I fill the escape bags with dirt
No wonder you can't run
She admonishes
From the top shelf
You won't be happy
Until we are all stuck here
Like little spiders
Stuck stuck sticky
In the sugar jar
Shh
I have to stay quiet
So nobody knows
Trust me
Everybody knows
Say cheese
Her finger mimics a
Camera
Click
Trick
Click
Sometimes it feels like my voice is blind
The thread
The web
A noose
Around my head
Gravel in my throat
Nightmares in my knees
She hums
Like the sun
An empty drum
Hardly an aubade
But I love you anyway
She blows a sticky kiss
I curl up
Wondering if molestation
Ever leaves
I grant you a pardon
Long may it be a royal one she giggles
I don't like the sword on my neck
I have to get out
Leave the house
She spins and twirls
This is not Alice
It is somebody else
A real person
A person I feel
But don’t remember
They were
Powerful
Inside
Impotent
Out
Get out
Get out
Whoever you are
If you insist she inhales
Maybe our lungs will burst
Like birthday balloons
She claps
She is back
Last straw
Crawling on the floor
A bedrock of Jurassic limestone
Everything preserved
Like moonlight in amber
Mass grave
Dog tooth
Only bones left to chew
Look at yourself
Look at yourself
This is who you are
Do your sorries
Say your good byes
I am cold
Learn to cry quietly
You fool
The milk is sour
Past its expiration
It calmly crawls back up
Until everything is empty
Inside
Out
My hand searches
Rests on the escape bag
Think your way out
She sings
It’s easy as pie
See
This is a nightmarish piece Jae. Little snapshots and hints from a horror story. Your captivating style of writing includes Alice as a foil so the reader chuckles with her antics and glosses over the pain.
ReplyDeleteThank you Old Egg - though i doubt for one minute you were fooled - or glossed over the painful bits - so from j..thank you
DeleteThis is so raw... How Alice came to save you in the end... Those ghosts from past are there to maim, to hurt. The nooze around the neck is a terrifying image.
ReplyDeleteThank you Bjorn - yes despite her limitations Alice is often a saving grace...thankfully
DeleteNot sure I followed all the twists and turns but loved so many lines especially Sometimes it feels like my voice is blind....
ReplyDeleteThank you thotpurge - not sure we fully understand all the twists and turns either ;)
Deleteyou are not digging a tunnel, are you? that would take too long a time. but yeah, looks like not a nice place to hang around. :)
ReplyDeleteMore of a hole - and definitely better places to hang around..even tunnels! Thank you ds
DeleteOh my God Jae this was riveting! Couldn't resist reading it twice :D
ReplyDeleteBeautifully penned.
Lots of love,
Sanaa
Thank you very much Sanaa - for one reading let alone two :)
Deleteit's impossible to escape when there's nightmare in knee and the escape bag is filled up with dirt..most of us are stuck in similar situation everywhere, and can't think the way out...
ReplyDeleteThank you Sumana - it certainly is hard to run..or move away from things when weighted down
DeleteOh I read a change niggling here....perhaps a glimmer you actually are moving even though feeling weighed down. I have felt stuck too...
ReplyDelete'Like little spiders
Stuck stuck sticky
In the sugar jar'
And these words describe it perfectly....
Donna@LivingFromHappiness
Thank you Donna...I hope too to look back at the jar not be in it anymore..much appreciated and glad you moved ;)
DeleteI think sometimes escape is just too hard even if we have a bag ready. Some memories haunt us no matter where we travel.
ReplyDeletedo your sorries
say your goodbyes
but, will it set you free I wonder?
A good question Truedessa - no - as a wise and knowing woman I encounter every so often says if you depart with the pain and in pain it will be forever with you...maybe that's the thing to say good bye to..quite how stumps me..thank you kindly
DeleteEasy for her to say....perhaps we have to learn to take care of where we are before we find the key, and are able to get out. A place for everything, everything in its' place? And then we know, perhaps it was all a dream....?
