I walk on acid toes
To the place where my soul stopped breathing
We are stuck in patterns
Little fingers stealing from the toffee shop
Apples and pears fall through the windows
Rain rain go away
Come again another day
She sings and swings her legs
Slurps banana milkshake
Through an imaginary straw
Straws are funny things to clutch
She says
I come to with a jolt
Spit cold and burnt
Soaking in the purple pillow
We are not coming to in the right the place Alice
There should be no sun
No shadows standing over us
You’re never satisfied are you
She wipes her milky lips with the back of her hand
Switches songs
Red ruby roses grow on our noses
Slash the thorns and slay the horns
We are on our way
Far away from grey
The birds drip honey in our ears
Pretty like petals dulling our heart beat
We are on a chemical drive
Jaded sparkle nod
Why are we drying our arms with socks asks Alice
This solution isn't working
We need to go back to when I lost my fingerprints
Line our pretties up all in a row
Just like daisies she squeals
Hobblers and crutches
Look up she says and tugs my hand
Her fingers sticky
Her mouth caked white
Vanilla smoke oozing from her pores
Just like heaven
See up there
In our dream
We are falling in bird baths
And rattling the wind chimes
For one small second I find my soul
It is joyous
And then the chemicals split.
Sparkle sparkle
Cripple blood
Sensation
Electric fire
Diamonds bursting in the cake
Lady birds lurking in the sink
Everything alive
But me
Never just one day dead
Two bag bananas for one pound
Two black coats hanging in the hall
Unworn
Eat up quickly
Says Alice
Before the sparkle fades and falls
I hear her
Someone lost in the walls
You hurt me
By tea time they will carry on
Give it another go
Maybe it was all a story then
I think I would like a mummy and a daddy
Not a gingerbread cottage and candy
Never just one day dead
Candy does not love
I don't remember
I don’t remember
Which is prettier
Black or powder
The last of black has gone
And so we must start again she squeals
That is what you love
Remember
It all smells warm
Like sugar
My teeth smash the bottle
Are we going up or down
One spin cycle fourteen
One glass
One can
Fourteen more
Your loss seems a thousand lives away
Tiny little glasses
Weeping porridge from my hair
Almost
Almost
A hundred little pretties delivered in the black box
I whisper in the walls
Maybe it was all a story
Then
No one answers back.
There's blood on the carpet
I can't remember how
Or when we built the candy wall
Clink clink
Rattle on my back
An aching cough
Bottles and potions
Prison chains or daisy chains
Depending on the hour
Thirteenth squeals Alice
Everything strange happens when the clock strikes extra time
This time is enough I think quietly
She wriggles in my ear
Demands an audible epilogue
I will always live with the bag Alice
Like a thorn in my finger
I cannot leave empty handed
Oblivion requires clean pants and socks
She chuckles
I can repair the catch
I cannot fix the lock
The hour is coming
Too slow
Too slow
I try to speed the watch up
Rabbit was skinned by poppies
On our frivolous literary fall
Fall
Head back
Held back
Gnarled apocalyptic rooting
My pretties are held in the depot
Not until Monday
Neighbours will steal my pretties
I will be bereft
I will cry
I will die
I sat in the stone place
Sure this was the time
What am I looking for
November
Ah, and then what
The game changes
Are we dressing up or down
Well I will wear blue
She says
And polish my shoes
I smile
Blue too
Two pretty inklings in our dressing down frowns.
We are in the Wendy house
Dying under a thousand dolls
There's no point sweeping up
Not until the storm has blown through
Blow out the candle
Eat the wax
I have half a ruler
With which to measure
A bottle full of lye lie lies
A broken head that will not break
Not exactly fertile ground
For bestest best or better
I throw away the silver star
Gobble up the darkened moon
Please keep me safe
I pray and pray
That's too big a wish for one little eyelash silly
She scares me
I almost forget she is aways there
Do I have too many needs
Or not enough
You have just enough
Now swallow up those pretties
And stop being so defensive
She lifts her chin
Proud of her big word
Her big place in my world
We are in the Wendy house
Dying under a thousand dolls
At least the curtains open now
All I can think of is how many pretties I am going to take
My benediction and prayer in the Wendy house
14 pretties all at once
Then a hundred more
Amen
The powder woke my hair up
Sleeping up a storm
Orange pop can left outside
Test or calling card
A swop for my pretties
Or just another day
Passing past passed
Chemical critical crying
We are in the Wendy house
Dying under a thousand dolls
Can’t even break through a fucking paper door.
