The Silent Patient

I was not a silent patient

Whenever the men in suits came 

And locked me up

I screamed and banged

Let me out, let me out

Their eyes were vacant and uncaring 

As distant as the sirens that once escorted me there 

They used to watch me through glass

As I spiralled in my own darkness 

Caring for me remotely 

Except it wasn’t care 

Letting the cameras do the work 

I became a problem 

Not a person 

I have not forgotten 

I still dream, have nightmares, about all the places

I was detained against my will 

Now I am reaching a softer place

One of my own making 

I am still fighting 

But not against the chilly body of authority

I am fighting for my self, my life 

I am finding the light

And it is dazzling 

Rain drops falling as sweet as confetti 

Leaving traces of colour 

On my hair and face 

It is a wonder that I survived 

But I am glad that I did 

How else would I have known that life can be bliss 

And so I sing to myself 

Play sweet tunes 

Create for myself the playfulness of a childhood 

I never had 

I nurture myself to make up for the lack of maternal love 

Hear the bells chiming every Tuesday evening 

Breaking through the clouds 

Each ding a reminder of time lost 

And future and present time that has to be made to count

And so I may have screamed 

I had every right to 

But now I speak up for myself 

Form sentences and write them down 

I am no longer the patient 

I am me and I am free 

And how wonderful that feels. 

For Shay's Word Garden