Dear Body

Dear Body,

I have not been kind to you 

I have punished you and pushed you to your limits 

I have made you step right to the edge

Left you damaged and scarred 

Made you feel untold pain and left you in the harsh hands of other people 

Uncaring people who magnified the hurt 

I am sorry, I truly am 

I regret how much I have hurt you 

How I have made life more painful as we enter the third chapter of our life

I will try to take better care of you now that I have woken up 

I will soothe you with creams

Touch you softly 

Only expose you to gentle hands 

Hold you in my own arms

A hug that only we can share 

When I look in the mirror 

If I do look in the mirror 

I do not not always see you

I certainly don’t remember a before 

There are photographs 

But I cannot look 

I have always struggled to like you

To feel connected to you 

Perhaps that is the way I am made 

But it wasn’t good for you 

It meant I neglected you 

Took you for granted 

Now is the time to reconvene 

To get to know each other, perhaps for the first time

I will move you gently 

I will take care of you so that you can guide us into happier days 

Perhaps most of all I will learn to love you 

You are after all the only body I will ever have 

I should have known that many years ago 

But then I wasn’t thinking 

I didn’t think we would be alive this long

I sincerely hope you will in some way recover 

That with love and care you will reach a stage of healing 

Of no more damage 

I promise to look after you from here on in 

Just as you have looked after me 

Kept on going despite the odds

So thank you and with all my love and apologies 

Dear body, stay with me. 

Overcoming

Alice is overcome with glee

She claps her hands and twirls on the spot 

We are slowing understanding the world

The obstacles it lays out for us

Like a grand awakening

Things that were in shadow 

Begin to become clear

Words we never understood 

Faces we could not read 

Actions which scared us 

Noises and light 

We lie on our bed with the pink blanket over us

Take deep breaths

Shut our eyes

But we are no longer hiding

We are coping with the problems thrown up to us 

Shutting down naturally

Not with chemicals 

It is a work in action 

But movement is good 

Like an old, brown rocking chair 

Nestled by a fire

With a pile of books beside it 

She chews on her toast

Did you know autumn is coming, she delights 

Raises a sticky hand coated in jam in the air

Happy as a child should be 

Perhaps overcoming can be both fleeting and lasting

There are moments of happiness

And then the bigger battles won 

There will be new ones as well 

Life is ever-changing 

What you think you have conquered 

Can rear its head again but in a different way 

Now we write everything down

All the worries and fears

If we make them physical they seem less big 

Hardly take up a page of paper

We have a lot of lists, she giggles 

I prefer just marching on, she trills 

But I know she is not mocking me 

We have both found our own ways 

Neither right or wrong

Just ours

We enjoy the early morning quiet 

When the traffic is still and the building asleep 

Today there will be things to overcome 

But with her hand in mine 

And a song in my head 

I will take the day on and be proud of what we have done. 

Aardvark

What is the first word you learnt, I ask her

She is standing on tippy toes by the window

She thinks for a moment 

Looking out, waiting for when the doorbell might ring 

‘Aardvark’ she proceeds obediently 

And claps her hands in glee

I smile too, sheepishly jolly 

All too keen to share a joke

Our breath steams up the glass

Two souls breathing 

Exhaling the tedium 

Inhaling the new

Wouldn’t it be good if words were pennies

Then we would be billionaires 

Her smile widens 

Think of all the tea and cake 

And we could travel around the globe

Or dabble in antiques 

How curious she declares 

We take a moment to ponder the possibilities 

But I am glad that we can 

That we are no longer attached to the bed

In a fit of the vapours and under the spell of malaise 

She hums a tune

Sweet music fills the air 

Her gentle soul and spirit of adventure 

Aardvark I whisper to myself 

I expect the first word I learnt was slightly different

But I do not remember, perhaps don’t want to 

I am happier with her, in our world 

It has its own kind of magic and safety 

All wrapped up in inky pages

An unfolding text of story 

Chalky underfoot not marble or porcelain 

A little rough to touch 

A journey with many dents and holes 

The doorbell never rings of course

We do not expect visitors 

But I am glad that she watches 

It is a gesture of possibility 

When the sun rises we will walk 

Feel the sky on our faces 

Glad to welcome in another day 

To learn the next word and the next

To keep moving forward and keep learning how to smile. 

