Wednesday, 17 August 2011

The Dolly's Head

The dolly’s head lies under the car. A red flower by its crown. There are no signs of viable life. I check. That is what I used to do. Check for life. I think all that checking left tyre marks on my head. My face. Like the dolly. Squashed. No longer a loveable little thing for you to hold. They are working on something. I can feel. I pass by. Mute. Without consequence. They are not working on me. It is harder than you think. To become lost. It requires motivation. Co-ordination. Execution. When they keep knocking on your door there is still a chance. I set my eyes high up in my dolly’s skull and pretend I am no longer waiting. Put my body back into filthy clothes. Hang the outside clothes up for tomorrow. Baby’s best. Line up the metal flowers. Plant them. Try to ignore the day running out. Knowing I will be at the window again. Choking. Gasping for breath I don’t even want to own. Breathing makes your heart beat and when your heart beats your head thinks and when your head thinks you understand that you will be tidied up in minutes. And my head is so full it is empty. And I long to be that dolly. Separate from its body. Rolling in the road. A little flower by my temple. A little hand for me to hold.
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26 comments:

  1. Roan17 August 2011 at 05:25

    Love the line, "And my head is so full it is empty." Interesting read. Very well written.

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  2. annell417 August 2011 at 05:51

    Is she looking for the dolly? Does she know the head is under the car. I see her looking, with her chubby little white legs pumping up and down.

    Even though the doll is squashed, and thought to be unloveable, she is mine, and I want her. The child thinks all it takes is love. I've never known a child to love a dolly, because of how it looks. She plays with it to death.

    Yes, it is hard to become lost, but it is said," we like to, because it feels so good to return home?"

    "Baby best." I love!

    Have you noticed how hard it is to own a breath? We get it, we think it is ours and it is forced from our body. Yes, I think she does long for that dolly. The "doll" is an object of affection for a child, a sacred thing. xoxoxoxoxo

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  3. Deborah17 August 2011 at 06:19

    'And my head is so full it is empty' ... brilliant Jae.

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  4. Shauna17 August 2011 at 06:46

    your poem is heartbreaking jaerose. I am
    simply stunned as the effect you words
    have had on me - Ty.

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  5. Jae Rose17 August 2011 at 07:14

    Thank you Roan..

    Playing to death..I think there's a story to hang upon that line Annell..dolly's can be scary too..teddy bear fluff is much more yielding than doll plastic..warmer..thank you x

    Thank you Deborah..

    Jae

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  6. Jae Rose17 August 2011 at 07:14

    Thank you Shauna..Jae

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  7. Scribbler17 August 2011 at 07:19

    "Gasping for breath I don't even want to own" - haunting and inspired. The whole piece is delicate, fragile, and absolutely delicious to read.

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  8. Jae Rose17 August 2011 at 07:21

    Thanks Scribbler..Jae

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  9. Daydreamer17 August 2011 at 08:58

    I somtimes think, I wish I had an 'off' switch for my brain or, that I could unscrew my head and put it on a shelf somewhere so that I could take a break from... me. That's what this reminds me of, you're stuck inside your head and sometimes you don't want to be there.
    It's so deep on many levels of thought and just as lovely for it, too.
    At times your thoughts amaze me. You are a queen of this craft of writing, for sure.

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  10. Sheilagh Lee17 August 2011 at 08:58

    Are they dead or wanting to be dead I'm just not sure. either way a powerful piece.

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  11. Jae Rose17 August 2011 at 09:03

    Thank you Daydreamer..we should all be fitted we an off switch shouldn't we (although granted it's hard to know if the vast majority of the world is 'on')..

    Thanks Sheilagh - either or is the right place I think..

    Jae

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  12. laurie kolp17 August 2011 at 10:07

    Strong, powerful images... sad. I especially like:

    And my head is so full it is empty

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  13. Unknown17 August 2011 at 10:18

    Breathing makes your heart beat and when your heart beats your head thinks and when your head thinks you understand...

    this piece illuminates the challenges inherent to understanding and change. Well done, Jae.

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  14. Susannah17 August 2011 at 13:08

    "Gasping for breath I don’t even want to own."

    "It is harder than you think. To become lost. It requires motivation. Co-ordination. Execution."

    Wonderful writing Jae!

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  15. Old Egg17 August 2011 at 16:13

    Your writing is certainly developing into prose that your readers can relate to in its complexity. You have a wonderful gift of eliciting profound emotions that spark memories in us all. You touch us deeply.

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  16. Alice Audrey17 August 2011 at 22:43

    I've been feeling a bit squished myself lately, but I don't want to be a dolly in the road.

    This is great. :)

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  17. Jae Rose18 August 2011 at 05:34

    Thank you Laurie..

    Thanks Kim..I hadn't seen it in that light..

    Thank you Susannah..

    Thank you Old Egg.. :)

    No, it's not the best place to be Alice..hope you are de-squishing..

    Jae

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  18. glnroz18 August 2011 at 06:34

    ,,at the window; so, what do you think, Ms jae rose?

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  19. Anonymous18 August 2011 at 17:40

    Jae...I have felt like that dolly...and I have felt like wanting to be that dolly. Well written emotion. <3

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  20. Anonymous18 August 2011 at 21:57

    The part after "breathing makes your heart beat..." is so familiar to me! And the dolly, feeling like you should check your OWN head for tread marks? Yeah, babe... NOW who needs the palette-cleansing, friendly poetry? LOL I love you for all the things you are and all the things you are on your way to becoming. Amy
    http://sharplittlepencil.wordpress.com/2011/08/19/three-prompts-three-poems/

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  21. Mary19 August 2011 at 04:18

    Jaerose, this writing took my breath away. I wasn't sure who to identify with - the "dolly" or the "I". Both, probably. I agree with Annell, children do not play with dolls because of how they look. Some favorites are old and worn and still loved.

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  22. Altonian19 August 2011 at 05:30

    I can relate to a head being so full it feels empty. It's a case of thinking so hard, and knowing that there is so much to be done, that one ends up doing nothing.

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  23. Convert Afghan Afghani To Bermuda Dollar19 August 2011 at 23:04

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  24. Dee Martin20 August 2011 at 10:36

    your writing always draws the reader in and then sends them off on thought tangents of their own...it seems deeply personal to you and yet it says something to everyone. I read this and see myself in it. I have been this person lately.

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  25. Jae Rose24 August 2011 at 05:06

    Thanks to all who have left comments - apologies for the late thank you..much appreciate you stopping by..Jae

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  26. Sherry Blue Sky29 August 2011 at 09:46

    This poem took my breath away too. And it is the untold story behind the poem, one senses. I was especially riveted by the final few lines........"a little hand for me to hold". Wow. Powerful writing!

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