Wednesday, 1 February 2012

Twenty Minutes

After twenty minutes comes the jolt
The surge downwards
Inside yourself
I await it eagerly
Like scouring out my guts
And my head
I await it eagerly
Foot tapping
In the band stand
Or the toilet
Ready to burst
Like an aorta
bang bang bang
Blood going down going down
In order to feel up
I check my neck
It rings and sings
This is the moment
The electricity
Alice Awake Alive
The only part of me that I am not detached from
This is J
Maybe the lid of j not the belly
The smooth curve
Which somehow keeps all of J safe

I feel the shape of j
It has changed
I like it as less
I can feel the bones underneath
The lid
The top of my head
The belly
Like a pepper pot
Traces of powder around the lip

Two magpies pick at the rubbish bins
An arrhythmia
peck peck peck
They scour the dust too
Until the electricity runs out
And all the skin is picked clean.

The bag of knots flat lined main lined end lined.
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19 comments:

  1. Angel1 February 2012 at 09:58

    Powerful piece this week.

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  2. Laurie Kolp1 February 2012 at 10:49

    Amazing once again, Jae.

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  3. Old Egg1 February 2012 at 11:13

    There is so much in this, little clues that say a lot but mean so little to us as we are blind. Something has changed, we say good because that bag of knots has gone, but there is more; it is as though the imaginary friend most of us have in childhood is now gone too. Each of us will read something different in this like looking in the night sky: what wonders I see others beside me cannot.

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  4. Sheilagh Lee1 February 2012 at 11:35

    so sad this piece.

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  5. Jae Rose1 February 2012 at 11:39

    Thank you Angel..

    Thank you amazing Laurie..

    Or maybe I choose a kind of mental blindness Old Egg - underneath maybe I see..but what do you once you see! I bet you know..thank you..

    Thank you Sheilagh..although sorry to make you sad..

    Jae

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  6. Unknown1 February 2012 at 12:48

    I understand, despite the cryptic telling of the tale. Change and release are so very difficult, and perhaps not as magical or empowering as everyone preaches. This made me consider, from varying perspectives; it made me wonder if a universal "right way" exists. You've, again, prompted deep thought and introspection.

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  7. Alice Audrey1 February 2012 at 13:17

    That's what I was afraid the bag of knots would turn out to be. Oh boy.

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  8. Daydreamertoo1 February 2012 at 13:45

    Such depth, such enigma, such meaning. J and Jae even Alice, each one has a say in how she is, what she does and who she truly is. One day maybe Jae will write her own story of these times and everyone will share and wonder why she did what she did and what she does to get through them.
    Heart-wrenching, deeply touching write Jae. You are and you have an amazing gift to share.

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  9. Ben Ditty1 February 2012 at 15:21

    So raw, true and powerful. Always interesting and refreshing, Jae.

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  10. Mary1 February 2012 at 17:40

    What oldegg has said, Jae.

    I am not sure of the details, but I stand with you, endure with you. If something has changed I hope it is for the good. Know that I care. And you are more than a name on a blog.

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  11. Jae Rose2 February 2012 at 00:11

    Thank you Kim..yes..I think I have reached the same conclusion there is no shining epiphany..just a long hard toil..maybe 'right' works on a sliding scale..thank you..as ever..

    Thanks Alice..it's ok..bags get swept away in the wind..

    Thank you DayDreamer..I hope it will all join up one day..maybe through words? Many thanks..for your wishes and words..

    Thanks Ben..

    Thank you Mary..for the care..and understanding..

    Jae

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  12. Mojo Writin2 February 2012 at 11:30

    This was interesting, but as a first-timer to your blog it is clear that there is much I do not know and that left the piece very open to interpretation for me. I assumed it was about drugs, and it felt very negative, although I am sure it should have been 'up' by the end. An excellent piece though.

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  13. Jae Rose3 February 2012 at 10:41

    Thanks Mojo..I am glad you dropped by..and thank you for your comment..Jae

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  14. Marie3 February 2012 at 15:30

    Strong, fresh and reads like raw
    silk against the skin.

    Reminds me of Sylvia Plath's
    The Bell Jar.

    Kudos for having the courage
    to bare your soul.

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  15. annell44 February 2012 at 05:59

    Dear Jae As always a wonderful write... tapping on the bandstand. You are amazing to me!

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  16. Jae Rose5 February 2012 at 00:39

    Thank you Marie..

    And thank you Annell..now I imagine tap dancing on the band stand! Jae ;)

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  17. Shauna5 February 2012 at 15:01

    i picture a woman witnessing her
    own imploding head/mind/body/soul.

    listening for the real her to
    emerge: different, almost unrecognizable[inside], but better,
    truer

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  18. Jae Rose6 February 2012 at 10:18

    I think the picture you have is just so..thank you Shauna..Jae

    ReplyDelete
  19. kizzy7 February 2012 at 05:54

    as ever beautiful and powerful words.....thank you it was a pleasure catching up with you again....from the lady that held your hand.

    ReplyDelete

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