Mine

Do you have a coat of colour 

She asks

Checking off what seems to be

An obituary list

I have nothing in colour

Aside from me

She taps her pencil

I am blue

Of course

Like the sea

And apple pies

I don’t question the pies

Or the sweet cherry flies

She is busy 

Plotting

Planning

Preparing

Better than being I suppose

She collapsed on the side line

Nobody saw

The letters 

Fell like wire rain

Of course nobody saw

She gets a little cross

When I am both placid and fixed

Words paper the cracks

They do not fill the holes 

Devil dust and sugar

Mixed up in a bowl

Home comforts

I wonder what that is

We all know

You paper the cracks 

And you fill the holes

Maybe you should look more closely 

See what is mended fixed and patched 

Now do be quiet

I hang my head

A single twist of salt can kill

When placed in a fragile wound

Fixed filled patched

I need something

Now

Now

Now

Something more

Robust

Wrenching

Resonant

She puts her pencil down

Looks at me softly

I always get lost in her eyes

They are 

Sea

Moon

Stars 

Dust

Sugar

Mine

When it comes

And we all know it will

What colour would you like it to be

Blue 

Of course

It would be like having you 

She pauses

You know I can’t come too

Yes

She snuggles in my shoulder

Sprinkles pretend fairy dust in my hair

Then blue it shall be

And I will stay

Until I know that you are 

Quiet and still

Thank you 

I say

Holding her tiny hand

For a single moment 

Nothing hurts

I have something here

Blue

Sky 

Clouds

Rain

Bright

Shiny

Mine

For a single moment

Nothing hurts

And I understand

There can be peace in being.

Unravel

She plays in the night

Whirling

Swirling 

Molecules

In our tea 

Fire in the hold

Shouts spider to the crow

Why are you a pirate

I ask

Because we are all at sea

Silly

Go back to sleep

I have to find land

Wonderland

She giggles and burps

I can’t begrudge her

Flight away from this

I roll over

Be sure to find the sun

Aye, aye captain

You learnt a new emotion

Sigh

I can’t 

Sleep

Speak

Only hammer

Black nails in the coffin 

One by one

Pull my hair

Like I did

In the room with no handles

If I pull hard enough

My existence will unravel

Cobbles and stones

Uneven terrain

It has already unravelled

Hit the gravel

Bang the gavel

She babbles

She is curled up on the bed 

Tired

Hair sticky stuck to her head

On the fringe

Clumsy

Rum barrelled 

Falling

Out to sea

Perhaps in the morning 

I will sound the alarm

Please do she croaks

No longer able to beg

I touch her poppy finger nails

Too many nights

Picking 

Worrying 

Wearing out 

Our 

Skin

Skein

Where to begin

If we pull

What will we lose

Look around

There is nothing

We are all make believe

Invisible

Buzz buzz

Electric current

No wasps or cakes or tea

Me

I chew my fingers

Think

There is a file 

Thick as butter

Broken bricks

Letters and words

None of it describes 

You and me

Land ahoy 

She mumbles

We 

Sink sink sink

Into dreams.

Given

Do you think in circles or lines

Spirals of course

I am DNA

This is chaos

She shakes the packet

Reads the side

Instructions for making a monster

One cup of sugar

A vein full of dirt

All stirred together 

In a makeshift bowl

She lost her reasons,

I never found mine

They say

I am scary 

On paper

I am not paper

I am real

Nude 

Underneath

Despite 

The tangles 

And the knots

She drops the spoon

I look up

Lackadaisical stitches and trips

Quick sticks

Stir our heart

Embroider our hallucinations 

Hang them on the wall

Call it art

We can charge two pennies for all to see

She claps her hand in glee

I don’t 

know 

How 

She 

Keeps 

Going

Acid on my tee shirt

Fire in the hold

I 

am 

drain

drained

drained

There is a grainy picture of you

Turning circles on the spot

Me

I am already gone

It’s a given 

Don’t you know

A sublime equation

There's something missing 

She says

Tapping a grubby finger 

On the side of the bowl

I'm going to gather some glass

What for

Our heart

Silly

She lost her reasons

I never found mine.

Crowned

You wear a cat tee shirt

I wear a silver ball and chain

Chain

Chained 

Tied

Tired

To the wall

To the floor

I wash the pots

Ready to be carried off 

Increasing highs and lows

The tea cup swims in the bath water

Some adventure this is

Moans Alice

It’s not even a river

Or a curiosity shop

I will never

Measure up

Measure out

Guilt plays the loudest cymbal

Rightly or not 

I turn the light on

Close the door

Sleep in the room 

Where I am not

Flies

Tries

Cherry pies

I have forgotten 

No longer know 

What to want

The birds sing in the naked tree

Standing century over me

Silent steps

Flap of wings

Loud inside

Stalking feet

Never enough red 

To paint the world

She puts a tea cosy on her head 

Burps bubbly sugar and dust

I declare myself mayor

Over what we are not

I stalk the plains of our periphery

Hoping to find something

A point of entry

A place to begin

First thought

Best thought

Any kind of clarity 

I pull the tea cosy from her head

I think my health is failing me

She looks me in the eye

Greater than age

Beyond seniority

Then first you must stop

And then you must start

Easy

She crowns herself again

You wear a cat tee shirt

I wear a silver ball and chain.

Blacklist

I furnish myself with 

Tinctures and herbs

Nourish

Destroy

Food 

Poison

It’s really quite a puzzle isn't it

She gloats

Young and pretty

Forever and ever

Chewing sugar

On the top shelf 

As illustrious as it gets I think 

Turning to the wall

What did you say

She 

Jumps 

Down

Head 

Hits  

Red

Bed

Dead

I dream about calculators 

Adding things up

Taking things away

Pressing buttons

Aren't they both the same

It’s all just making numbers change 

I turned to winter in the night

She held me 

Tight

Alice chews her nails

Why don’t you tell her

Why you paint yourself in black and white

Sometimes she is cruel

I daub my wall with acid

Then read the book

My book

No 

Another story

I keep my hands black and white 

To hide the tangles and the knots

My story

Who wants to read that 

It is very dull 

Survival of the jumbled bungled and botched

Oh I do like Nietzsche 

She claps her hands

As if she knows

How many chemicals can one hand hold 

Habit

Habituated

Habitual

Let’s split an infinitive

Serve it with jam

You don't even know what an infinitive is she says

I don’t need to

I say 

Sharpening my pencil 

Poking out my tongue

Besides we have nowhere left to boldy go

If you are real

How do you know you are in a book

Because it wasn't my story 

It was his

I hold her hand

I know

I know

What do you think will happen 

At the end

Whatever you want

Although it is never a dream

That’s what they tell you

To make it ok

We lie hand in hand

On the floor

Floored

Flawed

It is true my room is empty

It is safer that way

I furnish myself with 

Tinctures and herbs

Nourish

Destroy

Welcome to the blacklist little girl.