I was fifteen and scared
I did not understand why my world was falling apart
No one came to me
Though they must have heard
And I locked my door
A small measure of safety in a dangerous world
The scream changed me
Changed my world into before and after
It was physical and mental
I was breaking down
Never to be the same again
I wish someone would have held me
Made the unhappiness stop
But they made their choices
And overlooked me
Now I try to make noise but find I am blocked
I yawn and stretch
Open my mouth but only air comes out
Alice giggles
She is always singing but I’ve never heard her scream
That is good
It must mean she is happy
I am glad I am no longer running
No longer screaming
I am glad I am in control of the doors
That I am safer, not at the mercy of other’s mistakes
But I cannot forgive and I cannot forget
To reach a place of such despair was terrifying
And I was good, I did not deserve to feel such pain
From now on I will try to scream with delight
Like riding a roller coaster or opening the window in a storm
Unlearn all the things that were instilled in me as a child
I do not want to remember the past
I do not want to give it the gift of my time and thoughts
Perhaps one day I will laugh just like Alice
I am glad we have each other
That we are both rescued from Wonderland
Beyond the grasp of uncaring hands.
