The journey starts with an iron and a pin
There is no witness
Look my eyes are dead
Says Alice
Drawing circles on the ground
We push the trolley
Like an anchor
Round and round
Stronger than granite
Tied to the ground
Powder hangs fiercely
In our hair
Fact and fiction
Blended in night
Butterflies blue
All wrapped up tight
We are dead all over
I sway
Nailed in a box
Fighting the fix
Searching for light
Woe is me
She trembles
Eyes glinting
True freedom only comes when you reject all help
She states
A propos of nothing
I pull the panels
Take one for the team
Bad grinds bones in the tree
It's really quite nice she says
Like disappearing
Sinking in moss
Or flying our kites
I could hit my head for hours
Hush
Rush
Go
Away
Actions speak louder than words
Shame your hands are too heavy then
The journey starts with an iron and a pin
There is no witness
No praise
No guilt
No sin
She draws circles on the ground
Start
Stop
End
Begin
Take a risk she whispers
Are you out or in.
Go for it! You can't give in yet. The best is yet to come - believe me, I know!
ReplyDeleteThank you Keith - I do hope so...and hello Rosey your adventures are an illustration of what fun there can be..even in getting things a little bit wrong..heading over soon
DeleteShe draws circles on the ground
ReplyDeleteStart
Stop
End
Begin
Take a risk she whispers
Are you out or in.
i can so very relate to this...
deep and impactful.
Thank you Gazal - i hope we choose the right one...or make the choice right ;)
Delete"True freedom only comes when you reject all help"
ReplyDeleteSometimes I feel this way. But really, the opposite is probably true. Freedom comes in accepting help, humbly admitting your shortcomings. I'm terrible at that.
Yes - i agree..and ditto..not so good at either..thank you kindly Shawna - yes to the good things no to the ones that hold us back i suppose?
DeleteI love this part:
ReplyDelete"Bad grinds bones in the tree It's really quite nice she says Like disappearing Sinking in moss"
And these at the end:
"No praise No guilt No sin" ... very Taoist
the last two lines
Thank you Shawna - do you remember the Tao of Pooh - cute and wise ;)
Delete"Are you out or in."
ReplyDeleteNow I can't get the Hokey Pokey out of my mind. :-(
Aha - see that bottle on the table with the label 'Drink Me' - I find one of those clears the head..cheers!
DeleteJae your writing has developed now so you tease us with rhymes (or divert us perhaps) from the hidden pain. Then out you come with "actions speak louder than words" that are hushed with the rhymes again and the hurt seems to be no more than a child's game.
ReplyDeleteThank you Old Egg - this one took me a long time and seemed like i was etching it instead of breezing along the keyboard..maybe it's good there is a shift..although apologies for the teasing..
DeleteI meant teasing in a nice way Jae.
DeleteI know - just the Aspien in me kicking in thank you for the reassurance :)
DeleteTrue freedom is knowing when to reject and when to accept... knowing when to fight and when to give in. I actually found the rhymes really good. Like embedding nursery rhymes as a veneer for a dark reality... Which has always been the purpose of lullabies I think,
ReplyDeleteThank you Bjorn - i think that is certainly the freedom to strive for..we hope one day it will come and nursery rhymes are pretty scary..much like a lot of matters of life and death
DeleteTrue freedom only comes when you reject all help
ReplyDeleteLoved this particular line Jae, its so true we just need to know when and whose help to accept. Beautifully penned! Thank you so much for participating :D
Lots of love,
Sanaa
Thank you Sanaa - much appreciated and always a pleasure to participate thanks :)
DeleteI have enjoyed the way you have used words in this one, Jae. For example the rhyming in the third stanza (round/ground) and the fourth stanza (night/tight) and the next stanza the near rhyme (fix/box). I can see this poem took a long time to write, and I can imagine you playing with each stanza until it was absolutely right. And "Actions speak louder than words / Shame your hands are too heavy then" -- from this I read that the act, unfortunately, says more than the words -- which I imagine were kind ones. But the ACTION gives another message completely. Anyway, I could go on and on, but just wanted to give you the message that I found this one particularly RICH! Have a good week, Jae.
ReplyDeleteThank you Mary - I'm still playing with it and it's still it completely right! And that message - I particularly appreciate that...thank you - and have a good week too
DeleteOne wonder how many times the speaker was hurt before starting to believe "True freedom only comes when you reject all help." Pain has a ways of making things very, very, very specific... so much so that we often don't see beyond the eyelids of our hurts.
ReplyDeleteThank you Magaly - for expressing so succinctly what was intended...and yes well and truly trapped behind those eyelids...and it isn't pleasant
DeleteActions do speak louder than words. She draws circle on the ground contemplating her next move is she in or out. The decision needs to be made to move forward and take action. I think there is a message in the rhyming scheme of life. What one takes in the journey is up them I guess?
