On the seventh day
The piercers rest
I pull the silver out
Turn it round
Count to three
Push it back in
I cradle the same
Story
In my hand
In the toilet
Behind the beach hut
Up the steps
See the girl fit
Claw at my skin
Her skin
Which is which
Search search searching
For what I do not know
(Or forget)
The door will not lock
Keep me safe
But I am locked up
Inside and out
Crushed
Buried
I knew it was bad
That everything would
Fall out
Fall apart
A wish
A rush
A rash
Of all the secret words
The pieces of my self
Piled up and tumbled down
The clues
Stolen and swallowed
Spewed up
I lose my voice
Asking why
They peer
Laugh
Smoke
Turn the good man away
I try to see him
From the fence
For help
Yes
For help
I have lost it
See
There is no purpose
To my being
No spirit
In my head
In my hand
Just the mark from the broken nail
On the fence
A trail of bruises
Hand foot knee
The place where the silver fell
See
Ah. But no one sees
In am in exile
From my self
Locked up
Inside and out
On the seventh day
The piercers rest
I pull the silver out
Turn it round
Count to three
Push it back in
Stuck stuck sticky
Like a spider
Trapped in the middle
With misery glue
No way forward
No way back
No sight of the apple tree
Where we would
Lay out and rest
Now
Now there is no home
No far away tree
See, he scatters
His lightening around him
And lowers the
Roots of the sea
The black horse draws
A circle in the sand
Round and round
And I scream
I scream.
exiled from myself is a ghost of a place to be. but i think it's also part of the human condition and to shine light on it is a sign of immense strength. the spider and the apple tree gripped my imagination, as well as the black horse and the final screams. those piercers coming out and then back in is incredibly visceral and rich.
ReplyDeleteThank you Ed..much appreciated..
ReplyDeleteThe last two stanzas gripped me like verses out of Revelations they were so good.
ReplyDeleteKeep the faith and force the new order, Ms J : )
The four horseman..yes..it was in there..thank you Ms Z..all seeing eye..trying hard to keep going.. :)
DeleteOh my! I hope it is not you that is locked up, crushed, and buried.
ReplyDeleteLocked up for sure! Crushed inside yes - buried - not yet..thankfully..
DeleteThis is a frightening piece. The black horse brought images of the four horsemen of the apocalypse. The piece evoked emotions of endings. Strong work, Jae.
ReplyDeleteThank you Undercaws...yes..funny how these images creep in..well not funny..i hope there will be a (good) ending soon..thank you
DeleteVery good
ReplyDeleteThank you
DeleteThere appears to be two stories here running parallel...one before and one after. So many of us will relate to your allusions of Enid Blyton...childhood, nursery rhymes of growing up and falling down. As always your story is like dominos hidden but one with great potential...but which one?
ReplyDeleteI hope the magic far away tree..that has to be better? And with lashings of ginger beer..or beer..that would be good..thank you Old Egg..
DeleteExiled from myself is something I understand, but not on a mental level. Far more visceral than that. Even wrote about it once and now must go back and find that piece buried deep in the belly of my unorganized files. Your words reminded me, therefore it must be time.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth
Good luck finding your old work..i find it hard looking back..courage to you for daring to peek under the bed..thank you as ever Elizabeth..
DeleteTo go so long unable to live your own truth only speaks to your strength and ability to overcome. I wish I knew why the things they do in the name of "helping" only serve to create more stress and sadness. Misery glue, as you call it. Very apt.
ReplyDeleteYes..it is a strange notion of what 'care' is..sadly i think once you're in this far 'they' forget why you are even there..well apart from the huge chunk of money they get for keeping you locked up in misery glue..thank you Ann
DeleteThis does give me chills, Jae; but I am thankful you have poetry and are able to express what you feel.
ReplyDeleteThank you Mary..words are really a saving grace..best wishes back,,
Delete