A thorn catches in the tie around my neck
I am back in the place where warmth is hard to find
The sharp doesn’t sting
Or draw blood
Not any more
I place a napkin around my fingers and pull
My fingers are tough
Hard
Resistant
The bag of knots waits for me
It was pushed back
Next to the beer can
I pick up a stick and grapple for it
The stick leaves a trace of wood on my skin
It rests underneath the smell of sugar and incense
Seven hours outside
Away from the empty of beige
Away from the softness of beige
It smells strange here
Like sickness
Catching us up
Spidering its way up the elevator shaft
Killing us
Insidiously
Almost without action
In the beige place people jump
He jumped
Because the tie didn’t work
Now every time he takes a piss
He will remember the second he opened the window
And jumped
The limp will last much longer than that second
Maybe we jump to find life
Not to kill it
Not like this place kills life
Kills us
I think of the men with nothing
Holding each others hands in the alley
They feel cold
They warm each other
They are not scared of the filth
Not like these people of care
Swathed in rubber gloves
They will never see
It is not despair that passes through skin
But life
Hope
Tiny hands rest on the back of the train seats
Waiting for the alley or the gloves
Skin is a fresh blanket waiting to be fucked on
Or loved
Rocks in the water
Powder in my veins
I am alive and pulling thorns from my skin
A napkin in the pocket to wipe away the dust
I will hold your hand
I am not afraid.
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22 comments:
This survival technique is a wonderful example to us all as is your skill at describing such an oppressive situation. The important thing as readers is to absorb those cutting, painful words of yours and to admire the brilliance of your communication skills which I do with utmost praise. May all those thorns soon be gone.
Thank you Old Egg..maybe at times it would be more productive to say it out loud..baby steps..thank you..Jae
if I could reach that far - I would hold your hand, dear friend.
You already do..thank you Dee..Jae
So powerful, Jae... again. For some reason, I really like this:
Skin is a fresh blanket waiting to be fucked on
Or loved
Jae, know that you are thought of so often. Know that many of us in the poetry blogosphere are reaching out and holding your hand. There is strength in this. We care.
This is powerful poetry! Let me hold your hand too, although I don't understand the circumstance as others seem to.
A fragile balance vividly totters in this one, Jae. The yearning for love, acceptance and belonging are palpable, thanks to your brilliant use of imagery and innuendo. The pain and discomfort of letting go, being locked in and receiving "treatment" jump forth, too, like the man who failed first time round with the tie. You beat around no bushes. This piece seeks a new plateau.
The pain you feel is better than feeling nothing at all , but don't jump. It will get better, if you will hang on. Thanks for sharing your work with us.
"Spidering its way up the elevator shaft" Beautiful line.
I hope you feel better soon.
Thanks Laurie - it's strange how that line came out..
Thanks Mary - I do and appreciate the support every time I log on..thank you..
Thanks Granny Smith..
Thanks Kim..I certainly don't beat around the bush (clever - hadn't even thought about that line)..maybe get a bit beaten by it though..thank you..
Thanks for reading too..Belva..
Thank you Marita..
Jae
If I hold your hand perhaps some of the magic of your writing will flow my way.
Thanks Keith..I promise to wash my hands first! Greatly appreciated..Jae
I agree with the others ...you write of pain, suffering and torment with excruciating accuracy
and talent.
I am pleased that you have such strong support from your followers.
I am also pleased that you are courageous enough to support me:)
Your concrete terms of what skin abides are true. So much can trap itself within those layers. On the surface it burns and peels and flakes off, giving way for a fresh new layer.
Without a doubt, my hand is held out to you.
I too will hold your hand Jae. Yes, small steps and in your own time. You have such a way of expressing the minute details in such vivid detail. The thoughts of the days events are like moment by moments of time expressed in fine writing. It's both painful and beautiful to see how you express it all with such clarity. Brilliant writing Jae. I'm so glad you share your journey here and that there are so many willing you on and willing to take your hand and help you on your way, me included. Hugs you.
Startling, painful, honest, Brilliant write :)
Thank you Rallentanda..It's not courage..I love your work..I think you capture the light in darkness whilst I flap around in the darkness of the darkness..plus..you never fail to make me smile (sardonically of course)
Thank you Archna..hand gratefully received..
Thank you DayDreamer..and I am so glad people are with me..and see..know..feel..what's behind the words..it certainly adds up to more than 139 days in room 23..
Jae
I am so hopeful that you are NOT AFRAID, Ms Jae Rose...
Thank you Glenn..probably all bluster..but I will give it a go..good to see you..Jae
very very powerful. Love the line about the skin as a fresh blanket waiting to fucked on or loved.<3 x
You are strong and brave, I am in awe. xoxoxoxo
Thank you dandelion girl..and Annell..
Jae x
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