I keep her coins wrapped in tissue on the sofa
As if I spend them I will lose her
Even more
She is precious
More than any one
The rain falls
Sweet as apple pie upon my shoulder
Soft
Fulfilling
Not like the grind of his crutches
Which drill into my head
Into my throat
Into my home
Except there is no home
There will never be home
No place to sleep
No place to be safe
I forget
Try to forget
Them
keys coins door locks wedge sink bowl cotton burn fume blood
nose pain gone
need to buy need to buy to stop
paper pen
List upon list of nothing
I remember everything
But nothing says it all
Nothing
The rain falls and marks my coat
I wake up
To nothing
Days counted not spent
Hardly matters numbers days
It is not tomorrow yet
Yesterday still tastes bitter
The bad apple in the pie
I push it down
Stop time
drink eat wash
On the sofa she is with me
Hand in hand we shine the coins
We will spend our pennies wisely
Know what treasure is
And what is really lost.
You have coins, I have a box of buttons - all shapes and sizes. They don't fit anything anymore; will never be used again, but must not be discarded because they were hers. Some of them I played with as a child. While I have them - I still have her. It is the same with my father's old tools, or at least some of them.
ReplyDeleteWhat poignancy there is in your writing when tiny pieces of you are exposed. No so much as to reveal anything to us but enough to show joy and sadness and a desperate longing that is so difficult to achieve. Never waver, be strong and joy and laughter are possible.
ReplyDeletevery evocative writing!
ReplyDeleteWe can have anything we want but not everything we want. So yes, spend your treasure wisely.
ReplyDeleteYes Altonian..we need to keep our boxes of treasures..even if they are full of things that make no sense to anyone else..thank you..
ReplyDeleteThank you Old Egg..I am strong as a donkey..or indeed an ass..(on the outside at least)..
Thank you my heart..
Thank you Ann..always good to wait for the magic beans..
Jae...I read your words with a fresh cup of coffee and Trever Hall singing..."mama I here you calling through the rain..." A good parent will always protect and help with the pennies.
ReplyDeleteYes..indeed GS..and a good parent need not be your mother or father..thank you..
ReplyDeleteso true Jae... being a good parent has nothing to do with the sperm or the egg...love is between the adult and the child
ReplyDeletePennies can be treasures if they had belonged to someone you cared about. And I hear you about days counted not spent. I have some times like that too, days that just pass as nothing...and yes, some treasures ARE just lost; but hopefully we always find a new one.
ReplyDeleteAs long as you two are shining the coins I figure it’s OK, tissue is OK, essential in fact, to keep things in tact. I got dust and tags and I’m OK, not that my formula works for everyone, but you know...
ReplyDeleteOoh! Haven't visited in awhile Jae. So glad I came by- your stuff always pulls something from me I've been ignoring...
ReplyDelete;) GS..
ReplyDeleteWe have to hope for that Mary..thank you..hope today is a day well spent for you..
Whatever formula works is definitely OK..thank you Miss A..
Thank you for coming back Kate..good to read your comments..
Jae
She sounds nice.
ReplyDeleteShe is..very..thank you Rallentanda..
ReplyDeleteThis poem is life. The good and bad woven together to create a tapestry that is strong, durable, resilient and comforting. All of it serves in one way or another. Some, if only to teach us we deserve different, more, better. Some to remind us there is always love and support, even when they seem out of reach.
ReplyDeleteThank you Kim - I always trust you to find both the good and bad..and for pointing it out to me.. ;)
ReplyDeleteJae, again, light amid dark thoughts. Shining pennies with her, and the last two lines, so hopeful. There's always one bad apple, but all those coins? Hell, I'll take the pennies any day when they are polished with love. Amy
ReplyDeletehttp://sharplittlepencil.com/2012/06/11/ugly/
Passing a shiny penny back to you Amy..thank you.. :)
ReplyDeleteThe tone in this story is different with things that are warm and soothe and shine. I also wonder if 'she' is the one that is the other part of you, the one that hopes to shine.
ReplyDeleteI like the happy ending, feeling like you are able to wash away what is lost. I hope that you are able to spend some of those days.
Thank you Archna..in a way yes she is the other part of me..the wiser part..the more hopeful part...shiny pennies back to you..
ReplyDeletethis is so sad. this is how i feel about my grandma, she seems to always be there
ReplyDeletedefining mama one