You carefully placed
A basket of toys by my bed
They felt like treasure
Love sinking in my skin
Like salt
Keeping us afloat
It was not my fault
The cleaning fluid smells like Bakewell tart
You smell like sunshine and soap powder
On a Sunday afternoon
I look for the calming tincture
To take us underground
It is molasses
Liquorice
And champagne
All cut up on an apple card
It is medicine of course she winks
I am the bare bones of excess
No stranger to pains and stains
Aches and strains
There is a real sadness in being
Which makes you strong
And pretty
She whispers
All lyrical nonsense
Of course
You have one new message
Are you sober
Are you drunk
Hello sweetie
I broke the knife
I can do this
I can do this
Everybody knows what I used to be
They cannot know I broke the knife
Better go to bed for mother
What don't you like precious
The pages sound like clapping
Everybody holds her hand
My hands shake
I just want to be real
Tripping skipping badly on the can
So cold in the sun
Huddled up in bed
Could I have assistance on the tills please
Well that was all too much
My skin has been through the wash
It tastes funny
Grow in radiance
Fall in charm
I'm stable as a rocking horse
It's a very dangerous place to be
Not knowing who you are
Or where you're meant to be
I look for the calming tincture
To take us underground
A beautiful clutter of thoughts
All lyrical nonsense
Of course
That's my clothes you tore off
Threw on the floor
The outside of me
Inside whispers Alice
I am thankful today I have windows to clean
Cobwebs to dust
All my things
It never goes away you know
You can't write everything out
I think of the basket of toys
What they meant
I swirl the tincture in the pretty cup
Everything precious can become a word
Spring strength and length and a loving touch
I hold her hand and we look at the trees
It was not my fault.
love the images each line presents..."You smell like sunshine and soap powder / On a Sunday afternoon"..i love the freshness of it and the calming end...it's quite healing to look at the trees....
ReplyDeleteIt is - thank you kindly Sumana
DeleteThis is the most beautiful piece of writing that you have ever posted Jae. How much emotion, sadness, longing comes through in your words. Why should you write everything out when you have written everything in with such feeling?
ReplyDeleteThank you very much Old Egg - I like the concept of writing things in...thank you
DeleteI hope that's the calming tincture in the teacup and that it's a remedy and not an illusion. We can't write everything out, but we can always write new words. Write enough beautiful ones and they will become a beautiful past.
ReplyDeleteI think at the moment it's an illusion tincture hopefully in time it will be something more satisfying...we will try to write more beautiful words...it's a good way to steer the path ahead...like positive thinking or reprogramming the thought process...thank you kindly Ann
DeleteA tour de force. But I will pass on the Bakewell tarts, if it's OK with you.
ReplyDeleteWise choice J Cosmo...you know our world too well! Thank you
DeleteIt gives a lot pain to heart when blamed for the things we didnot do
ReplyDeleteIt can do but hopefully all things heal in time...thank you Vandana
DeleteCertainly trees hold consolations. Sounds as if you need them.
ReplyDeleteYes..we need the trees...thank you kindly Peter
DeleteThis poem contains so many contrasts.. it's like every statement is immediately contradicted, a whirlwind of emotion when only tinctures and staring at trees can bring a resolution.
ReplyDeleteYes...it feels like that too...thank you Bjorn...
DeleteIt never goes away you know
ReplyDeleteYou can't write everything out...
That resonated... beautiful line.
It never goes away you know
ReplyDeleteYou can't write everything out ...
those lines resonated.. beautifully put.
Thank you very much thotpurge...
DeleteIt never goes away you know
ReplyDeleteYou can't write everything out..
those lines resonated..beautiful.
Bakewell tart! My favourite, especially when you eat it in Bakewell! That aside, you've produced so many beautiful lines and phrases in this poem, many of which could stand alone and still be very special. See, I can be sensible!
ReplyDeleteRosey Pinkerton's blog
You are very sensible and kind - thank you Rosey...and a trip (an actual one) to Bakewell sounds just the ticket!
DeleteI just want to be real
ReplyDeleteTripping skipping badly on the can
So cold in the sun
Huddled up in bed
To experience everything that life has to offer.. to be real.. to be true to oneself.. that is the main challenge! Beautifully penned..! :D
Lots of love,
Sanaa
Thank you Sanaa - it's all too easy to skip reality and head underground but I've heard there's lots of nice things above ground ;)
DeleteGrow in radiance
ReplyDeleteFall in charm
I'm stable as a rocking horse
At least this is good advice to sustain the longings. Well penned Jae!
Hank
Thanks Hank - can trust on you to find a silver lining :)
DeleteWhen it's not our fault, and yet we are made to feel the guilt ... nothing could be worse
ReplyDeleteNo - but good to slowly put it behind us...many thanks Amrit
DeleteHa, I thought of you in Washington D. C. A tour guide we had used a walking stick with a handle which was a White Rabbit. Smiles. And another place I saw an 'Alice in Wonderland' journal!
ReplyDeleteSometimes it is good to have those windows to clean, making it much easier to see what is outside. And may the calming tincture be found as soon as possible!
Thank you Mary - I would have liked to have joined you on that tour and maybe had a little chuckle! Yes - here's to calming tinctures :)
DeleteI like that you keep the poem so open. One can wander in and let the images settle.
