Do Not Disturb

The phone hurts. More than the purple on my foot. More than the red and yellow. I would like to pull the wires. But if I pull the wires the door shakes. And the door hurts more than the phone. Funny. How you can be nothing. But pursued. Like there’s no tomorrow. So I will answer. I will put on the clean trousers. The ironed shirt. I will answer. The questions. I will be everything you need to me to be. Then I will close the door. Kiss the wedge. Breathe in the silence. The wonder of being nothing. Sink into Alice. Love her (no one believes I can love). I thought I had covered all bases. Doused my body. Do not disturb. But still people. Strangers. Knock. Ring. Disturb. And I want nothing. And I am nothing. And I want to finish breaking the phone. Crumble the plastic. Eat it. It is only a matter of days now. When Alice will be taken from me. When you will be taken away with her. When the gun and the cupboard becomes a smile. And a thank you for your help. You knew. Didn’t you. When you carried my bags. You knew. And I can’t swallow at that thought. That you knew. I have the same bags. There is more dust on them now. They are more worn from the powder. And I can’t carry them because I am worn from the powder. I am more worn from the powder. The powder you gave me like birthday cakes. And I wish you were here. And I wish you weren’t in Alice. I wish we were still pulling each other’s skin in the cupboard. Leaving bruises. Hurt. Like cold feet. Hurt. Like hunger. Hurt. We love and chase. Like rabbit. And I wish more than anything that I could be left alone with you. That I will no longer be disturbed. Like there’s no tomorrow.