I start at eight
Stop for coffee at ten
I collect a bag to fill me up
(i ask so sweetly who could say no)
I sit by the window
The stars shine in the glass
Yellow and blue
Buttercups and day time
Thank you for the paper
Come home and I will make you ham and potato for tea
She smiles
I smile back
Everything’s ok
(you know you know)
I am a little tired of this affair
It is hard to turn the pages
But the vanilla is nice
Warm and sweet
Trickling like tears down the back of my throat
trick trickling i tricked you
(i am sorry very sorry)
In the evening we will hold hands and pray
It will be warm
You will tell me to expect better
Enough now
Stop
This is no way to be
(i will say thank you)
I am a little tired of this affair
I touch the phone and brush my bare foot over the kitchen
floor
I would like the ham and potato to taste better
But I really don’t feel you see
The words are not right and no one is there but I have to
try
(nothing comes for free)
Tomorrow will be another prayer
Another pie
Another vanilla tear
I will sit by the window again
I am tired of this affair
But it does not tire of me.
Melancholy, yet sweet, Jae. You make it clear that well-wishers don't make it so, and that wanting and getting are two different things. And of course, how some things continue past the pleasure they provide. I cannot help but wonder, how can the pleasure be re-infused?
ReplyDeleteWanting and getting are too different things a lot of people don;t understand that.
ReplyDeleteI am not sure Kim..if only it came infused in a tea bag..or a different view..thank you.. x
ReplyDeleteThank you Sheilagh..hard to understand inside yourself too at times..
ReplyDeleteNothing comes for free at all, apart from air and, if anyone could think of a way to capture it and charge for it, they would even charge for that too.
ReplyDeleteAnd life goes on. Yours seems to be on an even keel right now Jae. I hope so. :)
Amazing poem... you knocked it out of the ballpark with this ending, Jae.
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me of those moments of balance where all isn't right, but it's not out of control, either. You describe the calm after the storm, or the calm before another. I hope it's the former.
ReplyDeleteI love the image of vanilla tears.
Thank you Daydreamer..i think they do charge for air to pump your tyres over here in good old blighty..where air is never in short supply..maybe i'm a tyre with just enough air to keep rolling..thank you ;)
ReplyDeleteThank you Laurie..took me ages to get from beginning to end this Wednesday too..
Thank you Ann..i always find vanilla soporific..maybe stops the storm getting too big..chaos cannot be waged whilst digesting vanilla latte..thank you..
Extremely clever love the write.
ReplyDeleteBlessings
Love your positive choice of words in this one. I sense a new-found calmness. One step in the healing process?
ReplyDeleteSo many well intentioned people are so extremely annoying. "This is no way to be"? Yeah. Stuff it.
ReplyDeleteThank you Bethe..
ReplyDeleteThank you Linda..maybe the choice of words is a start..
Tsk..thank you kindly Alice ;)
New site format and a new style of writing, I love them both. The writing is so full of sensual feelings: the bare foot over the kitchen floor, the vanilla tears and even touching the phone for the person you want to ring. You show us the key but the lock is so difficult to open. Wonderful writing Jae.
ReplyDeleteSweet poem!
ReplyDeleteI do understand how hard it can be to turn the pages. Sometimes the pages stick on one's fingers. Holding hands and praying is definitely a good way to spend an evening, better than trying to turn pages. Sitting by the window, a person can see a lot on the horizon. And oh, wouldn't it be a perfect world if all the affairs we wished to shed would just go away! Another fine write here, Jae.
ReplyDeleteAnother beautiful assembly of words. I think I lack the sensitivity to make a meaningful comment of my own, I must therefore say that I concur with Old Egg.
ReplyDeleteWhat a poetic comment..thank you OldEgg..and thanks for the help with the blog mechanics..
ReplyDeleteThank you Day Dreamer..
Thank you very much Mary..that would be very good (the photos of Tulip and Basil are a tonic)...
I'm sure that's not true Altonian..but thank you..
There is a lot of prettiness in this poem.I like the vanilla tears. I would like to live in a world vanilla'd rather than salted.
ReplyDeleteYou've written it excellently, Jae! From start to end - perfect. :)
ReplyDeleteI wish I were a publisher. Everyone should have a chance to read this, to experience the emotions your writing draws from the depths.
ReplyDeleteEnjoyed! :-)
ReplyDeleteSometimes I can be sugar and spice..thank you Rallentanda..
ReplyDeleteThank you Vaishali....
Thank you Nico..i am grateful anyone takes the trouble to read and comment..thank you
Thank you Mary Ann...
ReplyDeletewhat is it that keeps you there? can't be just the ice cream and tea time! Maybe that's something to pray about......
ReplyDeleteVery sweet poem. Maybe there's an emotional attachment that keeps them there...
ReplyDeleteLove the repetition being part of the feeling. Brilliant!
ReplyDeleteThank you Joanne..i don't know..something to think of maybe..thanks..
ReplyDeleteThank you Nia..
Thank you very much Ritva..
"Trickling like tears down the back of my throat" such an interesting line.
ReplyDeleteYour last two lines--perfection.
yes, often an affair seems worn, yet we continue on, perhaps there is some bit of magic left simmering below the surface or maybe calm is what we need.
ReplyDeleteyou articulated that inner struggle with beauty.
Lovely poem. Ah, the bittersweet ennui of a vanilla love affair. So beautifully written. I love the last two lines. They tugged at my heart.
ReplyDeleteThank you muchly RMP..
ReplyDeleteCalm would indeed be good thank you Paige + Shauna..
Thank you Tracy..vanilla is much underrated in the world.. ;)
Such a beautiful piece from start to finish! Did this all come at once? Or slowly over time....
ReplyDeleteI think i write little bits here and there and then they seem to arrive together in one post Annell..maybe the ideas are older than the words? thank you..
ReplyDeletevery sad, caught in a loop but not feeling enough to break free. And yet feeling enough to see you are slipping away. Love the tears down your throat.
ReplyDelete.thank you Dandelion Girl..
ReplyDelete