Feathered

We sit on the tilt of the window frame 

The wind blows 

The leaves fall off the tree

They are blown and feathered 

Lining the ugly concrete 

We would like to gather them up

Keep them safe somewhere

Like stray pennies

A reminder of all the time we have watched them

Change form green to brown 

Well attached to the tree then fallen 

Now the branches are beginning to look bare 

Old as bones 

But strong, fixed to the ground 

Surrounded by earth and stones 

They are like friends 

Not strangers

They have decorated our world for many years 

They fall like words 

Crispy and certain on a white cotton page 

We scratch our head

A new day is beginning 

A new poem and yet the same view 

Out of the window 

Over to the hills

A place we have never explored

We savour the early morning hours

When it is still and peaceful

When all we can hear is birds

And the movement of nature

We drink tea

Eat crunchy toast 

Wash our faces 

And finally feel ready to venture past our view

To make our world

Just a little bit bigger

We smile as the sun rises
And the sky turns blue

Pull on our socks and shoes 

Ready for an adventure. 

Breaking Free

Breaking free is not a single moment

Not like an axe striking through a lock
It is a process
A learning and a journey 
Perhaps there is a moment when you contemplate breaking free
A spark of electricity, a clear thought 
And in that moment you do strike 
But something has to come afterwards, to keep moving forwards 
To become unbound and feel the freedom beneath your feet 
There are many things that bind us
They gather up in a tangle 
Like tumbleweed 
Get stuck in your hair and on your clothes
Difficult to shake off 
We are an amalgam of all the things that bind us 
A mosaic of worries, fears and habits 
But we can re-paint the picture 
Take apart the pieces and draw something new 
A clear sky and calm sea 
A place of safety, a refuge from the storm 
We are glad to be in the process of breaking free
There are moments when the tangles re-appear 
When we get a little stuck 
But we are not completely held down 
There is still room for movement 
A shake of a hand or a foot 
The momentum of wanting something more
The journey is unknown and grand 
But we have made a start
We will stop for tea and cake 
Find pleasure in the voyage
Chip away at the lock
And in time fashion our own key 
Cast the chains aside. 

August

We go for our morning walk 

Early before the sun gets too hot

Although the clouds are heavy with rain today

Thick and plump, like berries

We have not seen many butterflies or bees this summer

Perhaps there was not enough sunshine

Or the flowers and trees are failing in their roots

We look ahead, to the hills

Wish we could take off our shoes

And walk bare foot in the grass

Feel the dew beneath our toes

Mother Nature’s tears 

When we were young 

The summers were long

We don’t remember rain or grey skies

Just running off alone 

Into our imagination 

We could entertain ourselves for hours 

Nothing more than sticks or stones in our hands

Perhaps we would ride our bikes

Pretend to journey further

Far off to a magical land

A safe place

How wonderful that would have been 

How little of the world we have seen

We never thought we would end up 

Where we began 

It isn’t really home 

Home is a feeling inside your head 

But our books and windows make us feel safe

We do not walk far

Joints aching and stiff 

But more supple than the time we were curled up in bed

Lost in a haze

We would like to see the sun again

Before autumn is upon us 

Though we like cooler skies 

Refreshing winds and cool rain on our cheeks 

August is almost at an end 

How quickly it has passed 

Almost without mention 

Until we picked up our pen

And gave it some thought 

August is a good month whispers Alice

And I smile at her and agree

Hoping September is on our doorstep 

And the year keeps marching on. 

Full Dark, No Stars

Last night there was a full moon

Before it came there was full dark, no stars

We waited for the moon as the night faded 

Tucked away in our hidey-hole 

Looking overhead 

Wishing on the stars that anything could be possible 

Alice looked pretty in her fresh blue dress

She said she wanted to match the full, blue moon 

We sipped lemonade, flicked through magazines

Looking at the pretty pictures

All the things we will never have 

Funny, it did not make us mournful 

All the pictures are pretend 

A snapshot of a story

Like an eclipse, look away and you will miss it

Although the crows will scream and flee 

She gingerly crosses one ankle over another 

Gazes up, through the curtains, past the oak tree

They say the blue moon is a once in a lifetime experience 

Like a wedding but without the get out clause 

It will leave a fog the following day 

The skies will be hazy, brushed and tarnished

Perhaps a little wounded 

The minutes tick on, our eyes become sleepy 

Heavy and thick with sleep 

As if we have ingested a potion 

We sat and looked at the sky for some time 

But soon our muscles ached and we craved our bed

And so we lay down 

With the curtains open, of course

The blue moon came and went 

We did not see it 

Perhaps today it will be in a photograph

We will go for our walk 

Look in the shops, see the pictures in the newspapers

With all the other stories that flummox us 

We are glad we tried to see the blue moon 

Glad that before we had full dark, no stars

We like the dark and tonight the stars will return 

For now we wait for the sun 

The clouds to shuffle, the rain to pour 

Another night passing into day 

Handing over the baton in a race we will take at our own speed 

And most importantly in our own way. 

For Shay’s Word Garden