There is a black box
Screwed to the front wall
We cannot be trusted with locks and keys
No one dare see us
Touch us
Feel us
But they can get us
After
Never before
The black box is not a safe box
The safe box is under my pillow
Tucked away with dolly and bear
Casually
Carefully
It is mummy’s helper
Mummy’s box of safe
But I am not mummy
Mummy is there on the little seat watching
watching watching
powder dust ashes and apples
none of it makes her care
Every little detail of nothing
Sticks
The black box
Does not say how far I am gone
It is for grown ups not dolly and bear
But I am grown up
Grown down
Resting flat on filthy sheets
You really are doing so well
thank you thank you
wrap it up to take away
powder dust ashes and apples
all fall down
are you hungry she asks
no. I am empty
I say.
"I am empty."...
ReplyDeleteThese are perhaps the saddest words written.
You write compellingly here, Jae, allowing us a glimpse into the want and need, the lack. Well done.
"But I am grown up/Grown down." Almost feels like ground down, like pepper or oxycontin, choose your weapon. There's a lot of mom in this poem, her control. The black box, perfect image, Jae. Once again, startlingly stark and courageous. Love, Amy
ReplyDeletehttp://sharplittlepencil.com/2012/07/27/bleed-warning-precedes-poem/
Wow, the power in this piece, but especially those last three lines struck me.
ReplyDeleteThis is constructed so well! You lead the reader on so compellingly. The repetition of "powder, dust, ashes and apples" is haunting! And that ending...WOW!
ReplyDeleteHow all your readers will want to take that image from your mind. Perhaps it helps to write the words but the emptiness remains. Your writing is not just words but stabs that really hurt.
ReplyDeletewow powerful
ReplyDeleteThank you very much Kim..
ReplyDeleteThank you very much Amy..definite mother issues..or lack of mother issues at least..
Thank you Ben..
Thank you Linda..Oranges and Lemons..must have seeped into my noodle with all the brouhaha in London..
Writing definitely helps OldEgg..thank you..hopefully not too much hurt is transferred..
Thanks Becca..
Really powerful and authoritative piece ... good one :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks Green Speck..
ReplyDeleteAmazing!!! Do you know?? What a wonderful piece? The words chosen are like a map to nowhere, everywhere. Wonderful and horrible images woven together in a beautiful, stunning blanket. Just the words "black box" so full of images, tagging behind, like the tail of a kite or confietti falling on a parade of words!
ReplyDeleteThank you Annell..my guiding kite in the desert.. x
ReplyDeleteYour distinct style is compelling.....symbolism and courage abound.....poignant piece...
ReplyDeleteThe contrast in this piece is what drives your words, the contrast between the deadness of the ashes and the apple seems to echo the contrast of the stark black box and the softness of the child's toys, and the contrast between the grownup and the child.
ReplyDeleteStark, powerful, shattering in it's final pronouncement of truth... so Jae Rose, and excellent!
ReplyDeleteThe black box seems mysterious and foreboding, but also useless because it can't keep anything safe. Life is kind of like that black box: there is much we don't know and safety is just wishful thinking.
ReplyDeleteThe grown up/grown down dichotomy made me think of all those expectations others have for us, all those social definitions of adulthood. When we reject them, we are seen as a child, as if we have no right to own our adulthood and our truth.
Lots of good stuff here as always.
living and loving are like black boxes. it could be full, it could be empty depending on the situation you are in. great piece
ReplyDeleteThank you Joanne..and for following..
ReplyDeleteThank you very much Abigail..hadn't thought of the hard/soft aspect..very good to see you back on Sunday Scribblings..
Thank you Josie..she's a wilful little voice..j.. ;)
Thank you (as always) Ann..nothing is safe that's for sure..i always find it strange that when 'you' push the boundaries of grown-up behaviour you get demoted to being an out of control child..a spiralling toy plane..whilst in your head you're a big old fighter pilot..
That's a good thought totamai..thank you..
It has been a while. I kinda fell off the radar for several months. Came to return your visit, forgetting the absolute skill and power of your words. You have the ability to move your reader, especially into places she didn't know she'd rather not go. And that, my friend, is truly a gift. You take my breath away, once again. Powerful and haunting,
ReplyDeleteElizabeth
By my desk are the words you sent when i first started doing this..writing through the darkness..i keep those words safe...thank you Elizabeth..
ReplyDeleteJae, there are so many bits of pain in these words. You express yourself so casually and I always wish for more fulfillment and hope at the end of your stories, but I always feel so fulfilled myself. That's terrible, I know, but you are so artistic in such a nonchalant way.
ReplyDeleteA hug for you~I hope your week is starting off well.
Not terrible at all Archna..nonchalant is a refreshing describer..thank you kindly..
ReplyDeleteHungry and empty...interesting to think about the difference or similarity, as the case may be. We all struggle to be filled up, I think, with something......or anything sometimes. Your well chosen words always make me think! I am so glad you write, Jae.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you read as well - thank you Mary
ReplyDelete