Wishes

I kiss my wishes silently
Under the covers
As the bell rings again
False alarm
As usual
No sleep
Silently wishing
In the dark
As usual
For this to be over
Although every wasted day
Makes me sick
Like empty birthday cake
They hold me
Choke hold
Me
Laugh
Whisper
Whittle me down to
Nothing
Small as Alice
After taking a sip and a bite
There is no cherry bakewell
Or jam sponge
No sweet elixir
Just a poison
That turns distraught
Into an empty smile
We must regulate
We must renounce
Who we are
At the door
So that our absence becomes unnoticed
As habitual as the abuse
As the words that cannot be spoken in reply
How I wish I had swallowed them
All
How I wish I had run
Now I am deeply distressed
Agitated
I cannot move under the weight of what is
I must accept it plainly
Plainly as a burnt face
I must smile
At the soul exterminators
As they strip me down
I kiss my wishes silently
Under the covers
How I wish
How I wish

The lips of the righteous know what is fitting
I wipe my hands clean as I enter the special room
Ready to be received
Into the flames.