I sit on the bench
I should not be baffled
This is the same story
Just the next page
And yet my throat burns and the tears fall on to my list
My thoughts are stories she says
lies not truths not real
They feel real
They scream as loud as the woman on the street
say it to my face i dare you come on
People stand outside the shops and listen
I walk by
With a bag of food I find hard to carry
Hard to choose
Tin cans stabbing my back as I haul them over my shoulder
They bruise
Like the words
Sour as the poison Alice drank
Until she shrank and shrank
No bigger than the bottle which made her small
A negative equation that will not balance
I cannot keep my appointment of care
It hurts too much
exhaust exhausts exhaustion
I buy fruitcake and hot chocolate at the train station
It makes me sick
I wipe my mouth and watch the mad hatter move stones
An elegant stain on his trousers
I feel sick again
At the thought of moving the boulders inside
At least now I can watch the train
I leave the bench go back to the bench
I should not be baffled
This is the same story
Just the next page
I fill it with ink
An unsteady truth
A glimpse of real
A story of savage sweet dreams.
"Sweet savage dreams" gives pause, Jae.
ReplyDeleteYou've captured the essence of moving forward in one's journey. There is always a bit of illness, exhaustion, trepidation along the way. Bumps, bruises, doubts and uncertainty, too. But the successes! The gains! The wellness and wonder! They are worth the effort, aren't they?
We grow stronger as we walk through the fear and discover we can do it!
ReplyDeleteHauntingly beautiful. I do love your poetry Jae Rose.
ReplyDeleteSo strange is life, when some of us sail through it, never a thought or a care, others struggle to stay afloat and fight to keep from drowning.
ReplyDeleteWe all know the destination, the trick is, to enjoy the ride.
Keep filling your pages with savage, sweet truth because, that truth is yours and yours alone and no-one can take it away from you.
If nothing else Jae, keep taking deep breaths, hold them all then let go slowly.
It's still all about adjusting to changes in your days once more.
Your writing is as spectacular as ever!
"Exhaust exhausts exhaustion."
ReplyDeleteA dazzling bit of construction...
Yeah, dead good! I love the parellel with Alice!
ReplyDeleteI love you eluding to Alice.It's hard to move forward and find yourself don't let anyone tell your truth is not real.
ReplyDeleteBumps..makes me think of Mr Bump..the mister man..the little book thumbed to exhaustion..you are right of course Kim..another day..not one more day..thank you..
ReplyDeleteThank you Laurie..although sometimes training wheels are required..
Thank you. So. Dandelion Girl..
I've never met a sailor of the world..(maybe that's where I'm going wrong)..it's all too easy to be amongst the stumblers..I will try to breathe thank you Daydreamer..'me typing fingers need oxygen! Thank you..
Thanks Berowne..
Thank you Andy..she sticks around like glue..
Special people can say it's all a load of buttercups.. ;) thank you Sheilagh..
Jae
Just move one stone at a time Jae, they may seem like a lot to move but who knows when you start I am sure there will many others help you shift them. You choice of words once again stuns the reader.
ReplyDeleteJae, I think most of our lives is the 'same old story' repeated. Do not ever feel alone in this...we each have our theme and variations. Your writing is so good, Jae. I feel honored to know you.
ReplyDeleteI drink your words and find myself in a train station with fruitcake in one hand and hot chocolate in the other while clouds that could be train steam or could be my breath billow in the Winter chill.
ReplyDeleteSweet jaeRose,this poem or story
ReplyDeleteof hurt and isolation is poignant
and touches my heart, for I can
clearly see this woman you have
illustrated her.
The curse of an intelligent and creative mind is that it cannot be satisfied with the ordinary and it isn't easily fooled.
ReplyDeleteEach of us is a negative equation that will not balance. Perhaps the more important matter is whether we're supposed to balance at all. Maybe that's just another fairy tale we've been taught and your story is fine just as you choose to write it.
Thank you OldEgg..strapping on the metaphorical gardening gloves and preparing to wrench a kidney hauling the dust boulders..
ReplyDeleteThank you Mary - I am always honoured that you visit and give your support..
That view is quite a pleasant one Alice..like a Victorian scene where the hot chocolate is served in china cups and the fruit cake comes on a plate..thank you..
Thank you Paige..I am glad you see her..
Thank you Ann..your comments are always so perceptive..and shed light on what I scribble when I often can't find it myself..thank you for that..
Jae
Keep pushing through. You'll make it.
ReplyDeleteThis feels so much like the writing process to me--moving those boulders, trying to navigate inner and outer worlds and figure out which is true. It is exhausting.
ReplyDeleteThank you Angel.. :)
ReplyDeleteYou're right Nara..I hadn't even considered that angle..thank you..
Jae
just sitting here in Texas,,wonderin' how the JaRose is doing...It took me awhile but i finally found the book you reccommended.."Restraint of Beast"...I grin a lot.. thanks..
ReplyDeleteI am thinking of the barefoot virgin, you tell me much about her, one stone at a time. Sometimes we don't even know where we are, it takes time to know the "savage sweet dream." Little successes, like one breath at a time, is probably all we can hope for. Beautiful write!
ReplyDeleteHello in Texas Glenn..I had forgotten about the book recommendation..thanks for stopping by..always a pleasure..
ReplyDeleteThank you Annell..it's the little things that make the bigger things..
Jae
Words can indeed be poison, but yours are always wonderful!
ReplyDeleteThank you Belva..Jae :)
ReplyDelete