They string the dolly up by her head
Like a message
We creep past
Say hello to the tall man
Open the door quietly
Play out this
Service
Back and forth
Back and forth
It’s all a calculation
Forty eight hours
Five little petals
For a beautiful black flower
Nobody gets to see
Six today
Seven tomorrow
Next day
Stop
Seventy two hours
Start again
If I could stand
I would laugh
But I roll
In the red bed
Back and forth
Back and forth
The voice
An instruction
Do it
Stop it
Why did you
Submit
It controls you
You don’t control it
Thud
I am naked in her arms
Glowing blue
Black
Red
No end
Illuminated
No highlight
To ride
It is all going down
All I want is the silver out of my head
It won’t shift
However hard I try
Smile
Lock the door
Calculate the hours
Click my heels three times
Read the pocket watch upside down
It really is such nonsense
A piece of work
Nobody gets to see.
Often we must hide our work from those who would help. They will only tell us that it's wrong, since we aren't doing it their way, as if they have all the answers and we know nothing. But no one knows you better than you know yourself.
ReplyDeleteThank you Ann - sometimes that knowledge is everything..other times it destroys everything in its path..as I am sure you understand..
DeleteSeventy-two hours can be an eternity of time when in the presence of unpleasantness!
ReplyDeleteYes indeed..thank you Mary
DeleteI think you'll like my poem today, Jae. I wrote it about my husband's program, but I suspect it could easily apply to some of what you're being subjected to. Arise and Walk
ReplyDeleteIt is a beautiful poem Ann..
DeleteIt's intense in your world, Jae! Counting all the time....unable to relax...voice in the head controlling....but at least we can express it here....on the paper...computer..deep breath....ah
ReplyDeleteYes..this piece of paper has been a much needed rescue breath on many occasions..thank you humbird ..aah
Deletehugs Jae Rose,
ReplyDeleteThank you Sheilagh angel wishes back
DeleteI don't understand. Is it torture? Is it Art? I am lost in its intensity and cannot leave. I have seen art like that and left angry, angry to be made to understand another part of the world I am too privileged to see.
ReplyDeleteMaybe something in between..it leaves me angry too..thanks for sticking with it Susan ..
Delete"A piece of work nobody gets to see"....this is intense for certain. I wish the narrator comfort and peace and am happy you, as a poet, have the means of releasing some of these memories, or events, through your art. Great work!
ReplyDeleteThanks Sherry..what a lovely comment
DeleteSo much work. It would be nice if at least one person could see. Then that might be enough.
ReplyDeleteOne person just saw..thank you for that (other) Alice
DeleteSometimes only the creator can understand the true worth of his creation..and no body else..Still , somewhere a pian remains..
ReplyDeleteYes a lot is not in our power..thank you Maniparna
DeleteI could visualize so well the ordeal of getting leave. How delicious it must be to roll in the red bed. Have some happy dreams Jae!
ReplyDeleteIt is a bit of an ordeal..permanent Sunday before school feeling :( thank you Old Egg
DeleteReminds me of a lock-down unit in the hospital - all your rights are taken and no one knows where you are ughh
ReplyDeleteJae keep writing the angst it does help
It's exactly that..thank you Leslie..words always help..
Deletethe deep, exciting mess of her thoughts...yet her thoughts have power...the power to keep her alive...the power of knowing.
ReplyDelete*
I do so hope..thank you kindly for your comment Mishla
DeleteI feel the tossing of a feverish nightmare. A grinding assault. If only someone would stand at the red bed. If only someone would anchor the tossing of the thoughts, would lift a fist and crush the fears with one powerful blow. But no one even has the lenses of perception to see the swirling red and the wobbling of the world.
ReplyDeleteNo you're probably right Sentinel..perhaps only the dreamer can crush the nightmare..
DeleteJae, this one, colorful in places... until the silver, the worst. I get it. I agree with Sherry on "a piece of work nobody gets to see," that's always the struggle. Keep on doing the work, babe, and the world will wake up and realize how wonderful you are! Love you, Amy
ReplyDeleteThank you so Amy..a virtual hug to start my day x
Deleteoh! it is indeed troubling as if seeking a release for the self to see / read but out certainly. intense!
ReplyDeleteThanks Akila..not too troubling I hope
DeleteJae... I know.. I can see it in each write of yours... I choose not to reveal... let it remain concealed...well let it be like that....that's what i call as total freedom...One can always see things better when one is no more a part of those.. May be, May be not.. but it's so beautiful ..this world of thoughts..
ReplyDeletehttp://rameshsood.blogspot.in/2013/12/nothing-extra-ordinary-about-it-3ww.html
RS
RS:)
RS:)
Thank you for finding the beauty Ramesh..j j j ...
DeleteOh my, this is a nightmare that visits some dark places.
ReplyDeleteA bit dark i will admit..thank you for the glass of wine by the side..always helps
DeleteThis swings between dark and light a rollercoaster to read.
ReplyDeleteThank you Sam!
DeleteHaving to grapple with a nightmare can be a sweaty experience. Avoiding creepy places during the day is an option. But some goodness within just fizzle without records. Worth noting down upon waking up otherwise! Nicely Jae!
ReplyDeleteHank
Yes..thankfully creepy places may be easier to avoid now Hank..thank you very much
DeleteIs this a description of wonderland? Or some personal hell? So much left unsaid, so much said...down the rabbit hole. Wonderful news this morning!!!
ReplyDeleteThe latter I think Annell..but hopefully we can begin winching our way out now..god news indeed..hugs x
Delete