The nausea rises up in me.
Like the lift.
Every ten minutes.
Up and down.
Sickness comes and goes.
In my throat.
In my guts.
I try and swallow.
Hold my face.
Don’t come in. Don’t come in.
But every line.
Around my mouth.
Around my head.
Is noted observed contained measured.
I go out.
For forty minutes.
They walk by my side.
I pull up my shades.
Put down my head.
Cherish the beach inside.
Let my toes fall into the sea.
Not the rancid puddle around the bath.
The one which makes me smell strange.
Not me.
Eight people collecting on my skin.
Not able to wash up.
Wash off.
Sinking in.
Absorbing into me.
I prickle with every minute.
Every minute of discomfort.
Forty.
Ten.
Twenty three.
Six.
I swallow water.
Like thoughts.
These are the minutes of my meeting.
There is no guarantee I will leave room 23.
There is no guarantee that it will leave me.
18 comments:
I am still experiencing dongle issues. Thank you for bearing with me..and Dee for your lovely offer..Jae
What a nightmarish place. From feted water to a rising gorge, it's harsh.
reading,, waiting,,
Powerful writing, very moving.
There are three you's; the one you talk about that's the one they know, then the there are the two they don't know. There is one inside you with secrets and laughter and love and dipping your toes in the sea then there is the third which is your plan for the future, when the new you will emerge like a butterfly from the cocoon. I am looking forward to those and you writing of them.
I think the wall between room 23 and the outside is thinner than it seems. Sometimes I relate to the outside. Others, I could be right there in room 24 next door to you...and about the offer - anytime girlfriend :)
You accurately convey the challenges, the discomforts, the horrors of the process. The fact that its horrifying must be countered by the fact that healing awaits at the other end. Brilliant write, Jae.
I agree with old Egg, three you's. The one who is a happy child in that hidden 'safe' place because the known torment is the 'safe known and can be supressed. The you who is so sick of being in that torment and wishes you could leave it all behind you in room 23, walk away and be free. And the you who is the strong person who holds it all together, keeps it all under control because you fear anyone else taking that control away from you.
Complex, deep, meaningful. There's so much more between the lines that isn't said.
One day you will 'think' yourself free of all the torments because...you can.
I do think you will leave room 23 and that it will leave you in time. Some things in life are temporary, have to be endured. The only way out is through, and I think your journey is well underway. Aside from that, it doesn't sound like a pleasant place to be.
Thank you all for your kind, insightful and motivating comments..you all help make room 23 a little more bearable..thank you..Jae
Yes, sometimes are not what we call the "best times." But I agree with Mary that we must go through them, in order to leave room 23, and to allow room 23 to leave us. I know what you are doing is hard work, and you get tired and probably wonder is it worth it at all? I hope with all my heart it will all be worth it, you will fill your book with wonderful writes just like this one. Love you Jae.
Thank you Annell..love back x Jae x
Oh, Jae Rose, I am so sorry to read this and discover you are going through such an unpleasant time. I know how Room 23 feels like all there is, when one is in it. The world outside totally separate. But soon you will be out there again. I LOVE how you retreat to the beach, in your mind. Hang in there. I will keep visiting to accompany your progress.
Powerful! Intense! Awesome!
Thank you Sherry..very kind..
Thanks Shon..
Jae x
Amazing poetry from room 23, nothing lasts forever!
I love the idea of the beach inside your head that you can escape to.
Haiku Wall
there was a sweet rose called Jae
who thought in room 23 she would stay
until her pal came along
from the land filled with bongs
and said why don't we go out and play
in the blue green lagoon rock bay
we can form an all girl band
cover ourselves in white sand
and you with the big hair can sway
to lovely hula hands all throught the day
land of bongs=land where the bong trees gorw
Oops..land where the bong trees grow
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