ReplyDeleteI do hope it is still a choice thank you Truedessa - would be more of a frog march than a journey otherwise...I like the idea of a rhyming scheme to life - perhaps it will end on a high note
DeleteThere is always a choice until that last breath is drawn...If one hops too much they miss out on pieces of the journey. Just sayin'
DeleteVery much appreciate you sayin! :)
DeleteJae, you are using rhymes here, and in a very good way. i really enjoyed reading this poem, about what true pain really can be, in the imagery.
ReplyDelete"Are you out or in" : i can relate to that in my younger, wilder days. :)
Thank you very much ds.. I think I am dwelling in older stupid ways...it would be nice to have young, wild days to reflect on sadly I was the school librarian and all round nerd! It's always the quiet ones that end up in a pickle huh! ;)
DeleteJae this is fabulous...
ReplyDelete'True freedom only comes when you reject all help
She states'
thus is true but oh so hard....I love the ending here...a challenge....I'm in! The risk is life many times is so worth it!
Oh I do hope so - thank you very much Donna...perhaps we need to roll in some powdery fresh snow to believe
DeleteI resonate with Maga lysine perceptive comment. There comes a time when one needs to trust...but only when someone trustworthy comes along. I am thinking of someone who lives near you. Those closing lines are potent....always, always In, kiddo.
ReplyDeleteThank you Sherry - we are in by a finger tip I imagine..and yes...have not forgotten who is down the street...I'm just a coward...thank you xo
DeleteLife is often painful and we must chose how to respond to it. That usually is the key to how it ends. Strong poem!
ReplyDeleteYes that's the truth - and even if we know it sometimes it's not enough to change our tune..thank you Debi
DeleteYes, it is all about the response....I will follow my deepest desire....nothing else matters...at least it won't in a thousand years. An iron and a pin....what can we do with an iron and a pin? Can we change the world we find ourselves in?oxoxxoxohugs
ReplyDeleteHmm now to think - no we can't change the world but we can change what we do with that iron and pin - our response..maybe it won't matter in a thousand years..but now is all that matters...now to believe it ;) thank you Annell xo
Delete"Are you out or in" The placement of the words is so important here. Usually one says are you in or out, placing the emphasis on joining something or someone. You turn that around and place the emphasis on the outward movement rather than the inner one. There are so many layers and so many questions in that one final line. Are you out or in?
ReplyDeleteElizabeth
I truly don't know but I wish I did - thank you Elizabeth You made me smile through the confusion - every label, diagnosis and opinion has atypical tagged in front of it - good to know I'm consistent in some things! Thank you
DeleteThis piece is so heartfelt--what a great write! Your close is perfection--"are you out or in"--how do we sit with those parts of ourselves?
ReplyDeleteIn my case on my hands! Thank you for your lovely comment Audrey
DeleteThere is a risk to both....to being out AND to being in....so I like that it can be read either way. Life is like that.....risks abound no matter which choice we make!
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely so...thank you kindly C.C.
DeleteThis poem is full of anxious questions. At least that's how I felt it. Made me sad, confused. But, I think it's because of where my mind is now. Out or in? I think I'm both. Take care Jae.
ReplyDeleteThank you Myrna - exactly that - i'm sorry you are feeling the same..let's hope we gain some clarity soon..thank you
DeleteHi Jae, my interpretation of your poem here is that of someone who works hard and he or she should be taken seriously. As you said, actions speak louder than words. So believe in the one who is not wordy but active for in actions lie true inner mentalities.
ReplyDeleteThank you James - I think perhaps she works hard against herself..thank you for your wish - it's a good one!
Delete"True freedom only comes when you reject all help "...true, i call that total independence...Alice speaks nothing but truth :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Sumana - she is a wise little thing (at times) ;)
Delete"True freedom only comes when you reject all help"
ReplyDeletethe epitome of your feeling you have expressed in this one sentence!
somehow I feel the same and try to follow the same principle through out my life
Thank you PT - yes, I suppose it is the boldest statement in the sugar..i hope it is a good principle to follow - seems like i'm in good company if it is!
DeleteTake a risk she whispers
ReplyDeleteAre you out or in.
In a team or a partnership there is the peer pressure which is apparent here. Whether one wants to go along with the team or out. Great ending Jae!
Hank
Thank you Hank - hopefully we listen to the strongest members of that team!
DeleteBeginning with an "iron and a pin", seems to me walking into a arena of juxtaposition of quirky choices: to be creative or to just wait on end results that seems to be the dilemma here
ReplyDeletemuch love...
Quirky choices and dilemmas certainly apply..thank you kindly Gillena
DeleteI enjoy Alice. We have much in common.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad - she can be a faithful friend...thank you Gail
DeleteOut or in? One of the hardest of all questions to answer. No wonder your poem ends there...
ReplyDeleteExactly so - always one to dodge the hard bits! Thank you Magical
DeleteReally intriguing piece. Its a challenge to sometimes stop actively resisting and be still long enough to contemplate the situation you are in.
ReplyDeleteIt certainly is - maybe because we fear the worst of what that means? thank you kindly Rommy
Delete