end. Wonderfully penned.
ReplyDeleteThank you kindly Bjorn...I hadn't seen it as an awakening but now you say I am glad it could be that - thank you
DeleteJae, I am holding you to the promise inherent in your final lines. I just read yet another Dean Koontz novel. In it he writes that "Every life is a story...not just one, but thousands of them."
ReplyDeleteAlice, Benjamin says hello and that you must first meet the tiger. He is wise beyond imagining. It is his name for which she seeks. Just close your eyes, and you will see him. Then ask him his name.
Thank you both. As Viv says, you are a thaumaturge.
Elizabeth
Elizabeth - thank you for another new word...thaumaturge..ooh..claps hands...I must try a Dean Koontz they sound philosophical...we will close are eyes and call for Benjamin...thank you kindly Elizabeth
DeleteAll part and parcel of life!
ReplyDeleteI guess so thank you Vandana
DeleteI felt the unknotting and slipping in the end ~ Its good to have someone hold our hands, even if its a ghost ~
ReplyDeleteThank you kindly Grace..yes, any hand is welcome
DeleteAlways good to have someone hold one's hand when one is afraid. Somehow it makes the fear dissipate.
ReplyDeleteYes indeed...thank you kindly Mary
DeleteI like the comforting lines at the end of the poem, which hopefully will assuage the fear and all its negative consequences.
ReplyDeleteLet's hope..thank you kindly Gabriella
Deletenever alone - a true-ism, our souls are always linked; another really lovely Alice craft as only Jae can
ReplyDeletehave a lovely Sunday, thank you for dropping in today to read mine
much love...
And thank you too Gilllena
Deletenice commitment in the end
ReplyDeleteThank you kindly Wolfsrose
Delete"That’s why I am here silly"..her voice is always so assuring specially when emptiness weighs heavy or echoing words torment the soul....
ReplyDeleteThank you Sumana - on a good day she can be a real treasure ;)
DeleteHow can emptiness weigh so much? That's a question many of us are asking...and not finding much in the way of answers...
ReplyDeleteWhirling for Good or Ill
As big as this much (Alice holds out her arms) ....maybe she has the right idea...thank you kindly Magical
Delete"Once there was a woman
ReplyDeleteNow there is a ghost"
This cuts three ways--to the abandoned, to the abandoner, and to the accompanier who can never quite replace the mother. Sometimes, though, our own mothering and that of our friends is better than anything that came from "home." I can relate to being tired, I am on a re-mothering campaign lately, something we all need for renewal. ANother great poem.
Thank you kindly Susan - right on all counts..sometimes the mothers we find outside our family are the bestest...and home..well, still working on that one ;)
DeleteI love how this ends with such promise....
ReplyDeleteThank you Donna
Deletepolishing our life is hard work,.
ReplyDeletesmart metaphors.
http://ihopsmithwalkingpath.blogspot.com/2015/03/haiku-and-poetry.html
That it is - thank you Prem
DeleteKnowing someone is there for you, an emptiness, so heavyweight, both in heart and soul, is uplifted, so that the mind, too, can be light and free.
ReplyDeleteLove the last two lines.
Poppy
Yes..sharing the load a little is good for sure...thank you kindly Poppy (your name is lovely :)
Delete'How can emptiness weigh so much' that's such a loaded question. I've felt this feeling many times. Keeping people in our lives that make us feel light is key, I've learned. I hope you have people that make you feel light and at home :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Torie...yes, you're right...surround yourself by balloon soul types of people...i have two ratties...they try their best ;)
Delete"How can emptiness weigh so much"? That line really hits home. We are all weighted in different ways, and I am feeling my toppling load this week. This poem really hits the heart......"Her voice howls through me to the place where I am sinking." Hold on, Jae......we are all tethering you here, because we need you. My journey has echoed what others have said here - we often find the mothering we are missing outside our family..........I adore "your existence is a story and I wont leave until it's done." Wonderful. We who are reading your story care very much about you, Jae.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Sherry - your comment is like a firm hug across the internet waves...greatly appreciated xo
Deletea complex poem which is both haunting and hopeful in parts. wonderful writing!
ReplyDelete♥
Thank you heart :)
Deleteas they say, you can only help yourself. so be strong and don't give up. the voice you painted here is that of defeat but i hope it's not a real life case Jae. Cheers :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for your perceptive comment Totomai..i feel somewhat defeated but as long as I am writing there is a little engine inside chugging along..thank you :)
DeleteThe weight of abandonment - real or perceived ... how hollow and empty it makes one feel ... the loneliness, the wanting fear ... very deep and moving poem and uneasy read ... well done!
ReplyDeleteThank you very much Georgia..funny how after a while you don't know if it is real or perceived which makes things even more confusing..well, not funny but you know!
DeleteJae,
ReplyDeleteSad that life reflects back to a memory of needing and a time of sensing abandonment.It can leave a trace on our minds, which lasts forever; a dusty rusty mark. Some childhood experiences can mark a person for life. I know, as it impacts on me, still.. Very deep, but realistic..
Eileen
I hear you...rust sticks doesn't it come rain or shine...maybe it both makes us and shapes us...maybe that's both good and bad? Thank you Eileen
DeleteThe memories over lapping reality change our perceptions. Well written.
ReplyDeleteThank you GL
DeleteThis is just beautifully spilled.
ReplyDeleteAnd beautifully put...yes..things are spilling over a bit in j world...thank you De
DeleteWe hope for those light days to come..thank you kindly Loredana
ReplyDelete