Sunday, 31 July 2011

Anchor. Cherry. Bell

One of them falls out. In the library. Reaching for the train timetable. I pick it up. Place it in my wallet. Think of the time on the stairs. How the plan hasn’t shifted but my hands are more still. Less steady on the reach. Not feigning an applause. Awaiting an ovation. Funny. How nobody sees. Little shivers of rust falling out of me. Nervous. I sit in one of the blue chairs. Pick a day. Write it down in the little book. As if it has meaning. Weight. The balance of an equation. Wednesday the fulcrum. Friday too far. Thursday just right. Monday, Tuesday that’s when I should be on the train. Going to the place where I got lost. But it doesn’t figure. The chink of rust falling tells me I am stuck. Dreaming over numbers. Places. I worry about the space left behind. From the one that fell away. I could sew it in place. Anchor myself. Ring the bell of my arrival. Stroke the cherry colour on my flesh. Suck it off. Lick at it. Taste what I have become. All idle plans. Nervous scribbles on the blue chair. Foolish. Stupid. Dumb. I turn the china bones as the boy below turns three. This is where I am.
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19 comments:

  1. Old Egg31 July 2011 at 04:16

    She is treating the anchor, cherry and bell as markers, perhaps talismans or perhaps more than that. The days of the week too are indicators, everything is taking on a meaning, a guide, a way out. In, out, forward, back, none in themselves are answers especially not down and out. The chink of rust is not falling saying she is stuck, it is perhaps putting away the past and she will become bright and shiny new again.

    Mesmerizing in its complex messages Jae.

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  2. Jae Rose31 July 2011 at 06:23

    Thank you OldEgg..you always chip away at the rust..find the shininess underneath..Jae

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  3. Abigail Bunting31 July 2011 at 06:40

    'Not feigning applause. Awaiting an ovation. Funny. How nobody sees.'

    It sounds to me as if the narrator doesn't want people to merely tolerate her, a polite audience that applauds regardless of an actor's caliber. No, this woman needs to be loved, adored even. In other words, she needs a standing ovation.

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  4. annell431 July 2011 at 06:47

    I love that you love these words, Anchor. Cherry. Bell They belong to you.
    I think it is funny, in a curious way, we pick a time (time on the stairs) and we hold it out and we look at it. It is really no different than any other time? And I do not think it will come again. It is part of the past, but I agree with oldegg, I think she is looking at a new day. A bright and shiny new day. Again the "lost" part was in the past, and I do not think she will be lost again today. This is where you are, also, facing a new day, and all will be well. I like the use of the anchor, so she will not float away. And the bell will ring, in celebration of her arrival! Perhaps she tastes like a stew? A combination of all kinds of things... hummmm, a cherry stew. Yes, I think I will like it!

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  5. Jae Rose31 July 2011 at 07:34

    Your perceptiveness always astounds me Abigail - thank you- maybe I was stuck in the spot light of the stage not able to see..a single genuine clap is worth it's weight in gold..an ovation..well, maybe one day..

    Humm..can we go for cherry pie Annell..not cherry stew..I realised the words came out in a different order today..but with a stew I guess you can mix the ingredients up..thank you..I hope as you and Old Egg say, the rust is just a mild hindrance on the train tracks moving to the next stop..

    jae

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  6. LeiffyV31 July 2011 at 11:47

    These pieces get more interesting, especially when you know what lies behind them (even a little knowledge helps). The rust could be the fear of letting go, keeping what was without knowing it will be better to remove it. The symbols are rich here, all personal and yet all encompassing. Another great chapter in this story. Thanks for sharing Jae!

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  7. erer31 July 2011 at 12:17

    I love your story telling... like something raw and so painfully honest. Yes, nobody sees; apart from when there's a drama to gossip over!

    Nice one!

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  8. laurie kolp31 July 2011 at 13:27

    Another powerful, compelling piece... I always look forward to reading your work Jaerose.

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  9. Anonymous31 July 2011 at 17:38

    This is fascinating and makes me curious...especially the line Monday, Tuesday that’s when I should be on the train. Going to the place where I got lost. Great Write!

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  10. Marja1 August 2011 at 02:32

    A very rich and descriptive piece I love
    "Little shivers of rust falling out of me"

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  11. Jae Rose1 August 2011 at 03:58

    Thanks Leiffy - yes it must make it a little less cryptic..thanks as ever for reading and 'getting it'..

    Yes, Warm Sunshine..drama makes for good gossip..thanks

    Thank you Laurie - always good to read your posts and hear from you too..

    Thanks Jeanne..it's Monday..no train today..

    Thanks Marja..

    Jae

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  12. Roan1 August 2011 at 04:46

    Amazing description. I love the "little shivers of rust" and "chink of rust". I feel as if the past is being peeled away, allowing a rebirth of sorts. Moving forward through life, trying to leave the past behind. Interesting piece.

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  13. Kwee Cats and Art1 August 2011 at 06:06

    A talisman, or three of them, for a new life? Or for the attention of the ovation? Or for what she can't see past herself? Very intriguing.

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  14. Jae Rose1 August 2011 at 06:43

    Thank you Roan..I like how people are seeing the rust as something to be cleaned up..something that may be good..

    Maybe all of the above Kwee..thank you

    Jae

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  15. Daydreamertoo1 August 2011 at 14:53

    Everything you say means as much as everything that you don't say in between.
    I love the way you use one word, and like a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle all shook up in a box, somehow, it all seems to fit together and make sense.
    So many thoughts, fears, avoidances, even some bribery in there too.
    As usual, your prose is unique and beautifully, astonishing.

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  16. glnroz2 August 2011 at 06:40

    rust is natures protective coating. It can be taken away to show the "shinnie" underneath,,,

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  17. Jae Rose2 August 2011 at 07:11

    Thanks Daydreamer..what a great analogy...and comment!

    Thanks Glenn..let's hope there is much 'shinnie'-ness underneath..

    Jae

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  18. Anonymous2 August 2011 at 12:42

    Haven't read through all the comments, so forgive me if I repeat anyone's thoughts. I saw the rust as part of her life that had fallen away, and the cherry red as the blood as she attempts to sew it back in place - but it will leave scars, as all losses do.

    Jae, your poetry is mesmerizing. Peace, Amy
    http://sharplittlepencil.wordpress.com/2011/08/02/outstanding-what-sun-scribblings/

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  19. Jae Rose3 August 2011 at 04:28

    Thank you Amy..cherry kiss scars..could be worse..and you didn't step on anybody's comment toes..thank you as always..Jae

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