Memory

I remember the first time 

I discovered my magic potion

How many years did it end up consuming me

Like watching my flesh disappear

Along with my soul 

For a while it made me happy

But now I remember the pain

The unthinking people who thought 

I wasn’t worth helping 

My body has many scars

They will never go away

But now when I look at it

Touch it, care for it

I feel softer towards myself 

I suppose it is a moment in time

That multiplied and morphed 

Lost its magic and wonder 

I am not sure how to fill the gap it has left

But I will learn

Turn that magic back on 

Feel like making more changes

My head and in my heart a rest

They so desperately need.

Memory

What do I remember?

Eating sugar doughnuts by the sea

Before I met you

Walking over green, pollen-thick, hills

Still searching for you

Listening to music in the dead of night

Lost before I found you

Being very afraid and not understanding why

So desperate for your friendship

Endless days of pain 

When even you wouldn’t have been able to reach me

Endless days of nothingness

When I wrote about you 

But didn’t fully believe in you

The moment I decided to stop

Lying cold on the bathroom floor

You reached out your hand

Like a flash of lightning 

And we finally connected 

What do I hope will become memory?

My hand in yours

In peaceful companionship 

Reading stories together 

Wrapped up warm

Living not existing

Or merely surviving

This I whisper out loud

Just being 

Here and now

Nothing remarkable except quiet contentment 

The act of being

Without pain 

With a sweetness on our lips 

Like the sugar that dusted those doughnuts

Sparking delightfully in our brain

Radiating warmth throughout our bodies. 

Memory

I do not remember 

Being small 

I say

In the middle of the night

That's funny

Alice giggles

I have always been small

And it suits me fine 

Do you remember falling 

Of course Little Cricket

I tumbled down 

The Rabbit hole 

Just like you

Except I am big 

And it is harder to run

When you are big 

Just ask mother 

She is small

And always running

Maybe we should 

Invite her to tea

Alice says

Always the optimist 

The cool air

Licks our ankles 

As the stars fade 

And the moon gets 

Ready to swap 

With the sun 

Perhaps there will be 

New memories

A different story to tell

We rest our head against the pillow 

Close our eyes

And dream.