After twenty minutes comes the jolt
The surge downwards
Inside yourself
I await it eagerly
Like scouring out my guts
And my head
I await it eagerly
Foot tapping
In the band stand
Or the toilet
Ready to burst
Like an aorta
bang bang bang
Blood going down going down
In order to feel up
I check my neck
It rings and sings
This is the moment
The electricity
Alice Awake Alive
The only part of me that I am not detached from
This is J
Maybe the lid of j not the belly
The smooth curve
Which somehow keeps all of J safe
I feel the shape of j
It has changed
I like it as less
I can feel the bones underneath
The lid
The top of my head
The belly
Like a pepper pot
Traces of powder around the lip
Two magpies pick at the rubbish bins
An arrhythmia
peck peck peck
They scour the dust too
Until the electricity runs out
And all the skin is picked clean.
The bag of knots flat lined main lined end lined.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
19 comments:
Powerful piece this week.
Amazing once again, Jae.
There is so much in this, little clues that say a lot but mean so little to us as we are blind. Something has changed, we say good because that bag of knots has gone, but there is more; it is as though the imaginary friend most of us have in childhood is now gone too. Each of us will read something different in this like looking in the night sky: what wonders I see others beside me cannot.
so sad this piece.
Thank you Angel..
Thank you amazing Laurie..
Or maybe I choose a kind of mental blindness Old Egg - underneath maybe I see..but what do you once you see! I bet you know..thank you..
Thank you Sheilagh..although sorry to make you sad..
Jae
I understand, despite the cryptic telling of the tale. Change and release are so very difficult, and perhaps not as magical or empowering as everyone preaches. This made me consider, from varying perspectives; it made me wonder if a universal "right way" exists. You've, again, prompted deep thought and introspection.
That's what I was afraid the bag of knots would turn out to be. Oh boy.
Such depth, such enigma, such meaning. J and Jae even Alice, each one has a say in how she is, what she does and who she truly is. One day maybe Jae will write her own story of these times and everyone will share and wonder why she did what she did and what she does to get through them.
Heart-wrenching, deeply touching write Jae. You are and you have an amazing gift to share.
So raw, true and powerful. Always interesting and refreshing, Jae.
What oldegg has said, Jae.
I am not sure of the details, but I stand with you, endure with you. If something has changed I hope it is for the good. Know that I care. And you are more than a name on a blog.
Thank you Kim..yes..I think I have reached the same conclusion there is no shining epiphany..just a long hard toil..maybe 'right' works on a sliding scale..thank you..as ever..
Thanks Alice..it's ok..bags get swept away in the wind..
Thank you DayDreamer..I hope it will all join up one day..maybe through words? Many thanks..for your wishes and words..
Thanks Ben..
Thank you Mary..for the care..and understanding..
Jae
This was interesting, but as a first-timer to your blog it is clear that there is much I do not know and that left the piece very open to interpretation for me. I assumed it was about drugs, and it felt very negative, although I am sure it should have been 'up' by the end. An excellent piece though.
Thanks Mojo..I am glad you dropped by..and thank you for your comment..Jae
Strong, fresh and reads like raw
silk against the skin.
Reminds me of Sylvia Plath's
The Bell Jar.
Kudos for having the courage
to bare your soul.
Dear Jae As always a wonderful write... tapping on the bandstand. You are amazing to me!
Thank you Marie..
And thank you Annell..now I imagine tap dancing on the band stand! Jae ;)
i picture a woman witnessing her
own imploding head/mind/body/soul.
listening for the real her to
emerge: different, almost unrecognizable[inside], but better,
truer
I think the picture you have is just so..thank you Shauna..Jae
as ever beautiful and powerful words.....thank you it was a pleasure catching up with you again....from the lady that held your hand.
Post a Comment