The new pretties split
Like a personality
My diamond child
Waiting waiting waiting
Secret seer steel stranger
All alone in shadow
I am afraid now
Can't want to get real
Just keep walking straight
Says Alice
Past the spiders
Up the stairs
Even chaos has an order
How did you get here
I did not invite you in or open up the door
She laughs
Naughty nervous crazy
Of course you did silly
You needed me
I am shiny as a row of books
Clever as a prison full of words
Beware of spiders angels and imaginary friends
Quick sticks
We will never get there at this rate
Where are we going
You’ll see
Soon enough
My feet bleed
The hole in my hand dripping like the martyr
She sings
Red red
Dribble down
All is safe
And all is sound
My sleeves
Like falling flower leaves and honey
Stuck stuck sticky
All mixed up
Like our personality
Parcelled in a paper shirt
Buy one get one free
Where are we going
You’ll see
Soon enough
The new pretties split
Like a personality
Like you
My unwelcome little guest.
I say nine as if it is real
As if she is real
More real than the stench
Rotting under my coat
The bottle top marked our hand
Like a red kiss stained gifted into us onto us
Don't shut your eyes until the war is over
I find a quiet spot
A dark door
We await delivery of our new pretties
Hoping they will work like a dream
It hurts my head
The anticipation
Intense intent insistent
Don't tell anyone Alice
But I've never felt anything
I have never been scared
I have never been happy
Course you feel silly
You hate me
I keep you awake
She swings her feet
Rubs her hands
Waiting waiting waiting
It is killing me
I think
Being awake
Am I a mind trapped in a body
Or a body trapped in a mind
She chuckles
There you go
Awake awake like a petal in the morning sun
My love is so far gone now
A cigarette burnt in the rain
We are dead already
Yes
Dead body
Dead mind
But if we are dead and our skin is dead why don’t we cry
Because we can build prisons and break down heaven
Play on the swing
You know that one under the tree where we will go
No matter what
No matter what
It is nice here
Underground
Dark
We await delivery of our new pretties
Hoping they will work like a treat
She swings her feet
Rubs her hands
Waiting waiting waiting
I rub red the bottle top
Happy for a moment
She nods
Aren't we fancy
Just like cakes.
thank you to all who visit and comment...apologies for not getting around to posts and replies as i normally would...i haven't forgotten you...and will hopefully be back on track soon...
The machine that trims our flesh
Waits in the white room
The room where the music disappears
Where the milk lotion fills your brain
Better than candy
Better than liquor
Better than anything really
One point five percent
The jam weeps into the sponge
They call home torture
There is no place like it
More comfortable for us
We are not allowed comfort
She says
Shh
We can roll cotton in the dark
I dust myself on the floor
It’s all been a trick
Trick trick tricky
A false uniform
Worn but not believed
Nobody actually likes us loves us wants us to be
They tease us with peppermint screams
Stitch up our dreams in candy floss
Turn the train to run over us
When we have tried so hard
So fucking hard
We don’t do bridges
We do ditches
Apples are more resilient when baked in a pie
Half baked
Pie eyed
Running around
Headless chicken
Hypnotised by what I thought was love
Hanging on
Hanging on
This afternoon we will make the room white
No gimmicks
Right
Right
No lies or lust
Pure
Just you and me
You never trick me
Lust the depravity of this nothingness
See
It’s easy as pie
All just a process silly
Pack the bag
Swallow the pretties
And then
I don't know
Wait
For what
For whatever comes next
She sings and claps her little hands
Why did we take so long
Why did we try so fucking hard
She holds my hand
One
Two
Three
We don’t do ditches
We do bridges.
