We delve into twelve
There is lemon frosting on my toes
Delicious she says
Licking it up
Like medicine
Mixed in dirt
And powder
A crystal snow trail
I poured the unheard message down my back
It was warm
Like a kiss
But better
As clear as the moon
As hot as the sun
When the world ends
Which it will
She says
With great authority
Who am I to question
She has seen these winters
Many times before
I lie moaning
She larks about in sugar and candy
Not a care in the world
Except me
I think I am going overboard
I say to no one
As I grab the edge of the sink
Maybe I like the sink and fall of it
This misadventure I breathe
But nobody hears
I am too far past my life
And not waving but drowning.
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Thank you to Elizabeth at https://soulsmusic.wordpress.com/…/…/17/thinking-of-lucille/ for this Sunday challenge
Not Waving but Drowning
BY STEVIE SMITH
Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.
Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he’s dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
They said.
Oh, no no no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.
I wish you hadn't chosen such a sad poem Jae brilliant though you take on it is. I quite liked the poem in the example so went with that rather than choose another.
ReplyDeleteThank you Old Egg..i tried to think of something else...but it's one of my favourites..maybe i should have gone for the jabberwocky instead - Alice would have preferred that too!
DeleteFirst off, that little rhyme you put in the prompt comments is amazing! It combines nicely with this poem, Jae Rose, but makes me wonder whether this page is a poem/wave or a drowning? It is a macabre humor that it could be taken either way. But it is also excellent poetry--as usual--so I'm just going to delight in it and trust that if something non-speculative and creative is going on with you, that you will email me! Oh--is the dozen in the first stanze eggs or cupcakes or donuts? I love: "Maybe I like the sink and fall of it.
ReplyDeleteThank you Susan - it is probably all of the above - a kind of shopping list of j's mind (don't shop there!)..i think cupcakes however ;)
Deletelemon frosting on my toes.... so cool.. love all the image...there's a nice intensity to them... the fear of going overboard and the grabbing the edge of the sink...heck
ReplyDeleteThanks very much Claudia - heck indeed although there is another word that sounds similar which i prefer but is not so polite ;)
DeleteWho am I to question - Excellent line and one that makes you think of feeling little in such an ocean of life. Perhaps every question is important?
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment Alan - sheds a whole new light
Deleteyou still have the comfort of waves when everyone seems to be distant away. i like the meditative tone of this one Jae.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much Totomai...I'm glad it felt meditative
DeleteAh yes, the world will end some day....but meanwhile we have to enjoy the clearness of the moon and the heat of the sun and live through those long winters!
ReplyDeleteWe must we must! Thank you kindly Mary
Deleteperhaps the sink is a bit of an anchor you know, solid and firm and holding them down....interesting play off the other poem....makes me wonder a bit at the story beyond...
ReplyDeleteMaybe so Brian thank you - I'd rather be clutching a sink than a boat...and yes the original poem always makes me wonder at the story beyond
DeleteYou expressed the feeling of drowning very powerfully. You conveyed how helpless one feels when drowning, even if only metaphorically.
ReplyDeleteThank you Gabriella - for understanding
DeleteThere are several ways to interpret your words, hope, despair, a cry for help, inevitability. I like a poem that makes me sit back and think and this had just that effect. Stevie Smiths poem has spawned so many spin-offs, one of my favourites being the song by Clifford T Ward in which he sings the lines 'Now if you took a careful look,you might just see the horizon and me.And if you took another look
ReplyDeleteyou might discern my concern.I'm not waving I'm drowning.Why don't you save me?
It's no doubt all of those things...I haven't heard any of those spin offs...maybe that will be my weekly mission ..thank you Keith
DeleteThank you so much Jae, for joining in. I thought I might be the only one waving at the moon and drowning in her absence. Hope you realize that you are not too far past your life, you are here and still making these larking notes on all of it. And I am so grateful that you are...
ReplyDeleteElizabeth
Thank you Elizabeth...words are the anchor for sure..thank you for throwing me one today ...and for everything else
DeleteMuch enjoyed!
