I have stopped looking
For this thing they call j
I lost her
On the bench
In the words
In the bed that smells like Borax.
I hug the powder snuggle the powder praise in finding it in my little red bush
i am so clever
the prickles nick the back of my hands the knuckles which belong to j the knuckles run along bumpy walls for so many years for so many years
I lick the red dribbles the moisture from the bag the little bag which keeps the powder safe for me how easy to hide how easy to disappear how easy to lose j
Everything leaves when nobody looks any more
My feet make no noise as I hustle through the leaves to the spot
where i am me and me and me
Tomorrow I will sit in the chair smile and nod
I will not hear the words thrown at me like Borax
I will not tell them that this case is closed
That I have stopped looking
For this thing that they call j.
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20 comments:
It sounds as though this j is taking control. This reader however is bursting with frustration that he is so speechless in the face of such an onslaught of descriptive terms such as "the prickles nick the back of my hands the knuckles which belong to j the knuckles run along bumpy walls for so many years for so many years." Mesmerising stuff.
This conveys, boldly, the tricks and tactics learned of necessity, to enable survival in the harshest of conditions. The images and inferences are smart and clever. The details invite the reader into the nitty-gritty of this "figuring-out-process." This piece, as did its predecessors, reveals a creative talent, a woman of great intelligence, a spirit determined to survive, emerge, soar. This is good.
Thank you Old Egg..I never saw it like that..
Thanks Kim..survival is definitely the word..
Jae
There is a tv show over here, called Cold Case where a very smart bunch of detectives solve old cases that have been pushed to the back of the shelf, deemed un-solvable, closed. We need to refer your case to them. They would re-open that case, deal with the bad guys, and set you free.
You always anchor me in your space in some way, the smell of borax, the feel of knuckles on a bumpy wall. Tiny details that sneak in and wrap around my senses.
They will try to tell you who you are or who you should be. Knowing different is hard.
The interesting thing, always, is that your words have a discomforting trajectory. Lines topple. Phrases get repeated, stretched. YET, more often than not, I leave the poem feeling that this is a speaker who is in control of her destiny, despite the fact that the rest of her environment seems to be trying to exert control.
Not only do you engage every sense, but there is a beat and resonance underpinning you story that build up and then eases back down. Very compelling.
What an incredibly sad, incredibly powerful piece.
Jae, I have to say, this was disturbing, filled with images of damage and hopelessness. How you are able to weave all these things into strong poetry, moving art... you are a wonder. And you can stop looking. j is alive and kicking and we love her!! Amy xo
http://sharplittlepencil.wordpress.com/2011/11/28/amy-is-back-therapy-in-bb/
Yes Dee..that's a fantastic thought..cleaning up after the crime..figuring things out and filing them away..thank you..
Thank you Ann..
Thank you Wendy..ihopeihope..
Thank you Nara..
Thank you Mama Zen..
Bless you..thanks Amy..j x
Jae
I see someone growing stronger, willing to change as shown so vividly in the last 5 lines.
Poetry is your salvation, Jae. Many of our salvations, Jae; though we are not in the same place you are. Don't lose J. Keep looking for her, embracing her. Don't ever let her go.
you know i thought i saw j sitting under a tree reading poetry just the other day. perhaps she is on vacation =)
I think nothing is ever lost, just when you think it is, it will show up. Like Susan Griffin says in Chorus of Stones, it is all there, on the surface of the stone, all of the history, years back... j is still here today, stronger than ever. Wonderful write. Look into Alice's eyes it will all be reflected back to you. Hold tight! xoxoxoxoannell
The secret word for today was "guesspib."
And this one was "vizabl."
xoxoxoxoannell
Thank you Laurie..
I will keep j safe..thank you Mary..
An internal vacation..do it many times a day and like to think of my imaginary apple tree with a hammock..sun..and a book..thanks Lucy..
Thank you Annell..vizabl..are you Anonymous? I was trying to link back last week to find you..my visible friend..
Jaex
I think Jae is very strong, very clear minded and very talented. J is not lost at all. We all need space and time to grow and, sometimes we don't 'fit' other people's opinion of us at all but, we don't want to rock any boats.
Your writing is powerful as usual, disturbing and yet, also cleansing too.
I wonder where the extremely gifted and talented Jae will be this time next year?
Me too..not in room 23 I hope..thank you Daydreamer..Jae x
Haunting. As if this person feels invisible,
yet not invisible enough. She seems to be
evaporating on the outside but on the inside
she is becoming more.
Thank you Marie..you put it more clearly than I ever could..Jae
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