She stands in front of the mirror and thinks the hardest thing to love is myself. I am this body. This head full of bouncing beans. I am these eyes that have witnessed, forgotten and imagined. I am me. Yet me is so far away. Tucked up in old clothes thrown away. Bags used and hidden. Food eaten and digested. Places been. Places stuck in. Places yet to go.
She looks sad. I am guilty of not loving enough. Of loving too much. Of being scared of love. Of not even noticing love if it passes me by (or letting it touch me). It is as if I repel every good thing and sink myself in the mud she thinks.
However dark. However many times I walk up and down by the water with the carrier bag and the tin. Scared and running. Love will always be there. I just have to take it in my arms and mould it to my flesh.
Love can save me she says to herself. And then whispers : but only if I let it.
Such a good piece and the ending ... And then whispers : but only if I let it, oooh, I do like that, wonderfully written!
ReplyDeletean act of will and faith....well said Jae Rose!
ReplyDeleteThank you Sandra and Deborah..Jae :)
ReplyDelete"I am this body. This head full of bouncing beans. I am these eyes that have witnessed, forgotten and imagined. I am me. Yet me is so far away."
ReplyDeleteI particularly liked the words above, nice writing Jae!
Oh, your complicated characters Jae Rose (hopefully not a mirror image of yourself)! Trusting and giving and committing seems to be the problems with this one. All her mistakes in the past haunt her now and she is just not brave enough to believe that all relationships are not the same.
ReplyDeleteWhy is it your writing pricks the heart of your readers with an impotence because we can't reach out to help the wounded you write about?
Thank you Old Egg..Jae
ReplyDeleteI identify with that second paragraph. That last sentence sums it all up so well. You are right. But doing it is sometimes not quite as easy as saying it and believing it....unfortunately eh.
ReplyDeleteAll your words here are edible, ingestible. Easily. Tucked up in old clothes... carrier bag and tin... Scared and running... I eat them and know this saving business and it makes me smile.
ReplyDeletesuch a gentle wounded little soul, this one. I want to hug her...
ReplyDelete