ReplyDeleteThank you for wandering in Brother Ollie
DeleteThere is much wisdom to learn from the trees.xoxoxoxoxo
ReplyDeleteYes - and lots of things 'out there' - thank you Annell xo
Delete"All lyrical nonsense
ReplyDeleteOf course"
yeah, but you keep us coming back to read your adventures with Alice each week
much love...
True enough - thank you for keeping coming back Gillena!
DeleteI'm glad she broke the knife, but things are only things and symbols. A child's guilt is not worth as much as a child's love, but the basketful was worth nothing at all.
ReplyDeleteThank you Susan - true things (feelings) can never be bought or replicated...otherwise those potion bottles would be flying off the shelves...
DeleteI could spend a great deal of time delving into the mysteries of this poem. I loved the images and ideas it put into my head.
ReplyDeletehttp://myantimatterlife.wordpress.com
Thanks very much Nissa - pleased you could visit
DeleteThanks for your visit, you made a very valid point. I'm with Nissa, here. This one could take days to unravel. Such striking imagery, emotion, thought process, and all done with an incredibly delicate touch. Haven't had much time for writing of late. I miss it and look forward to its return. I know and strongly identify with being blamed for something I didn't do. One of those fault lines. Thanks for reminding me that trees are a real source of comfort, even wisdom.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth
Thank you too Elizabeth..very good to see you...some days trees seem to 'say' what you need to keep going - quietly of course which is always best
Delete"...stable as a rocking horse.." Oh, how I can relate. Great poem.
ReplyDeleteThanks for visiting my blog.
Thank you too Gail
DeleteThese lines are my favorite. They are so touching and beautifully descriptive,
ReplyDelete"Love sinking in my skin
Like salt
Keeping us afloat."
Thank you very much C.C...
DeleteThere is a very sad undertone to this. From the not being your fault. And worry over it. Wondering if they are sober. Becoming Alice as they tear your clothes off
ReplyDeleteThank you X - sad but hopefully all sadness fades and for a moment things are a little better
DeleteThe things that were done to us is never our fault, my friend. Someone said once, they took so much from you back then - do not let them have even one day more.....it stayed with me. They cannot touch us now. You have written this so beautifully. The sadness touches my heart. I am thankful for your trees. Peace, kiddo........we are our own sanctuaries.
ReplyDeleteThank you Sherry - and especially for helping me make new days... ;)
DeleteAnother intriguing read! I always enjoy my visits here, Jae Rose. So many wonderful lines to read :)
ReplyDeleteThanks very much Torie
DeleteThe first time I read the title, I immediately thought of earthquakes.
ReplyDeleteIt is still a personal earthquake though - a battle of sort. The emotional chaos you have presented here is very transparent.
But despite of everything, the last part about the trees, concludes that you and Alice are in a good place.
Thank you Totomai...i did try and write in fault lines but couldn't so thank you for seeing them! Yes..we are in the best place we can be for now..thank you
DeleteAnother wonderful poem....
ReplyDeleteI love...
'It's a very dangerous place to be
Not knowing who you are
Or where you're meant to be'
Donna@LivingFromHappiness
Thank you very much Donna
DeleteInteresting and enjoyable read.
ReplyDeleteZQ
I remember your poetry from a few years ago on Sunday Scribbling (the original). The swirling tincture could be alcohol or could be tea. I'm going to go with tea. At least I hop that's what it was for this character.
ReplyDeletecd from Sunday Scribblings 2
Let's say it was tea of sorts - I remember your profile pic too...i miss the folks from the SS original crowd...good to see you were lured back! Thank you kindly Chris..
DeleteWhy the knife was broken might haunt me today.
ReplyDeleteIt is gone now...thank you GL
DeleteBeing raised or raising children... there is such a who's who of fault lines.
ReplyDeleteEveryone offering their own advice. The best we can do is perhaps not to count the chickens... I have a relative who is loosing her wits so-to-speak and another who wants to gift them with something I think the will not be able to use. There is no fault in caring. But one needs to attempt to fit all the facts together. Lovely emotional write. All the best, Jules.
It is indeed hard but maybe at a certain stage all we can do is tend our own fault lines and be sure not to spread them further..and no, never hurts caring or being cautious about those chickens! Thank you Jules..all he best too
DeleteAs always, so many great lines to select a favorite. But this made me think of accepting fault versus responsibility, the idea of people changing but still trying to please mother and somehow I see psychic progress in this.
ReplyDeleteThank you Myrna for your insightful comment...all I can say is you know
Delete'You carefully placed
ReplyDeleteA basket of toys by my bed' ~ I noticed this immediately, it felt for me even better than Alice...meaning of toys, your challenges and opportunities to make them work for you....go figure....liked 'looking at the trees', to ponder and just relax, reenergize... :)x
I suppose the toys did morph into the trees...thank you for showing me that humbird xo
DeleteLots of positive, uplifting lines in this piece, J. happy to see that. happy, as always that you continue to write and relate so well to others.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much Kim...for many things :)
DeleteThe stream of consciousness cascade of perceptions and impressions is AWESOME - and serves the title of the piece, wonderfully. A very cool bit of writing.
ReplyDeleteThanks very much Wendy - rarely do i walk hand in hand with cool so much appreciated!
DeleteIt's a very dangerous place to be
ReplyDeleteNot knowing who you are
Or where you're meant to be
Sometimes that's a feeling that can overwhelm us and yet I felt it at the core of this poem.
Yes - maybe it becomes a kind of false foundation...thank you Helen
Delete