It sounds like stars in the car park
Light over the ceiling
Look
Don’t catch
Not like back in the place
Where the damp ate your soul
Sniff the TV
good night good night
I wrap my hand
Lift the spider web over my head
The house does not look clean
Even though
I polish dust scrub
Two litres and one brown bottle
So many days
It is pointless to count
Something crawls over the ceiling
Baby bird bones
You’re a good kid
She said
never good never good
Power down
Progress is terribly slow
The yellow wire snakes
Long
Easily
Elements exposed
It points to path 27
Thank you for taking care
She holds her head in the car
I could walk forever
Flip the book
She is sick
She is sick
tuck turn run for cover
She was a good kid
She was a good kid
Now she is gone
She is gone.
You have to read the messages between the lines. She may not think those thoughts at all. Certainly not about that one brown bottle...six perhaps! You have captured so well the anxiety of showing a good face when a dreaded visitor comes. Relax she is gone now.
ReplyDeleteThis poem is so full of vivid imaginations ... loved it :-)
ReplyDeletejust be relieved, she's gone. think all of us has this kind of encounter. never easy, always uncomfortable but as long as you offer a smile it will be fine
ReplyDeleteVivid imagery once again, but I can't decide - are you glad, or sad that she has gone? Your poems are very often too deep for my poor brain.
ReplyDeleteNo doubt she is a good kid still, she just lost faith in her own goodness. We tend to become what we think.
ReplyDeleteRight away you begin with a mystery...and how do stars sound? And instead of watching the TV, she sniffs? Is she anxious for approval, will the house be clean enough? Is anything enough? Yes, sometimes is seems pointless. And again, "over the ceiling" instead of "on the ceiling?" Another puzzle, but she was a good kid, and I'm glad she is gone!
ReplyDeleteI usually have to read and reread, as your verse and words have many symbols and meanings....how do you produce such profound work?? Wish I could write 1/4 as well as you.....
ReplyDeleteI bet you were a 'good kid,' Jae. I was a good kid too. Some days we just need to look back and remember and treasure!!
ReplyDeleteforever good forever good
ReplyDeletethus is the line I'd add.
Blessed be, Jae, blessed be.
Thank you to all..apologies..progress on individual comments is terribly slow today..thank you..Jae
ReplyDelete"good kid" is an illusion like so much else - hard to unscramble. It is all about inner and out messages. You are a master of atmosphere. You evoke emotion with such a few words. "Where the damp ate your soul" and "Lift the spider web over my head." Those lines nailed me to my chair. Baby bird bones...all these fragile images. The thing is, there is no such thing as a kid who is NOT good. Just like grown-ups, thrust into circumstances and trying to feel their way through with as little damage as possible. Tuck, turn, run for cover are skills we all need to hone :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Dee..muchly x
ReplyDeleteTV-sniffing, yes. Old tube TVs offer the best bouquet and static surprise. The smell of impending doom: fresh laundry in the whipping wind, air fattening with moisture, thunder, the feel of lightning. Comes close to, but cannot touch, the sound of stars in a car park. : )
ReplyDeleteA-ha you know the smell ms z..knew you would..thank you.. x
ReplyDeletecompelling as ever Jae :D
ReplyDeleteThanks Alice..good to see you back..
ReplyDelete