Sunday, 4 March 2012

Without A Word

They drove me home with the little girl
The one who hugged me
The one who cried and screamed in her pink dressing gown
With white hearts
Burnt with cigarette ends
Please let me come with you
One hundred and sixty eight days and I could not say
No
I want this to be mine
To be something
They drove me home with the little girl
She sang and clapped her hands
yawned burped and squealed
She felt every turn of the wheel
I felt nothing
I felt nothing
Until I found myself in the car mirror
And thought of my way back home
Who I am
Who I was
Who I will be
And I smiled without moving
I smiled for surviving room 23
They drove me home with the little girl
They dropped me first
Carried my bags up the stairs
Without a word
Without a word
Snuck me in without looking
i think they knew i saw everything every hand out of place every comment that stang
just sit in the back seat and think of your mum
not terrible j terrible j who did not scoop you up and join in clapping hands
They drove me home with the little girl
Left me in the hall
With the foul smell of room 23
They took her to her mother
Maybe sat with tea and jam
Ignored how she cut her hair in different lines
How her hands were palsied like claws
ready to cry. or scream
Now I am in the beige place
Silent and warm
The sting pulled out
The smell washed away
I search my thoughts and smile
I am no longer with the little girl
I am home
Without a word
Without a word.
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26 comments:

  1. Unknown4 March 2012 at 04:58

    Home. Safe. Smiling. Ready. Good.

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  2. Laurie Kolp4 March 2012 at 05:01

    Congratulations on your new beginning!

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  3. Altonian4 March 2012 at 05:25

    If you can smile at your own thoughts, instead of being frightened and depressed by them, then one can say that you have MADE IT, girl! Welcome home, and congratulations at your success.

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  4. annell44 March 2012 at 06:50

    Just as I thought. There are the words, in beautiful order. Telling your story, your story alone, unique, and beautiful. I think probably, all creative people worry from time to time, that the words won't be there, or the color, or the movement. But sure enough, there they are, ready when you are. I am so very proud of you, I know it hasn't been easy, probably never is, but somehow you have found the "way" back home again. But maybe it isn't the same? A new home for you to create? Just the way you want it? I love this write. I am think the little girl might be the one you left behind?

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  5. Jae Rose4 March 2012 at 07:07

    Thank. You. Kim. x

    Thanks Laurie..

    Thanks Altonian..or in the process of making it at least..

    Yes, Annell..I think that crossed my thoughts too..thank you..

    Jae

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  6. rallentanda4 March 2012 at 07:15

    Why am I hearing the theme song from 'The Ponderosa'? Cheery and positive I suppose:)
    PS
    It's gettin harder and harder
    to prove I'm not a robot.
    Trying to decipher these words I strongly suspect I might be.

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  7. Jae Rose4 March 2012 at 07:24

    Pah..you are all human Rallentanda..I shall have to look up The Ponderosa theme now..Jae :)

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  8. Daydreamertoo4 March 2012 at 07:29

    Now, instead of anyone else holding that darn key, Jae herself holds it. I'm sure you know well that it isn't going to be a picnic Jae but, take each day as it comes, one day at a time. I'm sure 6 months ago you could not imagine being home. Now, look at the view, looking back.
    Life is as hard or as easy as we make it. Make your amazing talent for words count for something for others Jae by keep on sharing them here. One day I am certain they will be read by the thousands.
    Every small step forward counts on our journey. Keep making yours Jae. The little girl must feel scared yet, she's seeing that there is sunshine to look forward to now.
    Big hugs.

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  9. Tigerbrite4 March 2012 at 08:19

    Peace be with you Jae. May the little girl grow up strong and happy... I'm sure she will if you send her some love.

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  10. Jae Rose4 March 2012 at 09:30

    Thank you TigerBrite..sending love..or at least trying to..

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  11. Dee Martin4 March 2012 at 10:54

    joyful, fearful, relieved, nervous, apprehensive, hopeful, cautious, thrilled, excited, praying, laughing...celebrating with tea and cakes with little sparklers for your independence day :)

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  12. Old Egg4 March 2012 at 12:42

    As usual there is a lot more in this that can be ingested at first reading. It is amazing how much you tell us in your writing, enlivening our senses but at the same time still keeping us guessing. Our joy for the homecoming is accompanyed by some fantastic imagery that you continually treat us to. May you always spice up our lives with your writing.

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  13. Denise Moncrief4 March 2012 at 14:45

    I'm not familiar with your story, Jae, but I sense all the anticipation, uncertainty and hope wrapped up in this homecoming. Your poetry is truly lovely.

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  14. Maude Lynn4 March 2012 at 15:13

    Hypnotic.

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  15. Ann (bunnygirl)4 March 2012 at 16:28

    Glad you're home. May this time now be yours.

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  16. Mary4 March 2012 at 18:15

    I am glad to read that you ARE home in that beige place, YOUR place, and by now the stink of room 23 is behind you. I do wonder what will happen to the girl. Peace!

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  17. beeguiler4 March 2012 at 19:56

    Letting go to become whole.

    peace,
    d

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  18. Pratibha4 March 2012 at 23:18

    there is fear and there is lot more hope in here !

    Good luck :)

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  19. Jae Rose5 March 2012 at 05:20

    Sharing a sparkler with you Dee..a little moon dust..many thanks..

    I will be an irritating nub of pepper stuck in one's molars..guaranteed..thank you OldEgg..

    Thank you Denise - I am not entirely certain of the story either.. ;)

    hypnotic on the hypnotics..thanks MamaZen..

    Thank you Ann..let's hope..

    Hopefully she will go and play now..Thank you Mary..

    Peace back..thank you Deborah..

    Hopefully it remains in balance..thank you Nimue

    Jae

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  20. Nara Malone5 March 2012 at 16:30

    I just keep thinking it's the wordless ones who see deeper that anyone else, why they wind up in places like room 23.

    Loved these images: Maybe sat with tea and jam
    Ignored how she cut her hair in different lines
    How her hands were palsied like claws
    ready to cry. or scream

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  21. Anonymous5 March 2012 at 23:47

    I'm smiling, also, because you have survived. I did not find the word happy but I'm glad that there is silence and warmth.

    You felt something when you found yourself in the mirror and that is more than a beginning.

    Hello again.

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  22. Jae Rose6 March 2012 at 07:22

    Thanks Nara..as long as we leave that room..in one piece..maybe the words quietly and slowly come out..and that's what counts..good to see you..

    Hello Archna..you are right..there is no happy..and I am wondering if I have ever placed a 'happy' in the dust..perhaps that could be this week's writing challenge..Thank you..again..

    Jae

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  23. dandelion girl7 March 2012 at 02:48

    I love how you make us think. Strong visual and emotional images. :) x

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  24. Jae Rose7 March 2012 at 05:09

    Thank you Dandelion Girl.. :)

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  25. Gwen7 March 2012 at 09:48

    You certainly have the magic touch with words:)
    xx

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  26. Jae Rose7 March 2012 at 10:18

    Thank you Gwen..Jae :)

    ReplyDelete

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