Sunday, 11 January 2015

Captured

Drips from the roof are plopping into the back door
The view above the sink is excessively drear 
Beyond the dank garden are the ruined walls 
The ploughed fields stretch to the leaden sky
I tell myself that rain is good
That at any moment spring will smile on us
I try to see leaves on the trees 
Filled with sunlight
The more green and gold
The more drained of all colour 
The twilight seems

It is comforting to look away from the window
Towards the kitchen fire
I am no beauty
I remark to Rose 
That our situation is romantic

Two girls in this strange and lonely house 

Our home is an unreasonable place to live 
Yet I love it

I can see more time ahead of me than I do now

I wish I knew a way to make words flow out of father
He brandished the cake knife so menacingly 
Was sent to prison for three months.


I wrote this for Dverse edited from I Capture The Castle by Dodie Smith - but missed the deadline...but a surge became a smile for poetry pantry :)


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36 comments:

  1. Mary11 January 2015 at 05:12

    I wait as well for spring to smile on me; and, ha, if I squint my eyes enough I can almost imagine those leaves on the trees. Alas, we will have to wait a few months yet. Sigh.

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    1. Jae Rose11 January 2015 at 05:57

      It seems long but hopefully it will be here in a flash..thanks Mary

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  2. vivinfrance11 January 2015 at 05:38

    I loved that book, and have read it several times. I couldn't find your wordle poem.

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    1. Jae Rose11 January 2015 at 05:56

      Thanks Viv - it's the second link on the Sunday whirl!

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  3. Susan11 January 2015 at 06:04

    I don't know the book, but I love the poem and the comfort of the home's unreason, especially in teh absence of the father. To be captured thus can be a respite as well, I think.

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    1. Jae Rose11 January 2015 at 10:34

      Thank you Susan - you may enjoy the book..it's quite gentle to read

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  4. Brian Miller11 January 2015 at 06:07

    you def put us right there....nice atmospheric touches like the draining of all color....and there will come a time when i think we all wonder if spring will ever come again...i am not there yet, i still want to see snow.....the last stanza feels like a quick turn, but it got my attention...

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    1. Jae Rose11 January 2015 at 10:35

      Thanks very much Brian...I think we all wait in the sink for spring ;)

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  5. rallentanda11 January 2015 at 06:09

    I have not read the book but have the DVD which I enjoyed. Your Spring means Autumn for us so I hope it does not come quickly at all:)

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    1. Jae Rose11 January 2015 at 10:35

      Of course we are upside down here! In so many ways ;) thas very much Rallentanda

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  6. brudberg11 January 2015 at 06:48

    Spring is still so far away, so I have not begun to even look for signs.. Still lots of candles to burn to get by.

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    1. Jae Rose11 January 2015 at 10:36

      Candles and fairy lights are very welcome indeed...thank you Bjorn

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  7. Sherry Blue Sky11 January 2015 at 09:10

    I really like this little vignette. "Our home is an unreasonable place to live yet I love it." You created a cool scene with this, Jae Rose. I love the description of the scene through the window. Love "excessively drear".

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    1. Jae Rose11 January 2015 at 10:37

      Thank you very much Sherry - I can't claim excessively drear - that's Dodie's

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  8. Old Egg11 January 2015 at 12:36

    Yippee! A change of style and what a story Jae. If I wasn't so cross with Alice I would clap my sticky hands just like her. This is magnificent.

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    1. Jae Rose11 January 2015 at 13:29

      Thank you very much Old Egg it was fun to write something different!

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  9. humbird11 January 2015 at 13:05

    Captured well...me too...looking forward to warmth....just another 1.5 months....

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    1. Jae Rose11 January 2015 at 13:34

      Thank you kindly Humbird..let's hope it flies by xo

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  10. Stacy M.S.11 January 2015 at 14:29

    i love this...so many images that remind me of the 'everyday.' wanting the rain to leave, waiting for the spring, the small but meaningful moments...

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    1. Jae Rose12 January 2015 at 04:02

      The most important ones perhaps? Thank you kindly Stacy

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  11. ZQ11 January 2015 at 15:14

    Nice piece. Thanks!
    ZQ

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  12. Grace11 January 2015 at 16:40

    I enjoyed the narrative very much ~ I too look forward to the colors of spring ~ Have a good week Jae ~

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    1. Jae Rose12 January 2015 at 04:03

      Thank you kindly Grace...have a very good week too

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  13. PT12 January 2015 at 03:33

    I tell myself that rain is good
    That at any moment spring will smile on us
    I try to see leaves on the trees
    Filled with sunlight

    a bright optimistic thought...with full of hope...

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    1. Jae Rose12 January 2015 at 04:04

      Thank you PT...now to put it into practice!

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  14. Anonymous12 January 2015 at 05:02

    The warm homely atmosphere is created from the beginning, which is relegated to the background with those last few lines. Interesting and vivid read. Well-penned.
    -HA

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    1. Jae Rose12 January 2015 at 05:07

      Thank you HA...I think it is a warm home - sadly not mine - maybe the last lines are closer to that

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  15. totomai12 January 2015 at 06:21

    no matter what, it is your home. we find beauty in every corner.
    i like how the poem shifts from daydreaming to reality.

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    1. Jae Rose12 January 2015 at 09:40

      Thank you kindly Totomai...we often make that shift ;) trouble is we forget which is which!

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  16. Jae Rose13 January 2015 at 00:18

    Thank you very much Loredana

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  17. Rosemary Nissen-Wade13 January 2015 at 14:37

    A great story you tell, with the surprise ending. I remember loving that book long, long ago; would like to hunt it up and re-read now.

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  18. Rosemary Nissen-Wade13 January 2015 at 14:38

    PS Very wet here too - but for us it's part of our summer this year.

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    1. Jae Rose13 January 2015 at 18:36

      Thank you kindly Rosemary...the opening sentence is brilliant..remember using it on another prompt site before and that's how i discovered the book...rain and hail here mind you our weather is rarely season specific ;)

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  19. Gen Giggles 13 January 2015 at 17:14

    The first two stanzas remind me of Seamus Heaney. A great poem Jea Rose my favorite of yours so far.

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    1. Jae Rose13 January 2015 at 18:38

      Thanks very much GL - what a kind compliment - and glad you enjoyed!

      Delete

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