ReplyDeleteThank you Annell - put like that it seems like an achievable puzzle to work through...and to emerge the other side..and it fade like a dream would be the cherry in the cake...thank you kindly..and indeed easy for the little pipsqueak to say!
DeleteSo freaking intense... The playfulness of the tone makes it more terrifying.
ReplyDeleteThank you Magaly - although sorry to be terrifying....
DeleteDon't be sorry at all; I truly appreciate the value of any piece of writing that evokes strong emotions. :)
DeleteThank you...much appreciated
DeleteYes, a nightmare - I agree with Old Egg, the glimmers of a horror story woven through the poem, Alice taking on a rather unusually menacing tone at times...........wowzers. Is that a bunny or a bear up top? and is it one from your childhood that you still have?
ReplyDeleteCertainly not the best of days or dreams thank you Sherry - a new thing which made me feel like a very old child...and a little sad..although it's a gesture of love and care...that can be hard to shoulder sometimes when we feel out in the cold...
DeleteAh, Jae, I am glad that your voice is not blind! You write so beautifully metaphorically, Jae. You have a try talent for that.
ReplyDeleteThank you kindly Mary - if only it would translate to speaking then I may get somewhere! Thank you very much
Deletethough the dimensions waver in tangible and intangible, the wisdom at the end line is surly a wisdom of reality
ReplyDeleteNice one Jae, have a nice Sunday, thanks for dropping in at my Sunday Lime
much love...
Thank you Gillena A we like the idea of wavering dimensions - fits perfectly
DeleteA very wise man once said, "Pain is the shell that encompasses your understanding (The Prophet)." We must crack it open to allow our growth and understanding. One of the ways to do that is to learn gratefulness for what it comes to teach us. We write to get rid of it and when we do, it makes us the unique individuals we become. Instead of dragging that bag of dirt around with you, try planting the seeds of gratefulness in it, then sit back and enjoy the flower garden it will grow inside of you. Hugs to both of you today,
ReplyDeleteElizabeth
Thank you kindly Elizabeth...as ever a helpful comment - in so many ways...thank you...
DeleteNightmares in my knees -- brilliant phrase. Nicely done.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much Marilyn
Delete"This is not Alice
ReplyDeleteIt is somebody else
A real person
A person I feel
But don’t remember
They were
Powerful
Inside
Impotent
Out"
Nice!
Thank you!
DeleteYep,the only way out is to think your way out. You know I should write a book on how to survive by eating mangoes and saturating one's self in Matisse coloured thoughts. I have a feeling that climate, tropical fruit, rock pools and sea air is a contributory factor in the survival Stakes and also eliminating any horrible people in your life.Yep, that's right..the Christmas card list will be very short:)
ReplyDeleteThank you Rallentanda - I think you write that book every week on your blog but it pays to cover all bases - and christmas card lists - perhaps the most meaningful are necessarily short!
DeleteThat's a wonderful line about preserved in amber, stuck and kept in time. A nice metaphor and image for this poem.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much Matthew
Delete"nightmares in my knees" is such a powerful line! Wow! So evocative.
ReplyDeleteThank you kindly C.C.
DeleteA different meditation; the want and need to hide and yet still to want to seek and find a way to pleasantness.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I think our different voices try to fool us; ultimately we, who speak to ourselves will employ all the strategy we can to find the simplest of truths. And to let the molested visions vanish so we can take the false stuffing out of ourselves and be free.
Hugs, Jules. Thank you for your visit.
What a unique and insightful comment - thank you kindly Jules
DeleteIt is hard to move on when we are weighted down - though, it often forces us to become introspective and contemplate a way to take ourselves out of that "house".
ReplyDeleteYes - contemplation is good...decades of apathy and procrastination not so! How big a border that can be..thank you kindly Wendy
DeleteI like clearing, cleaning in the poem, the desire to go out....yes, we might need to throw away all 'dirt' which is not defined us anymore....me, working on this issue as well...bravo!
ReplyDeleteThank you humbird - yes, cleaning is good - so much easier in cleaning house not mind however...maybe the two are connected however in some small way - thank you kindly
Delete