Sunday, 6 February 2011

The Story

I want to feel every word. Let it burn in the back of my throat.

Like the powder. The index card. The rolled up piece of ‘Hello Kitty’ notepaper.

It takes you there a little bit quicker.
And when you have no place to go quick is definitely better.

It all falls.

The smells.
Bubble baths and rotting pins.
Skipping ropes and ‘hundred-and thousands’.

My hair falls out as I sleep.
I find it in clumps on my pillow.
It’s just like losing you.
I collect it up. Throw it away. And another clump grows.

So many of you lost that way.
So many of you filling in the bald spots.

The blisters are popping and bleeding.
On my hands and legs.
I scratch at them and remember the girl. The tumour. The brillo pad.

Behind every story is another.

No one’s story quite belongs to them.

Waiting. Waiting.
For seven o’clock.
When I can fall.

When I can feel every word.
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27 comments:

  1. Deborah6 February 2011 at 01:59

    Such a powerfully written piece ... brilliantly told as always.

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  2. Old Egg6 February 2011 at 03:40

    This is different. There is a strange, (No! that is not right, all your writing is strange!)there is a feeling that something is coming to a head in this series of agonising tales from you.

    Your characters are always on the edge, but there is a hope that redemption is always possible, but not in this case.

    This piece really hurts. So it must be good!

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  3. Jae Rose6 February 2011 at 03:43

    Thanks Deborah..as always..

    Thanks OldEgg- Strange is a great word! It's interesting to hear that it feels different as I often feel it's the same over and over..thanks as ever..

    Jae :)

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  4. Kodjo Deynoo6 February 2011 at 04:22

    The first line, just got me "I want to feel every word, let it burn in the back of my throat" a powerful line

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  5. Jae Rose6 February 2011 at 04:25

    Thanks Kodjo - your photo hit me too..Making a heart from the dead leaves..so poignant..Jae

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  6. RJ Clarken6 February 2011 at 06:05

    I was about to say pretty much the same thing as Kodjo. That was an opening line which cut - to the chase and through everything else, too. Very affecting and powerfully painful (but perfectly stated,)

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  7. Jae Rose6 February 2011 at 06:16

    Thank you 'lightverse'..very much appreciated..Jae

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  8. Anonymous6 February 2011 at 06:41

    Oh God, wonderfully told story, in such a short length :) loved it.
    It was showing the pain your are going through and your desire and ability to feel the pain, to face the pain was also evident :)

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  9. Jae Rose6 February 2011 at 06:48

    Thank you Prasad..JAe

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  10. Roan6 February 2011 at 07:24

    Wonderful. I love the opening line. It caught me up and pulled me along to the poignant ending.

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  11. Jae Rose6 February 2011 at 07:32

    Thank you BJ..running a race to the end..Jae

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  12. Anonymous6 February 2011 at 10:34

    Beautifully written. I'm in awe that you can turn such a horrific time into art. Love the way you bookended "feel every word." I felt every word.
    Kate

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  13. rel6 February 2011 at 10:48

    jaerose,
    I'm befuddled here and ashamed to say that I don't get it, but then I'm old. You're correct that most of our stories are not all our own; I'll guess there is some story before this one and more to come after.
    Thanks for commenting Under the Microscope.
    rel

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  14. Abigail Bunting6 February 2011 at 11:07

    Wow, this is such a beautiful, agonized piece.
    Healing can be difficult and slow... you capture this wonderfully.
    'on paper wings'

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  15. flaubert6 February 2011 at 11:55

    Jeez, jae this is so painful and so beautifully
    written.

    Pamela

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  16. Altonian7 February 2011 at 01:19

    There is an eerie quality to your writing that is both 'down to earth', and ethereal at the same time. I don't know how you do it - I only know I wish I could.

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  17. Jae Rose7 February 2011 at 03:14

    Thank you Kate..muchly appreciated..

    Thank you Rel - I don't get a lot of it either so don't worry! I am grateful you came along and had a read!

    Thank you Abigail..as always..

    Thank you Pamela - 'Jeez' comes up a lot in the course of my days!

    Thanks Altonian..great compliment

    Jae

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  18. Jane Doe7 February 2011 at 06:08

    Wow, the first line hooked me and I was riveted to every word thereafter. What a compelling poem!

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  19. Jae Rose7 February 2011 at 06:47

    Thank you Jane..Jae

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  20. glnroz7 February 2011 at 07:13

    i think i sometimes take the wrong hallway with these, but one thing is consistent,,,intensity,,,

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  21. Unknown7 February 2011 at 09:19

    Intense and compelling from the very first line. I am so preternaturally curious, that every time I read your work I ask lots of questions... What experiences led to this piece? How is her health? Who is the "her?" Is the present better than the past? Is the writing cathartic or completely creative?
    Mind you, Jae, I DO NOT expect answers to these questions. I just want you to know that your writing is so good, so consistent, that it evokes thought and consideration every single time.

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  22. Reflections7 February 2011 at 09:37

    Beautifully told, I could feel the burn in the back of my throat... feel the blisters on the leg... nice.

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  23. Linda Bob Grifins Korbetis Hall7 February 2011 at 13:04

    powerful imagery, well penned.
    Cheers.

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  24. Jae Rose8 February 2011 at 05:00

    Thanks Glenn - there's no right or wrong hallway..glad you are in the building at all..

    Thank you Kim - that's such a compliment..thank you..

    Thanks Reflections..nice to see you..

    Thanks Jingle.. :)

    Jae

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  25. Anonymous8 February 2011 at 06:26

    Very powerful writing. The innocent 'Hello Kitty' details somehow make it even more real and chilling.

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  26. Jae Rose9 February 2011 at 07:24

    Thank you Laura..Jae

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  27. linda may12 February 2011 at 00:45

    I want to feel it all too.

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