ReplyDeleteThank you Danny
Deletesometimes you will throw out a phrase that just knocks me for a loop - love love love this - I poured the unheard message down my back :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Dee - I think you spot the lines that are 'real' - you are of clever like that - as Alice might say ;)
DeleteI hope her back is now swathed with a soothing salve; and the need "to feel" to this depth, in this way, is assuaged. This one made my heart heavy, J.
ReplyDeleteThank you Kim - heart and skin a little heavy we will try to salve if not solve xo
DeletePlease do, dear one, please do.
DeleteOh Stevie Smith!! Love her, there is great movie movie about her called Stevie with Glenda Jackson playing her. But you really did excellent job with the words, especially using the last two lines.
ReplyDeleteAnd with my list of words I used for my poem, help yourself if you want to use them. I did think of you when I choose the words, figuring you would just love them.
http://thequietone.net/2015/01/17/white-rabbit/
Thank you Cathy...my motivation is at the bottom of the sea but I shall have a look at your precious words - thank you and for thinking of me
DeleteWow! A really powerful write Jae - does justice to the SS inspiration... Loved it! With Best Wishes Scott www.scotthastie.com
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Scott
DeleteI can feel the up and down of this, the not waving but drowning of it......paddle hard, my friend........your presence is a gift to we who know you, and who are privileged to read your words. You have such talent. Thanks for the link to Elizabeth's INCREDIBLE poem. From there I went to read Lucille Clifton's. Wow. I think I need to try a shapeshifter poem now.
ReplyDeleteI really love "When the world ends Which it will She says With great authority". I watched a scientific projection last night of a gi-normous volcanic tidal wave which at some point will wipe out the eastern seaboard and other places in the world. Yoiks. Hopefully not any century soon.
I think we will be safe for a while at least Sherry - thank you as always we will paddle as furiously as we can
DeleteI don't believe in the world's end...you know as long as we at the sea-crest and have our tastes and feelings with us, moving forward...
ReplyDeleteI think in a way that's true humbird..it changes but hopefully always keeps spinning...best wishes to you
DeleteThis was definitely one of the most provocative poems I've ever read.
ReplyDeleteThank you Kenn
DeleteTo fun, and the character in the poem is most intriguing.
ReplyDeleteFun would be good! Thank you Ambriel
DeleteInteresting...for me, this felt like someone dreaming and intoxicated and then suddenly...oh those spins...bah... Descriptive!
ReplyDeleteIt was exactly that...thank you Hannah
Deletekind of sensual.
ReplyDeleteThank you GL
DeleteOur sense of what the world should be can end, but the world itself is pretty long-lived and hard to destroy.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it just (as Alice might say) - maybe secretly j is thankful for that...thank you Ann
DeleteI love Stevie Smith. She is so droll. A bit like Jean Rhys. Bleak times and then one is allowed a little ray of sunshine to sustain us for a little while before the need to hang on to the sink again.
ReplyDeleteThank you Cressida...I live near where Jean Rhys ended her days..it is bleak...you have to find your bright and shiny somehow ;)
DeleteYour poem is so full of mind teasers. I love it. You weave your words in a way that goes beyond the conscious, to a deeper place. You touch something within. That's very special. I really appreciate your writing. It's delicious.
ReplyDeleteThank you Myrna - what a delicious comment
DeleteMy response is sadness. Yes, it is true, he wasn't waving, and he did drown. Left only sadness in his wake. He knew so much about the sea, came to it when he was very young, all that he was was lost, a sunny day...there seemed no need to drown...but who can say after all. Still young, only 52......
ReplyDeleteThank you Annell...sadness is justified when drowning seems unnecessary
DeleteI admire the sensuality of these lines:
ReplyDeleteLike a kiss
But better
As clear as the moon
As hot as the sun
The ending is poignant to me with the drowning ~ Thanks for the notes too ~
Thank you very much Grace - greatly appreciated
DeleteThank you Loredana...we certainly imbibe equal measures of each ;)
ReplyDelete