The Twins

I look over the library railings
There is a leaflet
Less is more
Right in the spot where you would land
If you jumped
Though you might hit the pigeon wire
And be left dangling
In your filthy coat
The one you can’t wash that smell out of
Of room twenty three
Now they lock the toilets
You have to ask to piss
There are 1728000 seconds left
28800 minutes
480 hours
This week’s lesson
Numbers in a story
Of a story
Nothing really
One bowl of soup ordered
Going cold as the fire alarm rings
The second swallowed down
Past chapped fingers and splitting lips
Opposite tables of pretty children
Who won't haul their piss through twenty years
Thirty years
Who won't cry at the sound of keys
Or laughter

My toes throb and sob
Walking in this empty place
Full of useless noise
Foul faces
Evil hands

The tears come out
In front of the little girl
She hugs me
I feel small
Smaller than her
I cannot control this chaos
It is worse than the chaos I wrecked upon myself

I don’t want to leave the little girl here
And yet I know she will be ok
Better than me
I am not strong
I am empty
What I am looking for cannot be found

We all look into the camera
With blank open eyes
There is nothing
No lesson to be learnt
Just a future we don’t quite own.

My toes throb and sob
There are nineteen days left until I can rest

‘We all have an identity we cannot avoid it
It’s what’s left when you take everything else away’ - Diane Arbus