I tie off my leg
With a pretty blue bow
They’ll never look there
I am so clever
Clever
As the dick
Who spray paints
Their name on the wall
The comfort brief
But necessary
I own my body now
A little trail of
Magic and powder
An eye stuffed to capacity
With silver
The comfort brief
But necessary
I am so clever
Stuck on Deuteronomy’s column
Powerful
Powerless
All
Nothing
The snake thick and orange
Bending up the glass
For air
Survival
A nagging insistence
Though every minute
Aches
Untidy as a frayed blue bow
That drops
As I drop
He is still stand up tall
At the bottom of the mirror
Dorothy was on the other side
I chased her for a bit
Like walking down that alley
With the stain on my coat
Hiding what’s exposed
I am so clever
Watch me tear apart
Strong as three-ply
Not so clever in the morning
When the mirror doesn't spin and
Dorothy is nothing more than a word
A fancy
Swept away in dust
You look better in yourself
You know
Thank you
But I don’t know who myself is any more
I cry and laugh on the cleanly stained floor
When the owl calls again
I will be blown home
On a cloud of frost and stars
I sit and wait
And wait
For her.
Does this mean you are going home soon? Your ironic title only highlights how not-fun this all has been for you.
ReplyDeleteI hope but am not sure Ann..they change the date and are shiftier than Hatter..I hope at least to be here more than there..thank you Ann..no, it's not been fun but my friends have kept me safe..thank you..
Deletethis sends a chill down my spine, lots of excellent images and the frost and stars make me wonder. Well done.
ReplyDeleteThank you Alan..
DeleteVery strong intention here for what you wish, Jae..It means- all up to you, creative person :)
ReplyDeleteThank you humbird..up to and down to me I guess! Sometimes sensible would be handier than creative..thank you kindly ;)
Deleteyou are strong and you have overcome a lot but soon you will see the her that resides within you the strong woman who believes in herself and that she can be happy.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much Sheilagh..let's hope x
DeleteWaiting is a major pain, but I feel the hope of Dorothy.
ReplyDeleteYes..Dorothy gets things done..unlike (other) Alice whose mind tends to wander..thank you (other) Alice
DeleteFor all your brilliant imagery in your writing there is still that yearning to recover what has been lost that seeps through every line. Great leaps forward might be good good for some but even tiny steps will get you there as well. Now where is that rabbit hole?
ReplyDeleteThe emergency exit is on your right Old Egg..I will be clogging up the way as my steps aren't even mouse sized it appears! Thank you..
DeleteYou look better in yourself... I just love that line, Jae. Hope all is well with you.
ReplyDeleteThank you Laurie..and for you too..
DeleteWhat a spectacular write this is! Just stunning. And your closing lines? written the way a maestro plucks the exact notes he needs out of the air and gives them sound.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much Sherry! Glad it ended on a good note
DeleteYou look better in yourself you know... is good news. Appearances are everything in the Stasi bureaucracy.Appropriate responses and the way you look are tickets to freedom. Average intelligence is what your minders possess. Someone like you may not really understand that average thinking is a lot more challenged(jaw droppingly so) than you can possibly imagine:)Lindy Chamberlain was unjustly put in prison for years for murder because she did not demonstrate the correct "normal" response of weeping at the court hearing.
ReplyDeleteIt does not matter who you are anymore. Very few people know who they are anyway. If they did the drug companies would be even richer than they are already. I don't care who I am in anyone else's eyes. . I am just glad to be me ,an opinion reinforced by what I see around me and happy that I can sit here and have a nice cup of tea and write to you. That is real wealth
A creative intelligence is always regarded as dangerous. People like to understand what they are dealing with and their limitations will never make that possible so as a result they feel threatened. Thus spake Rallentanda and there's me rant for today. Please take care . We are all waiting for the day when you can write and say Im outta there! I am going to send you a gift wrapped box of my thought processes for Christmas:)
Thank you for your gift wrapped comment Rallentanda..I am glad you are you too..I look forward to our first cup of tea and slice of cake when the locked doors and evil stares are behind me.. :)
DeleteWonderful imagery used and the last few lines .. just awesome !
ReplyDeleteThank you very much Maniparna
DeleteI like the last lines as well...the idea of being blown home on a cloud of frost and stars is beautiful imagery! Lots of good 'stuff' in this poem. Take care of yourself, Jae.
ReplyDeleteThank you Mary and you too..
Deleteevocative lines......'.But I don’t know who myself is any more' ..this is sad ...
ReplyDelete'
Thank you Sumana ..maybe j will be back again soon
DeleteJae, I see you as changing, and that's always better. A life without change is mired in stasis and bogged down by the past realities. "Dorothy is just a word," the letdown after events, yes. But you have a thousand Dorothys in your mind, and the blue tieoff will end soon.
ReplyDeleteRallentalla is right about creative people. We are misunderstood, feared, set apart. But hell, that gives us more time to write. Wishing you an understanding heart in that hellhole... to buoy your spirits. Keep writing so we can all be in touch wtih you. Much love, Amer
Hugs to you Amy..hope it is good change..hard to tell when it comes merely as a result of being in a hellhole (or one not of my making) j is confused..but very glad all her friends are still there..hopefully the house will stop spinning soon x
DeleteAmazing write up, Jae. . We're all in this together-waiting 'on cloud of frost and stars'..So lovely!!
ReplyDeleteI guess we are..thank you Panchali
DeleteJae I think the lines
ReplyDeleteYou look better in yourself
You know
Thank you
sum-up everything you might have ever said through your words....
I always find myself awestruck whenever I read your post and I read it again and again.. sometimes I get it and sometimes not... yet, I like the way you weave stories...
Thank You, Jae.. for giving treats of your amazing poetry.
Do visit me here..
http://rameshsood.blogspot.in/2013/12/and-pause-helps-3ww.html
RS
Thank you very much Ramesh - sometimes I don't get it either..I appreciate you coming back and reading
DeleteThe line that moved me lost was "I own my body now". It really should be a given, something we don't have to say. That we do gives it all the more power.
ReplyDeleteIt really should be a given you're right J Cosmo..sadly some situations render it the property of the state..but secretly yes always ours! Thank you
DeleteI really liked the way you looked at it - a journey!
ReplyDeleteThanks very much Akila..
DeleteIt feels like in owning your body, in taking control, you've lost the power to fly. Gravity has pulled you down hard. And anchored you were you fell.
ReplyDeleteYes..again you are right Sentinel..we shall look to fly next time
Delete